Mike Newton the King of Embarrassment
by Pistis Sophia
Summary: Chronicles the life of Mike Newton, Jessica Stanley and occasionally Eric Yorkie and Tyler Crowley, from the very beginning of Twilight to beyond the Breaking Dawn chapters.
1. Extreme Embarrassment

**MIKE NEWTON, THE KING OF EMBARRASSMENT**

**All copyrights go to Stephenie Meyer ©**

**Name of chapter: **_Extreme Embarrassment _

**Rating: **K+

**Summary: **It's a perfectly normal day for Mike Newton. Unfortunately for him, his 'perfectly normal' days have passed at the untimely arrival of the otherworldly beautiful Cullens, and Mike finds himself in a maelstrom of eternal humiliation.

**Author's Note: **This chapter has been re-written and edited due to the large amount of immaturity in it. I hope it is better now. Some parts are different.

**Words: **2424

* * *

**Character Point of View: **_Mike Newton _

**Settings: **Forks High School

It was a normal morning in the wet and rainy town of Forks. Man, I hated everything about this town. I drove my Suburban over to Forks High School, and parked it. I got out, and shut the door in a cool manner. What I saw next made me freeze.

There was a shiny silver Volvo parked opposite my car. I stepped back and took in the view.

Oh, man.

My normal and perfectly okay car looked like something straight out of the car dump, beside the sleek and magnificent car. I gulped miserably.

The car must belong to really rich people. May be I could make friends with them. The idea cheered me up, and I moved towards the school, my mind full of schemes.

Just then, Jessica Stanley ran to my side. Eww. I mean she's hot n' all, but I don't think I like a girl who talks too much.

"Hey, Mike!" She nearly screamed in my ear. God, she was so loud, how did people keep up with her?

"Hey, Jess," I mumbled gloomily.

"Mike, did you hear about the Cullens?" She chattered away. "They're like, totally hot and sexy. There are three boys, and two girls. The guys are, like, totally drool-worthy hot!"

My ears perked up. Two _rich_girls? May be they'd go out with me…

"Two girls?" I asked Jess.

"Yeah, two totally pretty girls." She scowled. "It's not even fair -I mean, on their first day, and they've got the whole town drooling after them. The doctor adopted them."

"Jess!" I pestered. "Tell me _everything_."

She rolled her eyes. "The girls' names are Alice Cullen and Rosalie Hale. The guys' names are Edward, Emmett and Jasper. Jasper and Rosalie are twins, and Alice, Edward and Emmett are adopted. Their adopted parents are Carlisle and Esme Cullen. I saw them before, and they look so…young, like twenty or something."

She frowned. "I mean, they look way too young to be parents to five teens."

"Did you see them? They all look like models! Edward looks totally hawt!" She stalled, blushing red. "I mean, they look like they stepped out of _Vogue _or _ELLE_."

I didn't know what a _Vogue _or _ELLE _was, so I let her drone on.

"And did you see Rosalie's Christian Louboutins?" she jabbered on. "I mean, that pair of heels had to have cost her nine hundred dollars! I don't think her parents would have given her _that _much money…Oh, Mike –did you see Emmett? Gawd, he looks so…sexy!" She blushed furiously. I realized she had given too much away.

"Well, see ya soon," I said, before running to the school doors. I gritted my teeth furiously.

_Who _were these Cullen boys? What made them more good-looking (as Jess had put it), than Mike Newton? I had asked Mom to take me to the dentist to remove my nasty braces, and I used contact lenses now instead of glasses, because glasses and braces made me look like a geek. I was different now, with a totally awesome body that would make most girls swoon.

My old friends, Eric Yorkie and Tyler Crowley all laughed at me as I strutted down the aisle in the hall.

"Hey, Mike," said Eric, smirking. "What did you do with the glasses and braces? Did they jump into the trash after they had to be subjected to you? I _would _do that, man –so don't feel too bad."

I gave a contemptuous snort and swaggered on, not noticing the open locker door in front of me. My face hit hard on the locker door and Eric and Tyler started hooting real loud. Others joined in the laughing.

I glowered at them, before glancing around for any new faces. There were five new people in the room who I had not noticed before. There were two blondes, two brunettes and a boy with reddish-brown hair.

The blonde girl was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. The dark-haired girl talking to her was extremely short and most of her features resembled a pixie, and a totally sexy pixie she was. I fell in love with them instantly.

Jessica walked to me. "Hey, Mike! Why did you run away from me in the parking lot? I wanted to tell you about-"

I silenced her. "Are they the Cullens?"

She looked nervously at the new guys. I had a feeling that they _were_ the Cullens, but I had to make sure. I didn't want to embarrass myself again.

"The blond guys are Rosalie and Jasper," she rattled off in a whisper. "The pixie there is Alice and that buff guy is Emmett." Here –her face turned red, no doubt reminded of the slip-up incident in the parking lot.

"Who's that?" I pointed at the reddish-brown haired guy. His eyes met mine, and he smirked coldly. I looked away.

"That's Edward," she said dreamily. "He's so…dreamy."

"I bet he is," I snarled out. I glanced at the Cullens again. They were staring at me. And it wasn't in the "Is-he-old-or-new-here" or "Hey-he's-so-gorgey" way. As a matter of fact, it was in the opposite way. You know, as in the "Yuck-he's-gross" way, in case you didn't figure it out.

_May be they're admiring me for my hot body and cool personality_, I thought nervously. Just then it occurred to me that it wouldn't be good if I chickened out. No, it definitely wouldn't.

I stuck out my chin and strutted to Rosalie and Alice. I was sure one of them would be my future girlfriend. And then later on, my future wife. Rosalie Newton. Alice Newton. They wouldn't be able to resist my charm and good looks.

The bronze haired one broke out in laughter. His voice was very smooth and musical, like some singer's. I snorted inwardly. My voice was better –it made his voice sound plain compared to mine. Edward Cullen started laughing again. Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper looked at him with confusion. Only little Alice didn't look surprised. In fact, there was this weird grin on her face, like something spectacular was gonna happen.

Edward shook his head at them, and continued laughing. Rosalie rolled her eyes and went back to talking with Alice. Emmett looked at Edward with something that equalled pity, and whispered something to Jasper. The latter burst out in laughter.

"So," I said in my hottest voice.

The Cullens looked at me like I was a piece of dog poop they had stepped on by accident. It made me uncomfortable and scared outta my pants.

Since it made me uncomfortable, my next words came out all wrong.

"S-s-so, would y-y-you come with me to the bathroom?" I blushed tomato-red. Had I actually asked them to come with me to the _bathroom_when what I wanted to tell Rosalie was actually "Hi? I'm Mike Newton. Wanna be my girlfriend?"

The muscular guy, Emmett and the dude looking like he was in pain, Jasper came forward with murderous looks. They reminded me of a pair of anacondas. Trust me. I've seen the movie, and I hate anacondas with a fiery passion.

I expected Emmett and Jasper to push me back or something like that, but what I didn't expect was the wave of emotion that swept through me. I started to shake in terror.

"What. Did. You. Just. Say?" snarled out Emmett. My eyes grew wide in terror. He looked so scary and demonic.

I felt my pants getting wet, and I looked down.

Oh, no.

I was standing in a big puddle of pee.

Get it? Pee. _Pee!_

And that's when the gales of laughter started. The whole hall had been silent when I was talking to the Cullens. While my bladder was being emptied on the floor, they stared at me and started screaming with laughter. I could swear tears of mirth were running down their cheeks.

"Sorry," said Alice, looking at me with pity. What was she apologizing for?

I turned around and fled, not noticing the puddle of pee on the floor. I slipped on the puddle and went flying across the room when I heard a sound.

_RIP! RIP! RIP!_

When I stopped sliding on the now-wet floor, I got up shakily. No one else stepped forward to help me. Great way to go, people.

I realized they were still staring at me. The laughter had stopped, but some red-faced girls were still giggling in a nervous manner. I glanced at Jessica, who was red in the face.

"What?" I snapped at her. Jessica looked up, and I could swear that her face became redder when she looked at me.

"Oh," she squeaked, and covered her face. "I can't look!"

"_What?"_

Jessica pointed at my butt. I turned around like a dog, but I couldn't see. I felt around on my butt and realized it.

Oh, man. Cazzo. Merde.

My pants had ripped the whole way around my butt, and my boxers were being exposed. I flushed bright red, and ran into the nearest room.

Unfortunately, that 'room' turned out to be the senior class, in which there were quite a number of cute girls. I had hoped to impress Amy Donalds, the cutest girl in the senior class, and arriving in her classroom, wearing pee-soaked clothes, and ripped pants exposing my boxers was the _worst _impression I had made on her.

The senior class stared at me, like a bunch of albino bugs. And then, they burst into gales of laughter. I wondered vaguely if I would have to perform CPR on one of them.

That's just when I saw who the teacher was. It was Senora Goff, who was scarlet in the face. Man, this was _not _good. Goff was the strictest teacher in Forks High…well, in my opinion, anyway.

She took the ruler and hit it on the table. "Silencio! Esto es atroz conducta! Yo esperaba mas de una clase mayor!"

The class sobered down, though some continued to giggle hysterically.

Senora Goff turned to me, her eyes blazing.

"And you, Mr. Newton, come with me!" She screamed at me, and stormed out of the door.

I took a deep breath, and followed her nervously. I heard a few whistles behind me, and tried to cover up my exposed butt. Thankfully, the people in the hall had disappeared to their classes. The Cullens weren't there too.

Thank God. I breathed a sigh of relief. I had humiliated myself beyond words in front of Rosalie Hale, who I had planned to make a great impression on.

Senora Goff led me though another hall, which was crowded with students from younger classes. They stared at us –Goff leading me forward and me cowering behind her. Mrs. Goff didn't seem affected by the stares, giggles and whispers, but I was. I wished that the ground would just open and swallow me up.

"Oh my goodness! Is that Mike Newton? The most _popular_guy, as he says?"

"Ew!"

"His butt! That's so yuck!"

"Ooh...Butt-face Newton!"

I flushed red and attempted to cover my butt, but it was of no use. The younger children had already seen it and were fleeing the site to protect the innocence of their eyes.

Mrs. Goff led me to Mr. Greene's office. She opened the door, and her glare told me to go in. Her eyes avoided my bottom with a lot of effort. When I didn't go in the room, her nostrils flared.

"Go _in_, Newton!" she growled at me. So I complied, and went in.

The principal almost had a fainting fit when he saw me.

"What does this mean, Senora Goff?" He exploded, his eyes breaking away from me to the teacher beside me.

As my Spanish teacher explained the situation to Mr. Greene, his eyes bulged out till they were on the verge of falling out of his eye sockets. And the he had had enough.

His stern eyes moved to my crimson face. By now, it seemed everyone was avoiding looking at me because I was half-naked. Oh, hip-hip-hurray.

"The class will be wondering where you are," he told Mrs. Goff. She took it as a hint to leave the room and she left immediately, without looking at me.

"Sit," he commanded me. There was a hint of pity and amusement in his eyes, behind the incensed fury.

Mr. Greene called his assistant and ordered her to fetch spare clothes for me. The assistant went out the door rather quickly. He wrinkled his nose when my soaked clothes touched the chair in front of him.

"Mr. Newton, you cannot do things like this in the school. I will have to expel you…"

My eyes widened in horror. What would Mum and Dad think of it? Dad would ground me and ban me from touching the TV again. Mum would start screaming at me the moment I entered the room.

"…if you repeat this episode again. We cannot destroy the innocence of the students from younger classes. Do you hear that?"

"Yes, sir," I mumbled humbly.

"And don't repeat this episode again."

"No, sir."

His assistant returned with new clothes this time, and shoved them into my hands, without even looking at me.

"Please go and change now," said Mr. Greene. When I didn't move, he said, "_Now_."

I stalked out of the room and disappeared into the boys' room to change. I didn't look at the shocked cleaners, not even when they fled out of the room. I groaned heavily, and banged my head on the door. Today was the worst moment of my life.

* * *

**Translation from Spanish to English: **

"_Silencio! Esto es atroz conducta. Yo esperaba mas de una clase mayor_!" – "Silence_! This is outrageous behaviour. I expected more of a larger class!_"

Do correct me if there are any mistakes. I will always appreciate a little help from my readers! Mrs. Goff is mentioned in Midnight Sun. She's Edward's Spanish teacher.

-Pistis Sophia.


	2. A New Age

**MIKE NEWTON, THE KING OF EMBARRASSMENT**

**I don't own Twilight. All rights go to Stephenie Meyer ©**

**Name of chapter: **_A New Age _

**Rating: **K

**Summary: **It's the beginning of a new age for Jessica Stanley. An age in which she gets to be the prettiest and most desired girl of Forks High. Unfortunately for her, her dream hangs in there precariously upon the arrival of the lovely Rosalie Hale. Can she win the hearts of the magnificent Cullen boys or not? Or is she going to end up with a certain Mike Newton?

**Author's Note: **This chapter has been re-written.

_-8-8-_

"_**Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the new."**__  
____- Henry David Thoreau_

_-8-8-_

**Character Point of View****: **_Jessica Stanley_

**Settings: **Forks High School [inside]

It was still raining. Damn. I looked out the window and saw a shiny, silver Volvo draw to a halt in the parking lot. Ooh! Whoever owned that car must be totally stinkin' rich. The people who were getting out of the car surprised me more. There were two blondes, two brunettes and a red-head. Or so, I thought.

As they moved closer, I saw that the red-head was more of a reddish-brown one. Bronze, I realized. Ooh. And then my eyes fell on their faces, and I practically died there.

The guys looked heavenly, angelic, beautiful, and perfect. There were no words to describe them at the moment. The girls looked like they had strutted out of some rich money-spinner magazine, like, _Vogue _or _Marie Claire _or something like that. I scowled heavily and turned to the boys.

The tallest one, a guy with dark curly hair, had awesome biceps that made me want to touch them. Just then, the last one –the reddish-brown one, whispered something to the others. The buff guy pushed his chest forward arrogantly. The bronze-haired one whispered something back, and the blonde girl looked furious. What a weirdo. The buff guy looked horrified, while the bronze haired one rolled his eyes. The second tallest one looked weird, like he was constipated or something like that.

Suddenly, the bronze-haired one threw his head back and laughed clearly. It was so beautiful and melodic, like the stars' voices would be, if they could laugh. The shortest girl, a brunette just smiled vaguely at him, while the buff guy shook his head. The blonde constipated-looking guy looked at him curiously, like he was wondering what was going on with Bronze-Haired One.

Grinning, Bronze-Haired One told Constipated something, and the short girl giggled. Constipated scowled heavily and retorted something back. Buff Guy snorted and said something, which made Bronze Haired One scowl in turn. Bronze Haired One growled something at Buff Guy, who just laughed carelessly and said something like 'Yeah, yeah' at him. Boy, that is one weird group.

When Bronze Haired One came closer to the school, I gasped. He looked to be about seventeen, and his face looked totally seraphic.

Oh, boy. I fell in love with him, the moment I laid my eyes on him. He was mine. No one else would own him.

I sighed dreamily, and the puff of air that escaped my mouth misted up the ice-cold glass of the window.

_-8-8-_

**Character Point of View****: **_Edward Cullen _

**Settings: **Forks High parking lot.

Alice and Rosalie were talking about the latest fashion trends. Boring. Emmett and Jasper were debating whether to start a wrestling match tonight. Didn't they know Esme wouldn't let them? I shook my head in disapproval.

Then I heard her thoughts.

_The guys look heavenly, angelic, beautiful and perfect. The girls…they look like they strutted out of some rich money-spinner magazine, like, _Vogue _or _Marie Claire _or something like that…Ooh, that guy with dark curly hair has totally awesome biceps…makes me want to touch them…ooh…_

I snickered.

_Come on, man, _whined Emmett. _Tell us!_

"There's this human girl," I said. "She thinks you have totally awesome biceps."

Emmett grinned smugly, and puffed out his chest proudly. _Yeah, that's the way to go, man!_

"And she wants to touch them."

Emmett's arrogant look was replaced with a look of horror. "What?"

I rolled my eyes, and went back to spying on the girl's thoughts.

_The second tallest one…well, he looks like he's being constipated or something…_

Here, I burst out laughing again. Constipated? Oh, goodness me.

Alice smiled at me, while Emmett just shook his head. Rosalie just sighed, as Jasper looked at me with curiosity.

_What is it, Edward? _

I smiled mischievously. "Oh, you know, there's this girl who this you're constipated. It is okay, Jasper."

Alice giggled loudly, while Jasper scowled. "I am not constipated!"

Emmett snorted. "Yeah, you're right. You're not constipated, Edward is."

Now it was my turn to scowl. "Shut up."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever."

_-8-8-_

**Character Point of View****: **_Jessica Stanley_

**Settings: **Forks High School.

The Hot Boys and Weird Girls walked up the steps, and my eyes practically fell out when I saw them closely.

The short girl, had a head that looked like someone upset a bottle of black ink on it, a thin nose, and large yellow eyes, like a cat. Freaky. She was talking at high speed to the blonde girl beside her.

The blonde girl was extremely beautiful, the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in the entire world. Her golden hair flowing down her back like gentle waves looked so lovely and pure. Her eyes were also the same strange colour as the pixie girl's eyes. She had a body of an elegant shape which made me feel extremely self-conscious of my own body. The way she moved, no one could compare to her. I saw that she was wearing a pair of totally dangerous looking heels, which looked like they cost nine hundred dollars. I recognized them to be Christian Louboutins. Oh. My. God. They looked so lovely, and I wished that they were mine, not the blonde girl's.

I felt ugly, slow, and flabby then. How could I become the prettiest girl in the school if _she _was there? The very thought of her made me want to tear up and curl up into a pathetic ball in some dank, musty corner of the school.

I was lost in my own thoughts, that I didn't even see that I had come to stand in front of them, at the top of the steps.

What have I done?

"Well?" said the impossibly beautiful blonde. "Are you going to let us pass or not?"

"Um…I-I…I…I mean…" I stuttered, like a complete turkey. What was I doing?

"We're in a wee bit of hurry," said the pixie girl kindly. "So, could you please move?"

Buff Guy whispered something to Constipated, and both of them started snickering. I had an unpleasant feeling that it was about me.

I took a deep breath, and forced my legs to move. Pixie Girl smiled sweetly at me, and they moved away.

I groaned, and sat down on the steps. I had just embarrassed myself in front of the hottest guys in the whole of Forks, and had also made myself look like some mentally-disabled turkey in front of one of who could be my future husband.

Greeeeat. Just flipping great. Do you have any hammer around here, so that I can kindly beat myself to death, and thus forget said embarrassing incident, because the hammer gave me amnesia?

I sighed, and got up. A plan was forming in my mind, and it was my decision to carry it out.

_-8-8-_

I spotted the Hot Boys and the Weird Girls going into Ms. Cope's office. Since I couldn't barge in the room and act like a total squirrel, I waited outside the room. When they came out, I jumped in fright, and did quite a lot of flailing around. I didn't want to look like I was spying on them, so I turned to the nearest group, and started nodding along to whatever they were talking about. I didn't care that the entire group was comprised of boys who started looking at me weird when I nodded along to their talking.

Pixie Girl gave me a knowing smile as she passed by, but I don't think she knew what I was up to. I mean, it's not possible!

After they disappeared around the corner, I slipped back into Ms. Cope's office. She was busy writing something, so I moved quietly towards her, so as not to disturb her. When I was close, I saw that she was writing on a piece of torn notepaper. So out of curiosity, I read it.

_I love you, Bob Banner…_

I couldn't see the rest, because it was obscured by her hand. I rapped on the table sharply. Ms. Cope jumped a foot in the air, before snatching the paper away and shoving it into her drawer. Oho! So she had a crush on Mr. Banner, right? Yum. This was fresh, juicy gossip! I made up my mind to tell Lauren about it at lunch break.

"Yes, Jessica?" Ms. Cope said, sweat beads forming on her forehead. She was totally nervous. Ha!

"Could you tell me who the new guys were?" I asked her, in my most innocent voice.

It worked.

"Oh, the blond people are Rosalie and Jasper Hale. They're twins," Ms. Cope said. And then leaning forward, she whispered, "They're all adopted by Dr. Carlisle Cullen and his wife, Esme. I heard from Mrs. Gerandy that the doctor and his wife looked barely out of their twenties."

My eyes widened. This was even juicier gossip. I couldn't wait to tell others.

"Thanks," I said quickly and ran out of the office and to the parking lot where Lauren would be.

I glanced around, my eyes searching for Lauren. She wasn't here yet. I sighed before I noticed Mike Newton standing by his car, staring at the Cullens' Volvo. I had had a crush on him for more than one year. I ran up to him.

"Hey, Mike!" I greeted him enthusiastically.

"Hey, Jess," he muttered sadly. Oh, why wouldn't he greet me nicely?

"Mike, did you hear about the Cullens?" I asked him eagerly. "They're like, totally hot and sexy. There are three boys, and two girls. The guys are, like, totally drool-worthy hot!" Maybe telling him what I thought of the Cullen boys would make him open his eyes and go out with me.

Mike looked up, his eyes wide with interest when he heard me mention the Cullen girls. Ugh. I hope he was not thinking of asking them out. "Two girls?"

I scowled at him. So he _was _thinking of asking them out. How dare he?

"Yeah, two totally pretty girls." My scowl increased. "It's not even fair –I mean, on their first day, and they've got the whole town drooling after them. The doctor adopted them."

"Jess!" Mike complained. "Tell me _everything_."

Pfft. He just wants to hear 'everything' so that he can strut up to them and ask them to be his girlfriend. Yeah, right. I was sure they would reject him with just one look. I mean, Mike wasn't _that _good-looking as he claimed to be. I rolled my eyes in exasperation. He was such an idiot.

"The girls' names are Alice Cullen and Rosalie Hale," I rattled off. "The guys' names are Edward, Emmett and Jasper. Jasper and Rosalie are twins, and Alice, Edward and Emmett are adopted. Their adopted parents are Carlisle and Esme Cullen. I saw them before, and they look so…young, like twenty or something."

I'm sure you saw that I said that I saw Dr and Mrs Cullen before. Well, I lied. Yeah, I did. I mean, would it look good for me if Mike knew that I was spying on the Cullens? No, Jose.

"I mean, they look way too young to be parents to five teens," I frowned. Parents with teens for children always had wrinkles around their eyes and on their forehead, and were so fat and flabby that they resembled albino penguins. Most of them looked to be in their forties, like my mom.

"Did you see them? They all look like models! Edward looks totally hawt!" I stopped, and turned bright red. Oops. Me and my big mouth. "I mean, they look like they stepped out of _Vogue_or _ELLE."_

Mike simply stared at me with that glazed over look he's so popular for. Hmph.

"And did you see Rosalie's Christian Louboutins?" I gossiped. "I mean, that pair of heels had to have cost her nine hundred dollars! I don't think her parents would have given her _that_much money…Oh, Mike –did you see Emmett? Gawd, he looks so…sexy!" I blushed hard. Oh why, oh why, did my giant mouth have to ruin everything?

Mike apparently realized this too. "Well, see ya soon," he said to me sourly, before he fled from the scene. I hate him, that sleaze. I do.

I let out a scream of rage after he was out of hearing range and cursed him. _You are so going to be in trouble, Michael Newton,_ I said inwardly and went into the school, fuming.

_-8-8-_

I was walking in the hall when I spotted Mike. I walked quickly up to him. "Hey, Mike! Why did you run away from me in the parking lot? I wanted to tell you about-"

He stopped me. "Are they the Cullens?"

Oh, great observing, Sherlock. How about I hit you on the head so that you're dumber than before, huh?

I had to keep my voice under control to prevent myself screaming at him in the hall, with other guys as witnesses. I spotted the Cullens standing in a secluded corner of the hall.

"The blond guys are Rosalie and Jasper," I whispered. "The pixie there is Alice and that buff guy is Emmett." I blushed when I remembered acting like a total turkey in front of him. Oh, would I _ever _forget it?

"Who's that?" Mike barked at me, as he pointed at Bronze-Haired One –I mean, Edward. Edward looked at Mike and smirked. Ooh, he looked so…gorgeous. I practically swooned there.

"That's Edward," I said. "He's so…dreamy."

Oh, no. Did I say that? Oh, shit.

"I bet he is," Mike snarled at me. _Oh, getting jealous now, Newton?_ I smirked internally. Mike glanced at the Cullens, who were staring at him in disgust. I most certainly wouldn't want to be stared at like that.

But Mike seemed to think otherwise. He stuck out his chin and swaggered up to Rosalie and Alice. I gave them my death glare but they didn't seem affected by it. Ugh! May be that Alice was anorexic, and she looked a bit unhealthy. Another thing to gossip about!

_-8-8-_

**Character Point of View****: **_Alice Cullen_

I was talking to Rosalie about the latest release of Gucci. We were debating whether to go shopping tonight, and skip the hunting trip scheduled at the time, when I had a vision of Mike asking us out. I started giggling to myself.

_-8-8-_

**Character Point of View****: **_Edward Cullen_

I heard the Newton boy's vulgar thoughts. _One of the Cullen girls' gonna be my future girlfriend. And then later on, my future wife. Rosalie Newton. Alice Newton. They won't be able to resist my charm and good looks. _

It was too much for me and I started laughing. I managed to smother the hysterical laughter down, with a little help from Jasper. But the next thoughts emitting from Newton's mind were hilarious enough to break the barrier of false calm in my emoticons.

_My voice's better, it makes his voice sound plain compared to mine._Poor boy, he was so vain, vainer than my self-centred sister. He only thought of himself, unlike Rosalie who thought of others beside herself occasionally.

Rose, Em and Jazz turned around to look at me. Alice just grinned at me, and started singing our national anthem in Korean in her mind. Strange. She was hiding something from me.

_Edward? Are you okay?_Jasper's thoughts were worried.

_Poor boy's lost it. He's finally gone nuts. I knew this was gonna happen._Emmett's thoughts were mocking while Rosalie's thoughts centred around herself as usual.

I shook my head at them, and continued laughing. Emmett looked at me with pity and whispered to Jasper, "We should have done something before. He's fallen off his rocker now. I knew that mind-reading business would screw him up badly." Jasper burst out in laughter.

"So," Newton said to Rosalie in what he thought was a seductive voice. I snorted under my breath. I felt Emmett tense up beside me.

_I don't like the way they're looking at me…_Newton's thoughts were uncomfortable. _It makes me feel uncomfortable…_

"S-s-so, would y-y-you come with me to the bathroom?" Newton stuttered. He turned bright red. _Oh-no! Did I ask them to come with me to the bathroom? God, I'm so stupid!_ I agreed with him on that.

Rosalie's thoughts were amazed and incredulous. _What! He wants us to come with him to watch him pee? Alright, he seriously has some mental problem. _

Alice was laughing under her breath. _This boy's crazy, I tell you._

Emmett and Jasper's thoughts were worse. Both of them were snarling like panthers under their breath. Jasper lost control of his abilities, and he started subconsciously sending waves of fury and anger at us and the students around us. I felt like I wanted to punch something. I clenched my fists, and folded my arms.

_What! Did he ask my wife to come with him to the bathroom? _Emmett's thoughts were vicious._ I swear I'm going to crush that boy to pulp!_

Jasper's thoughts were slightly calmer. _Is that boy mad? Did he fall on his head when he was born? How dare he ask my wife to go to the bathroom with him?_

Both of them stepped forward with scary looks on their faces which would make the fiercest of grizzlies hide under a ditch and not come out for a week.

The thoughts of other students were funnier.

_Oh My God! Mike Newton asked Rosalie Hale and Alice Cullen to accompany him to the bathroom? I cannot wait to tell Larry about this. _

_Mike! I swear I'm gonna kill you!_Jessica's thoughts were enraged. _You-you man whore! _

_Mike actually asked Rosalie Hale to go to the boys' bathroom with him? I'd better book a bed for him in the psychiatrist ward._

_Shame on the idiot! Even I wouldn't do that. _

_I can't wait to tell Austin about this! I've always known Mike to be something of a dumb nut, but this tops it all. _

_Man, Newton's totally lost it! I knew playing around with tennis too much can make you lose your marbles. _

Newton stood staring at Emmett and Jasper with a terrified look on his face.

"What. Did. You. Just. Say?" Emmett hissed through his teeth.

"Emmett, don't push it too far," I whispered in a voice too low for humans to hear.

Then I heard something dripping. I looked down and saw Newton standing in the middle of a yellow puddle. How disgusting. The boy can't even control his own bladder, and yet, he's one year before becoming an adult.

Jasper and Emmett finally lost it. They started laughing loudly in which the whole hall except Jessica and Mike joined in. Rosalie and Alice wrinkled their noses at the pungent scent of pee and moved back to avoid stepping in the puddle.

I started laughing with Emmett and Jasper. And that's when Alice stepped forward.

"Sorry," she whispered.

Newton still had that a-monster-wolf-just-killed-my-closest-friend-before-my-very-own-eyes look. He turned around, forgetting the puddle he was standing in. He slipped on it and crashed to the floor when he slid across the room on the pee. Repulsing. I most certainly did not want to be in his shoes. Then I heard a loud ripping sound in the air as Mike Newton's entire pants ripped. Rosalie and Alice stared at him for a moment, and they too started laughing loudly.

When his slide had finished, he got up slowly. Nobody had budged from their positions. Newton realized this too, as he snapped at Jessica. "What?"

Jessica was red in the face as she squeaked out, "Oh. I can't look!" She was hiding her face from the hilarious sight.

"What?"

She pointed at Mike's bottom. Newton tried to see it. He was turning around like a dog chasing its tail, in an attempt to see what was wrong. He felt around his backside, and felt the ripped pants which revealed old Superman boxers. Alice's eyes widened at the pathetic sight.

Mike flushed the darkest red, and fled into the nearest room which unfortunately for him, happened to contain the senior class and the Spanish teacher, Senora Goff. I knew from the tenor of her thoughts that she was in a bad temper right now because some seniors had forgotten to turn in their term papers. And Mike was heading straight into the lion's den. I shook my head. He was such an idiot.

I heard a chorus of laughter erupting from the senior class. I knew Mike had embarrassed himself beyond words again. A ruler was slapped on a hard surface, and Goff screamed, "Silencio! Esto es atroz conducta! Yo esperaba mas de una clase mayor!"

The laughing subsided, and Senora Goff shrieked at Newton to come with her. I saw her furious form come out of the room and Newton's sad little form follow her. I knew they were going to Mr. Greene's office.

I caught Mrs. Goff's enraged thoughts.

_Esto es demasiado. ¿Cómo puede este muchacho arruinar mi clase. Y de una manera tan atroz para entrar en la clase. Esto debe ser reportado inmediatamente al es demasiado!_

Just then the bell rang, and the everyone scuttled to their classes.

_-8-8-_

**Character Point of View****: **_Lee Robertson_

Mrs. Goff was explaining to us about the verbs and their correct pronunciations. I was feeling really sleepy, listening to Goff's droning. A loud sound made me jerk awake and for one second I wondered if Mrs. Goff found out that I had been sleeping in her class. I looked up nervously, expecting her towering above me, wearing the enraged-rhino look. Instead I found one of the junior students, Mike Newell –no, Mike Newton, standing in front of the class wearing wet clothes, and ripped pants. There was an awful smell coming off him. I wondered if he was wearing some gross perfume.

The entire class was frozen in surprise. Then everyone, including me, with the exception of our dear Spanish teacher, all started laughing at his exposed butt. Mrs. Goff was red in the face.

She snatched up the ruler and slapped it on the table. "Silencio! Esto es atroz conducta! Yo esperaba mas de una clase mayor!"

She glared at Mike Newton. "And you, Mr. Newton, come with me!" She screamed at the poor boy.

She went out the door, followed by Newton. The class was silent and then everyone started whispering excitedly. Just then, Brent Williams passed me a note.

"_Do you think we'll be able to get a free class this time? Last time, we got one she yelled at us till our ears were numb."_

I replied back in a scrawl.

"_I don't know. But we can see."_

I crumpled the note and threw it back at him.

After fifteen minutes, Mrs. Goff returned. She was breathing heavily and rapidly. Her face was scarlet.

"Open your textbook to page eighty-three, and start reading!" She barked at the girl behind me. The girl jumped about a foot in the air and stood up. She held up the text and started reading.

_-8-8-_

**Character Point of View****: **_Marcie_

**Time: **When Mrs. Goff is taking Mike to the principal

Oh my God! Mike Newton was following Mrs. Goff to the principal's office. Oh! Oh! This was too good! I couldn't wait to tell about this to Cristina! Whoa, this was so damn good. When no one was looking, I took out my old Polaroid, and snapped a photo of the teacher and Mike. I shoved the Polaroid back into my locker, and closed it. With a cheery grin, I skipped off to class.

_-8-8-_

**Character Point of View****: **_Mr. Greene _

I was checking the documents when Mrs. Goff walked, followed by none other than Mike Newton. The way Newton looked; it almost gave me a heart attack.

"What does this mean, Senora Goff?" I exclaimed, looking away from Newton.

Goff looked really angry as she explained the situation of Newton barging in her class. Though I was angry, I felt pity and amusement –amusement because I thought her story to be rather funny, and pity for the boy because he was humiliated so much.

I dismissed Goff and told Newton to sit. I summoned June, my assistant and told her to fetch new clothes for the poor boy. I wrinkled my nose when he sat in my favorite chair. Oh, great. It's gonna stink for weeks.

I had a little chat with Mike about what happened today. By the time I was done, my assistant returned with new clothes and I ordered Newton to change his clothes. I never ever wanted to see him in that state again. The boy accepted the clothes and went out of the room quickly.

When nobody was within hearing and seeing range, I broke into loud, raucous laughter.

_-8-8-_

**Translation from Spanish to English:**

___**Spanish: **__Esto es demasiado. ¿Cómo puede este muchacho arruinar mi clase. Y de una manera tan atroz para entrar en la clase. Esto debe ser reportado inmediatamente al es demasiado!_

_**English: This is too much! How can that boy ruin my class? And such an atrocious way to enter a class! This must be reported immediately to the principal!**_


	3. Eternal Humiliation

**MIKE NEWTON, THE KING OF EMBARRASSMENT**

_**All rights go to Stephenie Meyer ©**_

**Name of chapter: **_Eternal Humiliation_

**Rating: **K

**Summary: **Mike's trying to having a normal day. But the Fates won't allow that to happen so easily, and Mike ends up having a bad day with his least favourite teacher, Mr. Banner.

_-8-8-_

_He that__ rises late must trot all day._  
**-****Benjamin Franklin**

_-8-8-_

**Character Point of View: **_Mike Newton_

**Settings: **Forks High School

**Time: **Two weeks later.

I was driving my SUV to the school. As I drove, my mind went back to two weeks ago.

_After I had returned home from school on that fateful day, it turned out that Mr. Greene had telephoned my mother. Great._

"_Mike!" Mom screeched when I entered the living room. _

"_Mom-" I stuttered to a halt at Mom's ferocious glare. _

_Before I could complete my sentence, she started yelling at me. "What have you done? Do you know how much shame I'll have to go through after this news goes around this dratted town?"_

"_Mom, no one saw this incident-" I started, but she held up her hand._

"_D__on't you dare lie to me, Michael Newton!" she shrieked. "I saw that…that happen on one of the security cameras! It was the worst thing I have ever seen! Mrs. Stanley called me right now and she thinks you're a bad influence for Jessica!"_

_A strand of her blond hair had fallen from her elegantly-done bun and was hanging over her eyes, giving her a crazed look. I didn't like it._

_I made to move towards the stairs, just when the phone rang, saving me from my impending doom. _

_Mom took it, her face slightly calmer. "Hello? Oh, it's you, John...yes…no, not that…he's just returned from school…yeah, that really happened...Well, come right away…you need to give your son a good talking to about behaving in school...of course...no, the principal really did call...well, I'm not lying! Just come home, and I'll explain." She slammed the phone down on the table._

_She turned to me. "Your father thinks it would be better to ground you for two months." My eyes bulged. What would Tyler and Eric think?_

"_You are not to touch the Playstation or X-Box during those two months," she continued. "Your father and I think that you need to spend more time on your studies and less on unnecessary brain-cell-killing games."_

_Crap. _

I sighed. That wasn't the worst part. The next day, I found out that Tyler had videotaped my humiliation and had posted it on YouTube. He had informed me that his video got at least 1,375 views and 78 comments. Cool friend, isn't he? Not.

I stopped the car in the parking lot and I glanced at my watch. It was seven thirty. Good. I was early. The Cullen car was already there and the parking lot was full. My car was the last one there. Maybe the whole school turned up early like me too.

I ran up the stairs and to the hall where my locker was. I saw that the hall was empty and I frowned.

Where were the other people? Maybe they were playing an elaborate prank on me. I scowled heavily and I stuck out my chest as I vowed not to fall for their stupid prank. I had had enough humiliation and I wasn't going to allow myself to be humiliated again. I grabbed my books and walked to my Biology class. On the way, I started thinking of what to do in the class. Maybe one of the Cullen girls would be in Biology. I visualized myself strutting down the aisle in the room as all the girls drooled over me and stared at me adoringly. Alice Cullen would squeal to Rosalie Hale about how sexy I was. Rosalie would agree with her, and get up from her table. She would then move towards me, and declare her undying love for me, and then exclaim over the awesomeness of my hair. After that, she would lean forward to give a mountain-breaking kiss...

_BAM!_

I staggered back when I was awakened rather rudely from my sweet dream. In front of me, the Biology class door stood, tall and imposing. I stared at it for more than one minute as I tried to figure out what happened. I realized I had been daydreaming while I walking to class, and thus banged into the door. Great. I had just made a total retard of myself as usual.

Just then, I noticed that the door was locked. Weird. Mr. Banner usually closed the door after classes started. Maybe this was the prank and Mr. Banner was in the secret. I banged on the door loudly, and waited, smirking to myself.

The door opened and Mr. Banner peeked out, a confused look on his face. Anger clouded his features when he noticed me standing there.

"Mr. Newton," he acknowledged me icily. I gave him an arrogant smile. I mean, I thought he was playing the prank on me, so I decided to play along too. Don't blame me for acting like a mentally-challenged guy then.

"Bip-bip-bop-bop-pop-up-upsy-dupsy-upsy-dupsayyyyy!" I sang in a girlish voice."Hell-zero-blake-beep-beep-bo-bop-rock-toot-toot-poo-lung-lung-squeee!"

Mr. Banner's eyes bulged and they looked to be on the verge of falling out. His mouth was hanging open, giving me a clear shot of his molars. I snickered inwardly, and wished that I had my camera with me.

"Mr. Newton?" my Biology teacher started worriedly. "Are you sure you are okay?"

I smiled confidently. "Why- of course, I am!"

Anger clouded his features again and he opened the door wide.

"In!" He snarled at me.

I smiled confidently, and strode in. I froze at the sight in front of me.

The entire room was full of students. The Cullens were in their places and so were my friends, Tyler and Eric. Jessica and Lauren were also there. The former was the only person in the room whose eyes weren't trained on my face. I bit my lip in annoyance. Jessica was mad at me for giving her the Association with Embarrassment badge unofficially, two weeks ago. Even when I tried to apologize to her, she wouldn't forgive me. I then gave up eventually.

The biology textbooks were open on all the tables, and it looked like everyone was writing notes. I glanced at the nearest guy's notebook surreptitiously. I realized that they all had finished the entire chapter.

I felt someone approach from behind me, and I turned around. Mr. Banner was waiting in front of me, his arms folded. He was glaring at me coldly.

"What?" I said rudely, before I was able to stop myself.

He glared at me again. "Do you know the time, Mr. Newton?"

I checked my watch. It was still seven-thirty. "Um...it's seven-thirty A.M."

The entire class started howling with laughter. I looked at them in confusion, and turned back to Mr. Banner, who had a faint smile on his face. Great. Now everyone was laughing at me, including the Cullens. But what was wrong?

"Mr. Banner…what's wrong?" I asked the teacher. Tears threatened to fall out of my eyes and I swallowed. Instead of going away, the sadness and tears only increased. Stupid feelings.

Mr. Banner stopped laughing and he looked at me with pity. "Mr. Newton, your watch is two hours slow. Class started one hour ago."

A tear finally broke free and rolled down my cheek. Mr. Banner sighed wearily.

"Well, Mr. Newton, you can go now," he said and checked his watch. "The bell will ring within five minutes."

He turned to the class. "Well, there's no point in continuing. Pack up. Don't forget to do the homework and submit it tomorrow."

The class started packing up their books just when the bell rang and they exited the room quickly. I made to follow them, but Mr. Banner stopped me.

"I think we need to have a talk."

I swallowed nervously and wiped off the tear on my cheek. "Sure."

Mr. Banner closed the door and walked to his desk. He sat down on the chair. "Mr. Newton, please make sure that you check your watch every day and have it repaired immediately. I cannot have my students arriving in class late all the time. Detention for you, I'm afraid."

"But I have volleyball practice!" I protested. "Coach Clapp said I can't miss it!"

Mr. Banner shrugged. "I'm sorry. But rules are rules."

And with that, he got off the table and exited the room. My shoulders sagged and I groaned.

_-8-8-_

I was walking to my next class when Tyler and his gang passed me.

"Hey, cry-baby!" Austin yelled at me. I ignored him.

"Oh, where's my milk? I want my mommy!" Another guy cried out, imitating my voice while the other person did a bad impression of a screaming baby. Instead, he looked like he was having a seizure.

"Your mom's so fat that when she farted in a restaurant it took one month to clear the stench!" I yelled back, unable to stop the words. Oops. Wrong move.

Tyler and others started screaming with laughter.

"Your mommy's so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday!" Tyler yelled back.

How dare he do that? "Your mommy's so ugly she made an onion cry!" I shouted.

"Your mom is so ugly that when she tried to take a bath, the water jumped out!" Austin shot at me.

"Your mommy's so stupid that when she saw a "Wet Floor" sign, she wet herself there," Tom said like a total retardo.

I had to bite my tongue to stop laughing at him and I racked my brains for another Mommy joke. I remember reading a website about that type of joke...

"Your mom is so fat, I ran around her twice and got lost," I said quickly.

"Uh-oh," someone from the crowd muttered. "This is getting ugly. Soon this'll be a "Your mom match" all around. We'd better go before the principal comes here."

"No," another argued. "I want to see who wins. Thirteen bucks on Crowley and his pals."

"Twenty bucks on Newton," the other guy said.

"Your mom is totally hairy, she looks like a Chia pet with a sweater on," Tyler yelled back.

I cringed. "Uh…your mom's so fat, I gotta take three steps back just to see all of her!"

Tyler smirked. "At least my mom ain't fat. Yours' is!"

His friends all started laughing.

"Your momma's so stupid; she stopped at a 'Stop' sign and waited for it to say 'Go'." He threw that one at me.

But now I was out of momma jokes.

"I give up," I mumbled before walking away.

Before I was out of the hall, I heard someone say: "Pay up."

Urgh. This was the third embarrassing event this month.

_-8-8-_


	4. The Newton Exhibition

**MIKE NEWTON, THE KING OF EMBARRASSMENT**

**All rights go to Stephenie Meyer ©**

**Name of chapter:**_The Newton Exhibition_

**Rating:**K

**Summary:**A small step can lead to big consequences. Mike Newton proves this fact to be true.

_-8-8-_

_The secret of how to live without resentment or embarrassment in a world in which I was different from everyone else, was to be indifferent to that difference._

_Al Capp_

_**-**__8-8-_

**Character Point of View:**_Edward Cullen_

**Setting:**Biology classroom

Mr. Banner was teaching us things which I had already learnt about years ago. I sighed faintly. Just then I heard the Newton boy's thoughts. He was here.

_Edward!_Alice's inner voice rang with excitement. _I had a vision, and it shows Mike getting embarrassed again!_

I smiled faintly at the vision she was shoving at me and glanced at her behind me. She giggled and nodded.

Just then, I heard a crashing noise at the door, which startled Mr. Banner. The teacher rushed to the door and opened it, when I caught Mike's thoughts. Oh, how stupider could he get? The boy actually thought Mr. Banner was playing a joke on him. I shook my head.

That's when I heard Newton babbling off some nonsense, which made him sound like a mental patient. Emmett laughed loudly. Mr. Banner asked Newton if he was okay to which Newton replied that he was.

Growling internally, Mr. Banner shoved Mike Newton into the classroom, and slammed the door behind him. The teacher's thought were exploding with anger and was so loud that it nearly gave me a migraine. I winced slightly, just when others' thoughts became clearer to me.

_Oh my god. Mike's in hot water again, isn't he?_

_Too bad I don't have my camera with me. I could have shown it to Tyler and had a good laugh with him. Why do schools these days ban cellphones and cameras? What, are we going to hit the teachers on the head with them?_

_Mike Newton's late for his class, and yet he told me that he never misses class. Liar. I'm so not inviting him to my party next week._

_Whoah, what a dumb squirt he is. I feel sorry for him._

_Oh, yeah! Another thing to gossip about!_

_Poor Jessica! And to think she had a crush on that idiot._

Emmett's were worse.

_Whoa! Mike Newton…that boy's some serious joke! Wonder if he'll mind being pranked? I'm sure Esme won't mind, I'm her favorite boy…_

I rolled my eyes. Emmett could be very childish and immature at times. I glanced at Jessica to see what her reaction was. She was looking at everything but Newton and I checked her thoughts which weren't pleasant at all.

_Oh, fuck. How__dare__Mike do this to me? Maybe I should just dump him, and go out with Edward or one of the Hot Boys…that would be a nice juicy revenge on the Weird Girls._

I snickered. Hot Boys? Weird Girls? I made a note to tell my siblings about the nicknames at lunch break. And besides what had Rose and Alice ever done to the dim-witted Stanley girl? Personally, I think Jessica and Mike were suited for each other.

I heard what was going on. Mr. Banner was asking Mike what the time was, and Newton replied with a, "Um. It's seven-thirty A.M."

The entire class went into fits of laughter, including Rosalie, Jasper, Alice and Emmett. That boy was several times stupider than Crowley or Stanley. At least Jessica had the tendency to check her watch and make sure it was working every month.

Mr. Banner's thoughts pierced my brain and I was forced to drown in their furious depth.

_Is that boy really this brainless? I should have said no to Mr. Greene when I had the chance…_

"Mr. Banner…what's wrong?" The boy continued, without any knowledge of what his furious teacher was thinking. _No…I mustn't cry…_

"Jasper, here's your chance," I muttered almost inaudibly. My brother didn't say anything, but I felt something of hurt and misery when the waves of emotions passed me, and on to Newton. He continued to send wave after wave.

_Thank god…I was beginning to worry whether you were a Mr-I-Don't-Like-or-Do-Pranks-or-Jokes-and-I-only-behave-and-am-only-well-mannered-and-I-am-my-mama's-little-boy._Emmett's thoughts were teasing me, as usual.

_Whee…this is going to be so interesting! _Alice's thoughts were chipper. _I hope he doesn't forget to do that as well..._

_This is really fun…I've never manipulated someone else's feelings for a naughty purpose…_Jasper's thoughts had an edge of playfulness to it. _I guess now's my chance._

I was pulled back to Earth when Mr. Banner said with pity, "Mr. Newton, your watch is two hours slow. Class started one hour ago."

A tear rolled down Newton's cheek and Mr. Banner sighed, his thoughts wondering what on earth he had done to make him have to deal with a emotional boy.

"Well, Mr. Newton, you can go now," He checked his watch. "The bell will ring within five minutes."

He turned to the class. "Well, there's no point in continuing. Pack up. Don't forget to do the homework and submit it tomorrow."

His thoughts were a whirlwind of incoherent words unlike his calm exterior. We started packing our books up. Emmett's thoughts were abuzz, as he planned to get revenge on Mike for thinking that Rosalie was his wife-to-be. The bell rang and we got out of the class quickly. There was no point in lagging behind unless you wanted to be asked out by Eric Yorkie or Tyler Crowley.

"Man, that was wonderful! Absolutely magnificent," he imitated a foreign director. "It was…what do you Americans call it…superb, no?"

"Hey, guys!" Alice chirped as she tried to keep up with us. "Why don't we play a prank on Mike?"

"I'm not in," Rosalie was staring at her well manicured nails.

"I'm outta that," Emmett's thoughts were disappointed as he had hoped Rosalie would be in so that he could plan his revenge on Newton.

"I'm in," Jasper said quickly. He didn't want to prank anyone and was trying to find a way out of this. Alice saw that immediately and slapped his head.

"No, Jasper!" She pouted and put on her best puppy-dog eyes. "Pleeease, Jazz?"

She glanced at me hopefully.

"No," I said.

"Fine!" She sighed in frustration." But can we prank Newton when he really needs it?"

"Whatever," I said, annoyed. "I don't care."

_-8-8-_

**Settings:**Cafeteria

We were in the cafeteria, when Mike Newton entered it. His thoughts were about something about "your mom" jokes…and he'd lost. Alice giggled when he entered. I glanced at her and she smirked at me.

"What?" I asked.

"Hey, Edward," she said, grinning like a fox. "How about you take a little walk in Mike's mind, huh?"

"_No_."

"Come on. Just this time."

"I will not repeat this again. I said no."

"Please," Alice begged. "Just tell us."

"Fine," I relented. "He's thinking about himself as usual. As a matter of fact, he thinks about himself all the time."

Jasper snickered at some unsaid joke. I glared at him.

"What?"

"Well," said Jasper, smiling. "It looks like Mike is his own fan."

"Who's the second fan?" asked Alice.

"I think it is Jessica," I stated. "She fawns over him all the time."

"So," said Rosalie. "Does that mean Mike is his own number-one fan, and Jessica is the second?"

Alice and Jasper went into howls of laughter at her joke.

"Whoa! Mike Newton is his own number-one fan!" Emmett yelled, before breaking into laughter. Jasper and Alice were reduced to giggles now, but unfortunately for Mike, everyone in the cafeteria had heard him.

Mike was now beef-red in the face. Jessica was laughing loudly with her friends, and her thoughts were mocking and unpleasant. I couldn't push them away as they were too loud. I cringed. Who knew that humans could be so petty and mean?

"Edward, did you tell us about the Hot Boys and Weird Girls?" asked Alice.

"Oh, right that," I said. "Jessica saw us in the parking lot on our first day. Since she didn't know our names, she just gave the nicknames 'Hot Boys' and 'Weird Girls'."

"Hot Boys?" said Emmett, looking smug. "That's cool. The Hot Boys –Emmett, Jasper and Edward! Hear us roar!" He flexed his biceps.

"Emmett, I think you'd better stop doing that," I said, rolling my eyes. "We don't want the human girls to go into cardiac arrest when they see your oh-so-amazing muscles."

"Weird Girls?" said Rosalie, wrinkling her nose. "What made her give that ridiculous name?"

"I think it's because she thought the girls were weird," commented Jasper.

"Are you calling me 'weird'?" piped up Alice, shooting a mock-hurt face at Jasper. "Oh, Jazz. You hurt my feelings."

"No, no, no," said Jasper, looking horrified at the very prospect of calling his beloved 'weird'. "I didn't mean it like that."

Alice smiled at him. "I know you didn't."

_-8-8-_

**Character Point of View:**_Angela Weber_

I was laughing because it was too funny. Laughing because Emmett Cullen had just announced that Mike Newton was his own fan.

I slapped the table in front of me. The hysterical giggles wouldn't stop. Finally when I stopped, I glanced at Mike. He was sitting alone, and the boys were sitting far away from him. They wouldn't talk to him. I felt bad that I had been making fun of him too. I made to get up from the table, and to walk to him, but someone else pulled me back into my seat.

"What?" I whispered.

"Ang, don't even think about it," Samantha whispered back. "He deserves it. He's been full of himself too much."

I nodded my head, but I still felt sorry for him. I took a deep breath and opened my milk carton. Samantha nodded approvingly.

_-8-8-_

**Character Point of View:**_Mike Newton_

What the hell did I do to deserve this?

A small nagging voice at the back of my mind said: _You've been too stupid. You've been so blind and foolish. You rejected Jessica when she wanted you, and now she won't come to you. You deserve it. Deal with it._The mean voice faded away.

I snorted. I didn't believe him. The voice was a liar. I checked my tray, which was full. I had not eaten my lunch.

Finally, I decided to not to eat it, and throw it away in the trash. Besides, it didn't taste appetizing anyway. I mean, the curries tasted totally bland! Seriously, couldn't the government pay more attention to the food sold in school cafeterias? We could die of food poisoning from the total crap of 'food' sold here.

_-8-8-_

**Character Point of View:**_Tyler Crowley_

Austin was telling us about some stupid prank his younger brother had played on his parents. Damn, I was bored. I turned around, and spotted Mike getting up. I grinned.

Now would be the perfect time to show him some brotherly love. I mean, we're friends, right? Friends do this all the time, don't they? I grabbed the lone banana sitting on my tray, and carefully peeled out the skin. With perfect strategy, I aimed the banana peel at the floor where Mike was gonna step on, and waited with bated breath.

_-8-8-_

**Character Point of View:**_Mike Newton_

Holding my tray in one hand, I got up slowly and looked at Tyler, who was sitting with his cronies. Pfft. What a total noob. He was staring at me like a greedy five year old waiting for his mom to give him a candy bar. In other words, he was looking at me eagerly, like he was waiting for something to happen.

I stuck out my chin and walked forward. Suddenly, my legs came out from beneath me. The lunch tray flew up from my hand into the air, and I fell down on my bottom on the linoleum. Tyler giggled like a little girl. I looked up in horror, and saw the full lunch tray coming at me.

_-8-8-_

**Character Point of View:**_Tyler Crowley_

Yeah! My idea had worked! I looked at Mike again.

The poor sod was covered in all sorts of food. I could make out a slice of pizza sitting on his head, a cup of curry dumped on his shoulder, and a few spoonfuls of salad on his nose. A puddle of milk was gathering around him, and it made his pants wet. I bet he would have a lovely smell at the end of the day. We definitely should make a perfume from that smell. How about naming the perfume _Eau de Honte_?

I realized no one was talking anymore. The cafeteria was silent. A moment passed. That's when the entire room exploded into gales of mirth and amusement. Mike tried to get up, but he slipped on the puddle of milk, and crashed back to the floor.

The Cullens were grinning, and my friends were all hooting really loudly, that it hurt my ears. Even the lunch lady was also laughing. Mike looked furious. He grabbed the pizza slice from its sorry position on his head, and lobbed it at me. I was a second late in moving out of the way, and the pizza slice landed on my forehead with a sickly 'thump'.

Growling, I peeled off the slice and chucked it on the table. Lee winced when the slice landed a tad too close to his food. Just then, the door opened and the ultra-cool guys walked in. Oh, man.

The guys froze when they saw the lovely scenario in front of them. I could imagine what they were thinking. The door opened, and someone entered the room.

"Move it," he growled at a senior. I realized the person to be Mr. Banner. Whoa, Mike was in _real_trouble this time.

Mr. Banner came forward and almost slipped on the milk-soaked floor. He let out a roar of fright, and grabbed on the neck of some unfortunate senior. The senior's eyes bulged when Mr. Banner's hand increased its grip on his neck, as the teacher regained his footing. When Mr. Banner let go of the senior's neck, the poor guy rubbed his sore neck.

"What is the meaning of this, Mike Newton?" Mr. Banner boomed.

Mike simply stared dumbly at the teacher. This only made Mr. Banner more furious, and he swelled like a frog.

"Mr. Newton!" he raged. "What do you think you're doing, sitting there? This is the lunch room, not your local food exhibition!"

Mike shook his head at him, but said nothing.

"NEWTON!" he roared. "GET UP FROM THERE AND FOLLOW ME!"

Finally, Mike got up and followed the teacher. I noticed that Mike was walking gingerly, like he was trying not to slip again.

_-8-8-_

**Character Point of View:**_Mike Newton_

Mr. Banner took me to the principal. Great. How about I just make his office my personal home? I lost count of the number of times I had been sent to the principal's room this year.

"Mike?" Mr. Greene was startled, as he took in my appearance. I was sure I looked very delicious to him in a food-ish way. Mr. Banner explained the situation before leaving me alone in the lion's den.

"Sit," Mr. Greene said sternly.

I sat down on the same chair I had sat on last time I was here. I saw Mr. Greene cringe when a piece of fruit slid off me and on the leather exterior of the seat.

"This is the fifth complaint I have received about you this week," he stated. I could do nothing but stare.

He sighed. "I can see that this will take a long time."


	5. Fartbags

**MIKE NEWTON, THE KING OF EMBARRASSMENT**

**All rights go to Stephenie Meyer ©**

**Name of chapter: **_Fartbags _

**Rating: **K

**Summary: **There's a reason why Mike hates farting.

_-8-8-_

_I'd like to think I'd never do a gratuitous fart joke._

**-Harold Ramis**

_**-**__8-8-_

**Character Point of View: **_Mike Newton_

**Settings: **Newton residence

**Time: **Two days later. _  
_

I was sitting in my room. Mom had grounded me for two more weeks. I sighed before I got up from my bed.

"Mike!" Mom yelled from the living room. I rolled my eyes.

"Coming, mom!" I replied, just as loudly.

I went to the living room where she was sitting in, watching some silly opera.

"Yes?" I asked.

"Go and eat your dinner!" she growled at me. "And go straight to bed at eight! AND NOT A MINUTE LATE!"

I bit my lip and stomped my way to the kitchen. Yeah, yeah, I know how immature that stomping thing made me look. I found my lunch and sat down at the table, and began to eat. As I ate, my mind went back two days ago.

_I was walking up the stairs when Mom called me to the living room. Nervously, I went there, and found Mom and Dad on the sofa. It wasn't quite the scene I had imagined up._

"_Michael," began Dad. "I think we need to have a talk. Man-to-man."_

_Then he turned to Mom. "Karen, would you mind calling Jenna Stanley? I'm sure she will want to know whether Michael needs help or not."_

_My heart almost fell out. Help? Were they going to hospitalize me? Send me to therapy? No-freaking-way!_

"_Dad, I swear-" I started, but my father held up his hand._

"_Don't worry," he assured me, but I didn't feel consoled at all. "We won't send you away."_

_Mom shot a glance at Dad. _

"_Tell me?" she mouthed at him. He nodded and patted her hand. She got up and exited the room when Dad turned to me._

"_Son," he said. "I need to tell you something."_

_I turned white. Dad chuckled kindly. _

"_No, Mike –it's nothing bad," he stated. "Harold –your principal- and I just had a chat. It's nothing at all."_

_Still, I didn't move. _

"_Harold thinks you'll be better if we set up a few rules around here," Dad said. My heart fell to my toes._

"_Rules?" I managed to choke out._

"_Yeah," he said. "Rule one –no TV after six. Rule two –no PlayStation during your grounded times. Rule three –you have to practice Calculus more in the evenings. Rule four –You have to reach school before seven-thirty and last, Rule five –no more embarrassing yourself."_

_My eyes bulged. They were awful rules! How could I follow such horrendous rules?_

I sighed again and scratched my head. I forgot that I was eating with my bare hands, and the salad which was in my hand was smeared all over my previously clean hair. I sighed again. I would have to take an extra shower tonight. Not a good thing, since it was wintertime now and I would be frozen in the shower.

_-8-8-_

**Setting: **School

**Time: **The next day

I walked to my class, while Tyler and his dumb goons followed me. Pooh. I turned around and scowled at them. Since I was walking backwards, I ended up banging my head into an open locker door. Seriously, why were those damn locker doors following my head all the time?

_-8-8-_

**Character Point of View: **_Emmett Cullen POV_

**Setting: **Class

Both Alice and I had decided to prank Newton. The plan was to slip in a 'fart-bag' (as I called it) on the seat, and boom! You get in a lot of fun. The 'fart-bag' would absorb air and when pressure was applied on it, it would let out a totally awesome and rib-breaking fart-like sound. It was one of my favourite tools so far. Jasper's part in this little game was to slip in the fart-bag before Newton sat on it. After it let out the air, he would snatch it back. Cool, isn't it? Alice's part was to do _nothing_. She was the mastermind of this prank, after all.

I glanced at Alice, behind me. Newton was to sit in front of Jasper, while Rose and Edward stayed out as usual.

Alice was literally bouncing in her seat. Woah, that girl's way too hyperactive, I tell you.

"Shh," I whispered.

Her bouncing slowed gradually.

Finally, after what seemed ages, Newton arrived. He was a bit late. His eyes were unfocused, and there was a bump on his head. Hmm… Maybe someone finally snapped and clonked him on the head? He finally sat down, but Alice or Jasper didn't move. I glared at them and Alice looked at me.

"Why aren't you putting the bag under him?" I muttered.

Alice shook her head. "No, after the teacher comes, we'll put it there," She replied in the same tone.

I sighed and leaned back. Man, I was bored. I couldn't display my strength here so I decide to ask Edward something. Mentally, of course.

_Hey, Eddie,_I thought.

He stiffened. I knew he hated the nicknames.

_Eddie, you mind helpin' me out a little?_

He turned his head to the left and to the right. He was saying no.

I faked a mental sigh. _Very well, Eddie. I'll have to destroy your precious piano._And with the last word, I conjured up a very appealing image of his destroyed piano. He swallowed. He meant yes.

_So Eddie, you mind telling me what's swimmin' in that pea-sized brain of our local friend?_

He inhaled. "Rosalie Newton. Alice Newton." He said under his breath. Jasper and I froze.

A snarl was weaving its way through my throat. I clenched my teeth.

Maybe that Newton idiot really was having mental problems. Just one tiny knock on the head –he probably wouldn't feel anything at all. I would do anything to remove the gross thought that Rosalie was his from his walnut-sized brain. I leaned forward. The idea was becoming more appealing each second.

Something hit me on the head. I turned around and glared ferociously, at the guy behind me, someone called Rob Sawyer. He cowered in his seat at the intensity of my glare.

"Did you or did you not hit me, punk?" I growled at him. The now-shaking boy shook his head and pointed at Alice, who was grinning. Jasper shot me a smirk, and Eddie and Rose both rolled their eyes. Wow. Just wow. I wondered how the most volatile members of our family managed to do that.

What?" I said.

"Hey, don't get all irritable grizzly on me –but I saw Mike Newton being carted off to the emergency room with a cracked skull, and you surely don't want to be chased out of the continent by a mad Rose, do you?" She said this all so quickly that no one except my siblings heard here.

I sighed in disappointment.

"Fine! It's not my fault that that pervert can't control his hormone-filled thoughts," I muttered inaudibly.

"Says the guy who constantly teases each one of us about our sex lives," Alice whispered back. Hmph.

The teacher still wasn't back yet. Seriously? We're supposed to come here _early, _and yet, the teacher can't bother to lug his sorry ass all the way to school a few minutes early? How hypocritical.

After, like, twenty minutes –the teacher Mr. O'Leary stalked into the room, sweating like a total pig. The entire class stood up.

"Sorry, guys," he panted like a dog, and he dabbed off sweat from his fore head with a hanky. "One of the wheels of my car popped out."

That would have been fun to see. Just then, I saw that Newton was going to sit down. I held my breath.

Before Newton sat down, Jasper leaned forward at lightning speed –speed so fast than none of the humans in the room caught the movement, and he put the fart-bag on the seat, just before Newton's ass plopped down on it.

The fart-bag let out an explosive sound.

_RRRRRRRR-RRRRRRRRRRR!_

Everyone in the class froze. No one moved.

Oops! I didn't know that it was so loud. But it was too late and I had to play my part now.

Edward, Rosalie, Alice and Jasper played their parts perfectly. I took a breath, before exhaling under my breath.

"Eww! What the hell is that horrible smell?" I yelled loudly, theatrically plugging my nose. "It smells like a freakin' landfill!"

Jasper pulled out the fart-bag from under Newton at vampire speed, and Newton fell back on the chair with a loud "THUNK!"

Alice and Rose were trying to stifle their hysterical giggles, while Newton was ketchup-red. Mr. O'Leary –the teacher, snorted.

"Mr. Newton," he exclaimed. "Did you actually _fart_?"

_-8-8-_

**Character Point of View: **_Edward Cullen _

Everyone burst into fits of laughter. This was the fifth time in this month that Newton had been embarrassed publicly. The thoughts of the students were loud like a waterfall and they were hard to drown out.

_Good god, Mike Newton has embarrassed himself again!_

_Wish I had my camera with me…_

_I certainly don't want to be Mike now! I mean, he __**farted **__for heaven's sake!_

_I can't wait to tell Mrs. Newton!_

Newton himself was shaking with embarrassment. Mr. O'Leary stormed forward and grabbed Newton. He led him outside the room. The teacher himself was furious, and a string of profanities ran through his mind like water. I knew the teacher wasn't going to punish anyone–just give the Newton boy a good talking-to about behaving in class. Nothing bad at all.

_Well, _thought Alice. _That went well, didn't it?_


	6. La Carta de Amor

**MIKE NEWTON, THE KING OF EMBARRASSMENT**

_**All rights go to Stephenie Meyer ©**_

**Name of chapter: **_La Carta de Amor_

**Rating: **K

**Summary: **A love letter written by Mike ends up in the wrong hands. It just happens to be Mike's unfortunate luck that the 'hands' belong to none other than Mrs. Goff, who thinks the letter was meant for her.

_-8-8-_

_If you must reread old love letters, better pick a room without mirrors._

_-_Mignon McLaughlin [_The Second Neurotic's Notebook_], 1966

_-8-8-_

**Character Point of View: **_Mike Newton _

**Time: **The next day

**Setting: **Boys' locker room

I was sitting on a bench in the boys' room, my towel slung over my shoulder. I was only wearing a vest and a pair of jeans, along with boxers. My t-shirt was stowed away safely. No one was within a one-mile radius around me. They were avoiding me. Great.

Jessica Stanley and her big fat mouth. It turned out that she had tattled to the whole school about my "fart" episode. At the mention of "fart", I started thinking of that time. I don't recall ever farting. It was only when I had sat down, that I realized that I had farted.

Something fishy was going on. Just then Tyler Crowley and his obnoxious bunch of friends passed me.

"Hey, farter!" Lee Stephens yelled at me. Tyler and his pals started hooting like a bunch of dim-witted crows.

Just then, Austin Marks plugged his nose. "Ooh, Newton's going to fart! This whole place's gonna blow up! Run, people –run for your lives!"

And people in the room actually believed him! Some fled the room, some pulled out cameras, some gathered around me. I glowered at them, and flipped the bird at them.

Tyler and his gang started laughing really loudly, when some people flipped back at me before they left in disgust.

"Way to go, Mike," he hollered.

_-8-8-_

I was walking in the hall when someone yelled at me. "Yo! What's up, man? I have a bag, in case you want to…_let out a few farties_."

Worse, the Cullens happened to be there. The short girl –Alice, and the big muscular guy, Emmett were grinning ear-to-ear. I stuck out my chin and walked on, my eyes never leaving their cheeky faces. I had some second thoughts about the black haired girl, but that blonde, Rosalie was mine. Miiiiiiiiiiiiiiine.

Since my eyes didn't leave their faces, I crashed into someone and found myself on the floor. Great. How about I just lie there all day and have people tramp all over me?

"Don't you know who I am? I am Mike Newton! How dare you push me to the floor, punk?" I yelled at nobody in particular as I got up angrily. "Idiot!"

I turned around to see the culprit and froze. I had expected some cheeky younger student, most preferably Lee or Austin or Tyler. Instead, it was none other than Ms. Shallows, the school vice-principal, who looked calm and annoyed at the same time.

"Is there a problem, Mr. Newton?" She said mildly.

"No," I squeaked.

"Good," her face became stern. "Follow me, please."

She turned and disappeared amidst the crowd gathered around us. I hadn't even seen them appear. And I could swear I saw a flashy camera in Alice Cullen's hands. But when I looked at it, it disappeared so quickly, that I wondered if I was stoned out of my mind.

Ms. Shallows snapped her fingers. Her very short pixie hair cut which was close to white, made her look dangerous.

"Are you coming or not?" she barked.

I swallowed before following her.

_-8-8-_

Ms. Shallows sat at her table, me standing in front of her. We were in the vice-principal's office, and man, I _hated _it. The walls were a sickly, puke-worthy shade of yellow-green, and the windows were framed with cream-colored curtains. I wondered why she didn't do anything to make the room look more presentable.

"Sit," she commanded. I did so.

Just then, with a jolt, I realized that Ms. Shallows was also the school therapist. Oh, shit.

"So, Mr. Newton," Ms. Shallows started. Beads of sweat were forming on my forehead. "I have heard about you. They are _not_ very good things. You were found covered in food in the cafeteria, you barged into Mrs. Goff's class in very unsuitable clothes. Is this true?"

"Yes," I mumbled miserably. I needed an excuse to get out of here.

"Mr. Jefferson will be waiting," I tried to speak in a steady voice. "I'll be late for class."

I made to get up, but Ms. Shallows pushed me down.

"Mr. Jefferson already knows where you are," she said. "I notified him about this...appointment just now."

"Mom won't-"I said, but Ms. Shallows silenced me.

"Your mother knows about it," she smirked. "In fact, she was the one who told me about you. She said that you needed help, and I _am_ willing to help you. I was on my way to find you, when you bumped into me. You called me a punk and an idiot, right?"

"Am I right?" She demanded.

"I don't need help," I stated.

"Oh, yes –you do," she shot back.

And on that day, the first round of therapy began. Ms. Shallows continued to shoot questions after questions at me, even when my mouth was parched dry.

_-8-8-_

**Character Point of View: **_Alice Cullen_

**Time: **After therapy

**Setting:** Spanish class

By the time Mike had returned from therapy, he was looking like a wilted plant. Rosalie was in the front row, which unfortunately for her, was in front of Mike. Good grief. Just then I had a vision of him, writing on a scrap of note paper meant for Rosalie.

Holy Chanel, Prada and Gucci!

I could see each of the words on the letter in my vision. Good lord. Newton was a professional love-letter writer. Yeah, right.

_I love you. Ever since I saw you that day in the hall, I fell in love with you. We were meant to be together. Dump the other guy, and please meet me at the gym after school hours..._

What was he expecting -a rehearsal of _High School Musical _with Rose as Gabriella and him as Troy? No freaking way. This guy was totally crazy. I turned back to the silly love-letter in my vision.

_We can do something together, and I have a totally awesome present for you. I love you very much, my dear. Your hair is so lovely and pretty, that I want to stroke it. Soon later, you will be my girlfriend, my fiancée, and then my wife. We would make a lovely couple. _

_Your future husband,_

_Mike Newton_

How gentlemanly of him. Even Emmett or Jasper wouldn't do something as...stupid as this. I giggled, tore up a piece of notepaper and wrote about my vision. I balled it up and lobbed it at Rosalie's head, at such speed that no one saw me doing anything. Being a vampire rocks...except for the whole blood-sucking thing. Oh, well.

Looking unperturbed, Rosalie's hand shot up and caught the ball of paper. She opened it, and began to read. Slowly, a smile grew on her face, and she nodded at me. Edward snickered into his book, and I smiled.

I turned around and saw Jazz shoot a confused look at me. I winked at him, and gave him a 'wait-and-see' look. Still looking confused, he nodded and waited. I turned back to the class, and snuggled back into my seat. Might as well be comfortable and watch the show.

I saw my vision become reality in front of my eyes.

Mike threw the paper at Rose, when she bent down to 'pick up' her pen, which had fallen to the floor. The ball sailed right over Rose's golden head, and right onto Mrs. Goff's desk. The teacher turned around, clearly annoyed and saw the ball of paper on the table.

"Hmm," she said, and frowned as she opened the letter. "Looks like we have something of a _carta de amor _on our hands here."

Her eyes widened as she read the letter, and a look of horror mixed with disgust crossed on her face. "_Cristo Jesús_."

"Mr. Newton!" she shrieked. "Is this true?"

Poor Mike. He opened his mouth and closed it repeatedly, like a goldfish, but nothing came out of his mouth.

"What is the meaning of this?" she asked sternly. "_A love letter_?"

The class started whispering eagerly to each other, no doubt about Mike and the love letter. A vision popped up in my mind, as Mrs. Goff made a decision. I shook my head. This wasn't going well.

"Meanwhile," the teacher said as she smirked. "I will have to read this letter out _loud_. After all, others also have a right to know what is going on. Right?"

The last word was directed at the class, who all nodded eagerly.

Satisfied, Mrs. Goff turned back to the letter, and started reading it aloud. As she reached the end, the class exploded into gales of laughter. The only people who didn't laugh were Emmett and Mike. Emmett had realized who the letter was really meant for, and his hands were balled up in fists. Mike was absolutely mortified, and I pitied Jasper for having to feel those emotions.

"Well, Mr. Newton," said Mrs. Goff. "You should know that I am about twenty-five years older than you. So, I am in no way eligible to be your 'love'. You should also know that I would never ever... 'dump' my husband, Jose. I cannot meet you at the gym because I _don't _want to. But it is very kind of you to describe my hair as 'so pretty that you want to stroke it'. But I am afraid, I don't want to be your...girlfriend, fiancée and wife. Please, don't mention that again."

Newton was totally red. I was suddenly struck with an idea.

"Jasper," I muttered in such a low voice that only my mate and siblings heard me. "Send lots of lust to Newton."

Jazz obeyed and I heard him laugh under his breath as he manipulated the feelings of the unsuspecting boy. Newton jerked and gave a little yelp as he felt the emotions. Jasper forced the emotions to be directed at Mrs. Goff. Just on cue, Newton stood up. Whoops. Jazz must have underestimated the amount of lust. I shot an alarmed look at Jazz, who winked at me.

"What?" I mouthed at him.

"Wait and see," he smiled breathtakingly.

Mike, now brazen and overconfident (thanks to Jazz), had stood up. He swaggered to Mrs. Goff, who looked up in alarm.

"Is anything wrong?" she said pleasantly, though you could see concern behind the politeness.

"Oh, nothing!" Mike looked at her and leaned forward, and placed a large sloppy kiss right on Mrs. Goff's cheek. The teacher pushed him off and stood up, anger in her eyes.

"What is wrong with you?" She screamed at him. "Did I not tell you that I DO NOT love you and I am already married!"

By now, Jazz had replaced the feelings of lust with embarrassment and confusion. Mike's cheeks were red now and he was looking confused. The children around me and my siblings were laughing and I could see moisture forming on some of the children's eyes.

Now it was time for our next stunt.


	7. Fire Alarms

**MIKE NEWTON, THE KING OF EMBARRASSMENT**

_**All rights go to Stephenie Meyer ©**_

**Name of chapter: **_Fire Alarms _

**Summary: **Mike hears a fire alarm only to find out it's not a fire alarm at all.

**Author's note: **I'm so sorry for not updating quicker. You wouldn't believe my busy schedule...just when I was about to get some good leisure time, I end up with more Biology assignments! Hell! Anyway, this chapter has been re-written and edited.

_-8-8-_

_"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life." _

-**Terry Pratchett**

_-8-8-_

**Character Point of View: **Mike Newton

**Settings: **Locker room

I was back here again. It seemed the only safe place for me, where I could sit here without ending up with my head stuck in the toilet or something equally dumb like that. I got up and walked to the nearest shower stall.

_-8-8-_

**Character Point of View: **Edward Cullen

I was standing outside the boys' locker room. Alice and Jasper were going over their plan, and they were taking care of a few "last minute" changes, though I was aware that it was much _more _than that. A combination of Alice and Emmett was like grouping the devil and the Norse god of tricks, Loki, together. Christ, you don't want to know the destruction they would unleash.

Now, where was I? Ah, yes, I was talking about what we were doing. So, Alice and Jazz had employed me to eavesdrop on Newton's mind, and trust me, it was no drip of blood. Pardon the bad joke and pun.

"Alice, why can't you go?" Jasper whined. "It's difficult for me."

"It's the _boys' _room," said Alice. "Imagine the shock of the poor kids if they see a girl in there. They'll probably faint on the spot, naked or not."

"Forget what I said before!" Jasper said, horrified. "Alice, you most definitely are not going there."

"I never said I was going to. But," she said. "I do have an idea."

I caught a glimpse of what she planned to make me do, and I swore an oath.

"I will certainly not go there, Alice," I hissed out. "Emmett can go."

"Go where?"

Speak of the devil and he shall come. Emmett stood in front of me, grinning.

"I know you heard me," I snapped at him. He boomed out a laugh, and agreed to go.

_-8-8-_

**Character Point of View:** Emmett Cullen

Jasper and I were strolling down the aisle in the boys' locker room. Shit, how the heck did the boys' locker room become so stinky? Trust me, a pig sty smells better than this. Oh, wait did I explain why Jazzy-boy came along? I bet not. He came because of his oh-sooo awesome plumber skills. Yeah, I'm sure that plumbing classes must have been top-priority in his days.

You wouldn't believe what he did to that woman, Lena Nosier –wait; I think her name was Lana Nosier- in Alaska. Little Miss Spinster Lana was a woman with a gross habit of meddling in others' affairs. Alice hates her, and you don't wanna know why. Trust me. Anyway, this Lana kept turning up on poor Tanya's doorstep, and she kept pestering Tanya whether they were using birth control, _and _proceeded to give Carmen and Eleazar a really, really long sex talk. Being young-looking and married does have its downs. Carmen and Eleazar proved that fact true. I don't think they've ever forgotten it. Ever.

Fed up with the she-demon, Tanya and Kate decided for a little payback. Kate dressed up as a gypsy –I don't wanna know what a gypsy was doing in the icebox Alaska- and told Lana that something weird would happen to her if she didn't stop pestering the Cullens.

Guess what she did? I'm sure you guys would have done something sensible, like agreeing with the gypsy and saying "Ooh, can you read my palm?" or something like that.

But since Lana Nosier was a weird woman, and most definitely not normal in our opinion, she slammed the door in the gypsy's face. Great way to piss off someone –just shut the door in their face. Furious, Kate requested Jasper to do something to Lana.

So, Jasper and I went over to Lana's house, and did a bit plumbing and returned home laughing our asses off. The next morning, we found out that Lana's house had filled up with water literally, and the water had frozen overnight, thus turning her oven and fridge into ice.

I laughed so hard that day.

When we heard that she was lodging a complaint against the water company, Esme stepped in and offered to pay for the damage. And that my dears, is the ending of our little funny tale.

Jasper bent down and fiddled with the thingies in the box. I don't care much about wires and all that shit, so in order to do something, I moved in front of him to block him from other people's view. Jasper finished his work, and quietly shut the box, and he stood up, smirking.

"Done," he said. "Newton will get a chilly shock now."

_-8-8-_

**Character Point of View: **Mike Newton

I was just standing there in the midst of the warm water coming from the faucet, when said faucet sputtered and stopped. I squinted up through the haze of soapy lather covering my eyes. The faucet sputtered again and a whole torrent of ice-cold water, which felt like it came straight from the Atlantic, splashed all over me.

What the fuck!

"Aaargh!" I roared out, shivering. My teeth started chattering. Still shivering, I reached out with my hand and turned off the stupid faucet. I groaned and leant back on the wall, only to jump back in shock when the wall turned out to colder than the water.

Shit.

_-8-8-_

**Character Point of View: **Emmett Cullen

I heard Newton scream out in fright, and I smiled to myself.

"Now," I told Jasper cheerfully. "It's time for the next part."

_-8-8-_

**Time: **Next day

Jazzy-boy and I were standing in front of Newton's shower stall. I took out the device from my pocket and stuck it to the door. It was quite small, and unless you had a microscope trained on it, you wouldn't be able to see it. Jasper pinned the tiny camera on the opposite wall and stepped back.

"Good enough," he said, and exited the room. I followed him.

Damn, I couldn't wait.

Later, when the bell rang, I jumped up from my seat in class, and was one of the first people out of the door. I looked over my shoulder, and saw Alice nod at me. Smiling to myself, I took out the remote control and walked to the boys' locker room.

_Now, to sit back and enjoy the hooplaza_, I thought.

_-8-8-_

**Character Point of View: **Edward Cullen

**Settings: **Boys' locker room

Scowling, I was seated at one of the benches in the boys' room. Emmett made me sit there, and being the childish man he is, he wanted me to say whatever was in Newton's mind. Not my piece of cake.

Christ. What did I do to get this?

I saw Emmett lolling against the wall, like he didn't care a bit about what was going to happen. Very melodramatic. Emmett took out the remote control and in a not-so-subtle manner, he pressed the green button. I heard the sound of a fake fire alarm going off in Newton's shower stall, and I sighed to myself. The boys in this room wouldn't hear the fake alarm, but we vampires could. Just then, I caught Newton's startled thoughts.

_What the hell's that? Shiiiiit, it's a fire alarm! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, something bad must have happened! Did they get burned by the fire? I GOTTA GET OUTTA THERE!_

I snorted out a little laugh, and managed to stifle it. Too late, Emmett was already grinning down at me.

"Something bad's happened," I told him. "He has to get out of there. This is the edited version."

Just then, one of the shower stall doors banged open, and none other than Mike Newton walked out of it. Oh, and did I mention he was naked? Not a good impression to make on your friends, I daresay.

Everyone in the room froze, except for Emmett and Jasper, who were laughing like they had inhaled a whole vat of laughing gas. It was a good thing they didn't need to breathe or I would have had to perform CPR on them in the room itself.

Meanwhile, Newton was standing still, eyes still resembling a shocked bug.

"Where's the fire escape?" he bellowed at the nearest person. "Are the people safe?"

Brian Terrence snorted. "Of course, we're safe. What the heck do you mean by a fire alarm!"

Still panicked looking, Newton babbled out: "Yeah, there was a fire alarm! I heard it! It-it was so loud! Quick, we've got to get out of here! Is my life insured? Are the fire people here yet?"

I heard the others' thoughts, and let them fill my head, curious to know what they were thinking of this.

_Jesus, he's a frigging idiot. He must be one of those naturalists...always walking around naked. Weird._

_I can't wait to tell Mrs. Newton that her son came out without anything on! I can't wait to tell Jessica –she spreads gossip faster than wildfire!_

_Oh no…I need to get outta here…get him and his body somewhere else…_

_My poor eyes! What the devil is wrong with Mike Newton? _

Just then Mr. Jefferson pushed his way through the crowd.

"What the-"

Jefferson froze.

"_Newton!" _he yelled. His thoughts were spinning wildly and he then started hyperventilating. Newton ignored him.

"Newton!" he barked. "Cover yourself up!"

Newton didn't do anything, as he was busy asking one of the boys why they were staring at him in such shock and horror.

"Yeah," Brian sneered. "It's 'cause you're _naked _in front of us!"

Newton froze and looked down for the first time. His entire body was covered in soap suds, which were rapidly disappearing. He started quaking. By now, Mr. Jefferson had recovered from his panic attack, and he screamed:

"Newton! _What the hell are you doing_! This isn't a show of Victoria's Secret!"

He stuttered to a halt and I realized that he had revealed too much. Even Newton was staring at him.

"Explain this," said Mr. Jefferson, blushing viciously.

"L-look at me," said Newton, smiling feebly.

I exhaled in disbelief. Did Newton really say that? He really was insane.

"Yeah," Brian taunted. "We can see that. Nice presentation. Too bad the girls aren't here."

Newton turned bright vermilion red and fled from the scene. Shame on him, poor boy. I just hope he gets amnesia soon, so he'll be able to forget the horrendous moments. I shook my head in the unbelievable fact that I had been a part of this. I exited from the room immediately, when I heard Emmett and Jasper guffawing with laughter.

_-8-8-_

**A/N: Did anyone notice a line from '**_**Over My Dead Body'**_**? ;)**


	8. Secrets Revealed

**MIKE NEWTON, THE KING OF EMBARRASSMENT**

_I don't own anything. All copyrights go to Stephenie Meyer _©

**Name: **_Secrets Revealed_

**Summary: **Some secrets are meant to be hidden forever. The other secrets are always revealed, whether it being the next hour, or the next week, or thirty years later.

_-8-8- _

_I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry –it's not the end of the world.__  
_-Jay London__

_**-**__8-8-_

**Character Point of View: **Mike Newton

Jesus Christ.

What have I don't to deserve this hell? Let me tell you one thing. There are many, many ways to end up being the Loser Dude of Forks High. It's simple as gnat. All you have to do is to have a number of bladder problems in the hall, call your Biology teacher a whole hell of names, perform a food juggling-bath show in the cafeteria, have people think you have a crush on your Spanish teacher, who by the way, looks totally ancient. Oh, and did I mention barging out of your shower stall straight into the overpopulated locker room, flash everyone, and then start babbling about fire alarms and insurance?

Shit. I've got to see a therapist.

Wait, did I say that? No way. I am **not** going to see a shrink. End of story.

"_Mike_!" Mom screamed from downstairs.

Oops. Maybe it's not the end of the story after all. Mom had been yelling at me every five goddamned hours. I wondered what she wanted to blame on me this time. Whenever Dad finds something to blame on Mom, she then dumps all the blame on _me_. Sucks, doesn't it? I tell you, being the youngest member of the household has its disadvantages, since you don't get to blame anyone.

"Mike!" Mom hollered again. Jeez, she has a pair of lungs stronger than that of a banshee. "Come down!"

I followed her command like the diligent son I was, and soon I came to be standing in front of her, unbelievably dwarfed by her towering and menacing form.

"What," she began, her face rapidly turning purple. "is the meaning of this?"

And with that, she shoved a piece of paper. Confused, I took it, and opened it. When I saw the contents, my heart nearly stopped.

"Explain," she spoke through gritted teeth.

"It's not true," I said feebly. "It really isn't."

"Oh, really?" she exploded, and spit flew everywhere. "Have you ever thought about what this would do to your poor, old momma? Have you thought that-that the fact that you wrote a...love letter to your Spanish teacher yesterday...well, do you even know what it'll do to my reputation?"

"I..." I trailed off. How the heck would I explain this to her, without revealing my evil scheme about Rosalie to her? I sighed, and wiped my forehead.

Time to get this off my chest.

"Alright," I said wearily. "I'll explain everything."

_-8-8-_


	9. First Sight

**MIKE NEWTON, THE KING OF EMBARRASSMENT**

_I don't own anything. All copyrights go to Stephenie Meyer ©_

**Name: **_First Sight_

**Summary: **Mike Newton sees Bella Swan for the first time, and ultimately falls in love with her. Someone unexpectedly visits him, and ultimately gives him a fear-attack.

**Author's note: **I'm still horrified at what I've written. I absolutely cannot believe the fact, that it was **me** who wrote all these things. So hence, I've edited out the cringe-worthy parts of this fanfic, and I sincerely hope that it is far better than before.

_-8-8-_

_A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love._  
-Stendhal

_-8-8-_

**Character Point of View: **Mike Newton

**Time: **Two months later.

I was standing beside my car in the parking lot, with my popularity newly restored. Thank Jesus for that. Just then, I heard a loud roaring sound.

Shit! Was it a lion? I hate lions. They scare the hell out of me. My hand flew to my pocket, and I took out the new cell phone which my mom had gifted to me last month. I dialled the police department, and waited impatiently.

"Forks Police Department here," Chief Swan answered gruffly.

"Who –oh, it's you, Charlie. Tell me, how's the fishing business going on?" I asked in what I hoped was a cool manner.

"Look here, Mike," Charlie growled. "Did you just call me to interrogate me about the fishes, or to mock the police? I don't have any time for delinquents like you! And, don't _ever_ call me Charlie, or I'll sic the police dogs on you. Got it, boy?"

"Yes," I said. "But, there's this important matter here. You see, I think there's a lion on the loose in the Forks parking lot."

"How dare you?" Charlie exploded. "I _said_ I don't have any time for juvenile delinquents like you, Newton! Don't call the police like this again, or I'll report you to your mother. And meanwhile, there are _no_ lions in Forks High School! Think up a better excuse next time, you infantile runt!"

I opened my mouth to say something, but he ended the phone call. What a friendly dude.

Just then, I noticed that everyone in the parking lot was gawking at me, like I had four eyes.

"What?" I snapped at Lyndsey, a girl with a nose ring and two piercings in her left ear. She glared at me menacingly, and flipped the bird at me. She used both hands –a double flip. Unbelievable.

I turned away from her, and saw that the source of the roar was coming closer. Oh, and did I mention that it was a Chevy truck, which looked about a century old? Jesus Christ. Whoever owned this car must be dead-end ugly.

The car stopped, and a really, really pale chick got out, and shut the door. Forget what I said about the owner of the thousand-year old Chevy truck being ugly. _This _owner looked sexy...and lost. There's nothing far better than a lost, sexy chick for me. Just then, that son-of-a-gun, Eric-fucking-Yorkie ran up to her like the obsessed pup he is, and started the fawning. Christ. Is he a granny or what?

I growled furiously, but the noise came out sounding like a kitten's meow. Ouch. I swore loudly, and Lyndsey guffawed. She took out a camera and snapped my face before I could even move. And guess what? She took out a photo from her pocket, and showed it to me.

Jesus.

The picture from the incident, which my brain had classified as Operation Flash-in-the-Locker-Room, which I hope you're clever enough to decipher the meaning of. I wondered how the hell she managed to get this. Tyler Crowley probably smuggled it out, and sold hundred copies of the photo to every girl in this tiny school. Maybe even the whole town. I shoved it back at Lyndsey and she scampered off, laughing like hell.

I looked back at the pale chick, and remembered Mom gossiping about Chief Swan's kid from Arizona. I'd suspected that she was a tall chick with a deep tan and boobs too big for her. Guess I was wrong. _This_ chick looked nothing like anything my imagination had conjured up of Charlie Swan's daughter. No, she looked about as pale as that fucked-up bunch of Cullens.

I saw what Eric was doing now, and almost had a spasm. Would you believe that Eric Yorkie, the geeky kid with way too much pimples on his face and who never ended with any cute girls his whole seventeen years, was now asking out my future-girlfriend?

The Fates have got to be kidding me.

Now, Eric and the pale chick were walking away together. No way was I gonna let that happen. I pulled up my sleeves, and stalked in their direction, when I remembered something _important_: her name.

Shit. I didn't even remember her name.

I stopped in my tracks, and fumbled around in my mind for any name ending with Swan. Well, there was Charlie Swan -whom I pissed off today, and Renee Swan, his ex-wife who took out of Forks like a bat out of hell, when Jessica and I were barely out of diapers. Apparently, she found Charlie too suffocating and Forks too...rainy. Can you believe the utter weirdness of that?

Wait. There was another name...oh, yes. I've got it.

Isabella Swan, wasn't it? God help me, if I've got her name wrong. Now, back to this Yorkie-Swan business.

I_ was_ going to kill Eric Yorkie.

_-8-8-_

I was walking quickly to Biology class, cursing Eric Yorkie every minute. When I entered the room, I saw Isabella sitting with none other than Edward Sullen –I mean, Edward Cullen. Sorry about the Freudian slip there, man.

Anyway, Isabella was looking totally uncomfortable, and Cullen was staring at her, like...well, I can't explain it. It scared the shit out of me, and I wondered how the hell Isabella managed to sit beside Cullen without screaming her lungs off. She must be totally brave.

I looked around the room for any empty seats. Disappointment followed soon, for the only empty seat was beside April Lucas, a girl with braces and hair which looked like she had stuck her finger in an electrical socket. Unbelievable luck today.

I slouched over to April, and plopped down beside her, mourning my lost luck and future girlfriend. April looked at me with a loathing look, which only amplified the I-just-put-my-finger-in-the-socket look.

"What?" I snapped at her.

"Oh nothing," she sneered. "It's just that you've got about three bits of food in your teeth."

My hands flew to my mouth, and I tested my teeth with my tongue. No bits of food wedged in between. Thank god. April must be lying.

"Is it true?"

"Huh?" I looked at April. "Sorry?"

"Is it true?" she persisted. "I heard you went skinny-dipping in the Richards' swimming pool yesterday, and got caught by Chief Swan."

What the fuck?

"What the fuck?" I bellowed. "Who told you that bullshit?"

"Language, Mr. Newton!" barked Mr. Banner. "This is a class room, not a swearing contest!"

Cullen and Isabella didn't even notice. Mega-wow. I mean, that's the first time no one's ever jumped from hearing my huge voice.

"Sorry!" I said, and sank into my seat, and turned back to April, who was now reduced to a ball of frizzy hair and giggles.

"Oh. My. God," April guffawed, and burst out laughing again.

"Finished?" I asked sullenly, after she subsided. She pouted.

"Yes."

"Who told you that crap?" I asked her sharply.

"Jessica Stanley!" she declared. "Who else? Mrs. Goff?" She giggled at her bad joke.

_What_? Jessica did _not _just do that.

"Anyway, Jessica was the one who saw you," April continued. When she saw my look of disbelief, she added, "She says so."

My eyes bulged at this.

"I most definitely, certainly, absolutely did _not_ go skinny-dipping!" I howled furiously.

Everyone froze. Silence reigned everywhere, and I had to watch as Mr. Banner looked up from his notes, and went through the Dangerous Lights from the Dangerous Scale. In other words, Mr. Banner's face turned from pasty-white to bright neon-red to a shocking, thundercloud purple. Why the hell isn't this sequence of lights under the Dangerous category in the Guinness Records or something?

"Newton," said Mr. Banner menacingly, as he advanced down on me like a vulture. "What did you just say?"

"Um," I fumbled around. "I was saying..."

"Yes?"

"Well, I," I said, swallowing as I pointed at myself with my index finger. "You see, _I _here –I was going skinning-dipping. Skinning-dipping is my way of saying skinning the fishes, and dipping them in water...so I can clean them before dinner."

"Sorry?" Mr. Banner asked dumbly, his face momentarily confused.

"I mean, skinny- wait, I mean _skinning_-dipping is something of an abbreviation of skinning the fishes, and dipping them in water."

"Look here, Mr. Newton," snarled Mr. Banner. "I don't care what it's with you and your goddamned skinned fishes, but I will _not _condone any sort of talking in my class. And that goes for swearing like a goddamned sailor too, boy!"

"But you just swore now," I pointed out helpfully. Mr. Banner's nostrils flared dangerously. "I mean, you said 'goddamned' twice. They're swearing words, aren't they?"

"Maybe they are," hissed Mr. Banner. "Meanwhile, for homework, I suggest you write 'I will not swear or talk in class' hundred times. Understood?"

_What?_

"But," Rob Sawyer piped up, nervously. "We didn't swear or talk in class! I don't see why we should do that homework, sir."

"Not you, Sawyer! I meant Mike Newton!" barked Mr. Banner, a vein turning purple on his forehead. I feared it would pop right there.

"R-right, sir," said Rob sheepishly, sitting down slowly. "Sorry."

"Got it, Newton?" asked Mr. Banner.

I looked up. "Yessir!"

"What did you say?"

"Yes, sir," I repeated slowly.

"Huh –oh, right. Now, sit down and be quiet!" Mr. Banner commanded. I did so.

After the Devil –I mean, Mr. Banner- had swept away from me, I turned back to April. She was doing her work, and ignoring me. Good lord. I decided to ignore her back, and turned around to Isabella instead. Now, _that _was one hell of a perfect chick.

I kept a watchful eye on her the whole time. Cullen was leaning away from her like she had taken a shower in the smelliest sewer in the whole of America. I frowned. She had smelt perfectly fine to me, and I knew it since I'd passed her some time ago.

Meanwhile, Isabella didn't look comfortable either. I noticed that she had pulled a strand of hair to her nose, and taken a deep sniff, like she was checking for any smells. Weird. After her smell-check up, she let the strand go with a bewildered look.

I frowned again. I, Mike Newton, would never have treated her like that asshole Cullen.

Just then, the bell rang, and I got up eagerly just in time to see Cullen storming out of the room before Mr. Banner had even looked up. Even more strange. I noticed Isabella collecting her books with an unhappy air, punctuated with a few sniffs as well. So she was sad. This was my opportunity.

I ran a few fingers through my hair, and checked my teeth again for any bits of food. All fine. Prepping up my shirt, I swaggered to her side before she could even get up. I ran through various ideas to what to say to her.

_Hey, Isabella Swan! I'm Mike Newton, kid of Karen and John Newton! You know me, right? I'm also a great friend of Charlie, your dad, and I'm sure that he's mentioned me to you before, right? Okay, so I'm offering you a chance to date myself. Which, by the way, is a totally high honor. _Nah, too possessive and overly-enthusiastic.

_Isabella. Walk with me to lunch, and sit beside me. Don't date anyone else, by the way. You know I hate it, girlfriend. _No, too commanding. Girls totally hate commanding guys. They gravitate towards the hot, mysterious ones. And I'm one of them. Smirk. No, not the girls! I meant the hot, mysterious guys. Come on, dude.

_Wow! Zindebat! Oh my gawd! You're Isabella Swan! You're like, a celebrity here! Waaaah-ow! We can go together! _I almost cried there. It was too dorky, and sure as hell Eric-Yorkie style. I'm sure she's already suffered that disease. Poor girl.

By now, I was close to bawling my head off like a baby. Why did I always come up with these stupid ideas?

Great, now Isabella was getting up. Opportunity leaving alert! No fucking way was I gonna let it go.

"Uh..." my voice was barely audible to the classic beauty's delicate ears.

_Speak, Mike! You're hot, smart, totally bad-ass, and sexy. You can do it, dude. _

"Aren't you Isabella Swan?" I asked in my sexiest voice.

Isabella looked up from her books, with a surprised look.

_You should be surprised_, I thought. _F__or I am Mike Newton. _

I smiled in my friendliest manner, and she relaxed a bit. The Californian-boy smile. Always works. Trust me.

"Bella," she said sweetly, with a cute smile.

"I'm Mike," I almost sang.

"Hi, Mike."

"Do you need help finding your next class?" I was determined to gain her affections, even if it meant trudging in the opposite direction of my usual route.

"I'm headed to the gym actually," she replied in a monotone. "I think I can find it."

She didn't look very happy at the mention of the gym. So she was a dunce at sports, huh? I could teach her how to do it correctly. Mike Newton teaching Isabella Swan...this felt too much like one of those gooey chick-flick movies my mom often watched.

"That's my next class too," I said happily. When we walked together to the gym, I babbled on and on like a total ninny about my sad, sad, pathetic life.

"I lived in California 'til I was ten," I told. "My dad had to move to Forks when his parents –I mean, my grandparents- got sick. Then they died, and he had to take over the Newton's Outfitters business."

"Newton's Outfitters?" Bella asked me, puzzled.

"My grandpa's store," I said, disgruntled. That stupid store had ruined _all _my ambitions to return to Beverly Hills in California and start an entirely new life in the warm sun away from Wet Alaska –I mean, Forks. I'd suffered enough colds here to last one full year.

"Where did you live before you moved here?" I asked her, determined to wheedle out information. She was mysterious –one of the things I liked about her.

"I lived in Phoenix, Arizona," She replied. "I miss it there. It isn't all wet, and green like here."

I nodded understandably. I missed the heat too. "Yep. I agree with you there."

"Did you stay alone?" I asked.

"No," she said, laughing. "I lived with my mom and Phil."

Phil who? Her boyfriend? What the fuck?

"Phil?" I asked suspiciously, pouncing on the word. "Who's he? Your boyfriend?"

Isabella –I mean Bella- turned a bright crimson. Christ, she looked like a strawberry.

"No," she said quietly. "He's my mom's husband."

"Your step-dad?" I provided.

"Yeah."

"Oh –okay," I said. "Hey, what's your next class?"

Bella checked her schedule. "English. Why?"

"It's nothing," I lied. You know what the truth is? I'm obsessed with her.

Bella looked bewildered, but said nothing. By now, we had reached the gymnasium.

"So…did you stab Edward Cullen with a pencil or what?" I inserted, casually. I _wanted _to find out what had happened. Pardon me for sounding like Jessica there.

Bella cringed. She composed herself, and asked in a curious manner: "Was that the boy I sat next to in Biology?"

Oh. So that jerk Cullen hadn't even introduced himself. What an asshole.

"Yeah," I replied, looking at the linoleum floor nervously. What if she saw through my façade, and ditched me? Shit, that would kill me. "He looked like he was in pain or something."

"I don't know," she replied. "I never spoke to him."

Thank Christ. This was a first for me. I _could _get to win her after all. Thank Christ again.

"He's a weird guy," I stated, hoping to dissuade her from going after him, like every goddamned girl in this shitty, fucked up town had. "If I were lucky enough to sit by you, I would have talked to you."

Shit. Did I say that? Please tell me I didn't.

She said nothing, but walked off into the girls' locker room.

Shit. I'd said something wrong, didn't I? Shit.

For a millisecond, I contemplated following her there.

What! What the fucking hell? Follow her into the _girls' locker room_? Was I going crazy or something? Face-palm! I took a number of deep breaths to calm myself down.

_-8-8-_

Once I had dressed in my craptastic gym uniform, I marched into the gym, right into Eric Yorkie. I gave him one of my famous death-glares, while the dumb idiot merely attempted to move forward, ultimately stepping on my new sneakers. His eyes were glued on something over my head. I gave him a hard shove, and he stumbled back, falling down on his ass.

"Huh?" he said, blinking blearily as he got up. "Newton, you crazy pig."

He did not just call me that.

I balled my hands into fists, and moved forward, when I heard someone gasp behind me. I turned around and saw the delicate form of Bella Swan standing. Her eyes were large, and her lips were open in a small 'o'. I could have fainted there.

"Uh," I said, smiling goofily. "I was just teaching Eric some volleyball lessons."

Bella blinked.

"Oh, good," she said, biting her lip. Jesus, I wouldn't be surprised if her lip began to bleed. How many times has she bitten her lip?

Eric had gotten up, and was now walking to the other side of the court. I had to restrain myself from chucking a volley ball at that greasy head of his, and then pretending to apologize for 'accidentally' hitting him, and then hit him again and again, till he passed out.

Meanwhile, instead of playing with the others, Bella was sitting on the sidelines holding a volley ball. So she _was _a dunce, huh? Just then, something banged me on the forehead, and all I could see was silver stars. Stars like the stars on the flag of America. I shook my head, dazed. I realized that Bella had accidentally thrown the ball at my head. She mouthed _sorry_ to me but I was too dazed to respond, and in an attempt to hide my rapidly growing bump, I turned around and tripped over Eric's sneakered foot.

Ow.

_-8-8-_

I was sitting in my car, waiting for Bella. The parking lot was nearly empty. What if Bella didn't want to speak to me?

Just then, I spotted Bella exiting the building. I sat a bit straighter. Maybe she would run to my van…

I shook my head vigorously. No time for day-dreaming.

But no, Fate had to strangle me, for Bella ran past my van to that monster of a Chevy truck, and got in. She slammed the door shut. Even from a distance, one could see that she was trying not to cry and I wondered vaguely who had made her cry like that.

Did I mention that she didn't even look at me?

Bella's truck roared to life, and it rumbled past me, leaving me in the now-deserted parking lot.

What an awe-fucking-some day today is.

_-8-8-_

I parked the SUV in the driveway of my residence, and got out, still fuming over my lost opportunity with Isabella Swan. Since I was in a terrible mood, I didn't feel any happier when I saw Mom standing in the doorway.

What have I done this time?

"What did I do now?" I asked sullenly.

"Oh, Mikey!" whined Mom, looking hurt. "Why do you always say like that, honey? Come on in, there's a huge surprise for you!"

My heart turned to stone. Who was there? Unless…oh, shit.

Mom practically dragged me into the living room, where I saw Dad sitting at the sofa, eating his typical snack and watching the television covetously.

"What did you expect me to see now?" I snapped irritably.

Mom smacked me on the head. "Behave, Mike! She's been waiting for a long time to see you, sweetie, so be nice."

_She_?

It couldn't be.

"Tiffany!" screeched Mom. "Mike's here!"

And then, I heard the voice that was a major part of my worst nightmares: "Coming, Mom!"

Lord, please, no.

Tiffany Newton was my evil sister, recently turned twenty three years, and far worse than Lauren Mallory and Tyler Crowley combined. I was the happiest kid in Forks when she had to leave for the university in Seattle. Sadly, it was near Forks, and as a result she got to visit us more than three times a year. My personal Hell.

So when, two months ago, a dude called Robbie Reynolds proposed to her, she accepted. At first, Mom and Dad were like, "Oh no! Our baby Tiffie is all grown up! It was like yesterday, when she was in diapers!", and as days passed, it grew into, "Hurray! Tiffie's all grown up now, and we're looking forward to meeting our new grandkids."

On sunny days, I would occasionally wonder how she would treat her own kid.

I was jerked out of my reverie, when "Tiffie" came down the stairs, like some freaking Victoria's Secret model.

Who did she think she was –Gisele Bündchen? Great, now I sound like Dad.

Anyway, Tiffany had long, honey-blond hair, which would have made Lauren turn permanent green, and the trademark blue eyes of our family, along with the Californian-esque tanned skin. Lucky witch. She smirked lightly when she noticed me staring at her.

Robbie Reynolds was right behind her, and I shuddered when his ugly mug came into sight.

"Yo, Mick!" he greeted.

"It's Mike," I said frostily.

"Mike," said Robbie. "Sorry about that, man."

I shrugged in a non-committal way. _Apology not accepted._

"Hey, Mike," chirped Tiffany, and she grabbed me in a hug stinking of calla lilies. Yack. "I missed you, so and so!"

Shit.

_-8-8-_


	10. Concussed

**MIKE NEWTON, THE KING OF EMBARRASSMENT**

_I don't own anything. All copyrights go to Stephenie Meyer ©_

**Name: **_Concussed _

**Rating: **More than ten swear words here. Good enough for you?

**Summary: **Tiffany and Robbie take Mike biking. Sadly, Mike manages to turn a perfectly normal day to a disastrous one.

_-8-8-_

_When the spirits are low, when the day appears dark, when work becomes monotonous, when hope hardly seems worth having, just mount a bicycle and go out for a spin down the road, without thought on anything but the ride you are taking._  
**-Arthur Conan Doyle**

_-8-8-_

**Character Point of View**: Mike Newton

**Time/day: **Sunday

**Setting: **Newton residence

I was standing outside the washroom, where Tiffany was helping Mom fold sheets and clothes. In other words, she was fishing around for blackmail.

"Mom!"

I groaned, and buried my face in my hands. Tiffany and her whines. Fuck!

"Yes, Tiffie?" Mom asked kindly. "Something wrong? Did Mike put his sock in the microwave again?"

_I thought we made a deal not to tell that witch, Mom!_ I thought viciously. _How could you?_

"Mike put his sock in the microwave?" Tiffany sounded interested. "When?"

Mom laughed. "Oh, you should have been here, Tiffany. Mike apparently thought it would be quicker to dry his wet sock in the microwave one day. You were in Malibu that day, right?"

"Aw, dang it," sighed Tiffany. "I missed a fine show, Mom. What happened to the sock by the way?"

"It burned itself and the microwave to death," said Mom. "John had to drive in the middle of the night to fetch another one."

"That must have been so…stressful," Tiffany said in a sugary tone. Clearly, she was playing the teacher's pet. Or, in this case, mother's pet.

She must be up to something. I know she is.

"Oh, Mom!" exclaimed Tiffany after a short period of silence. "I had the gorgeous idea ev-uh!"

"Ev-uh?" Mom asked, confused.

"It means 'ever," said Tiffany, bluntly. "Something from university. Anyhoo, I had this idea that Robbie and I go biking in La Push this morning. It's lovely, right?"

Not really.

"That's a good idea," answered Mom brightly. "You need to get out more, since you're looking paler than usual. Oh, and could you take Mike along too? I need to pop up over at Susan Yorkie's house –she's having some problems dealing with the divorce- and on the way, I have to go to the supermarket. You know how Mike is like, right? He seems to find trouble, even in the supermarket! I'm sure nothing will happen in the midst of trees and dirt roads, so it looks like Mike will be safe with you and Robbie."

"Of course," chirped Tiffany. She obviously planned this, didn't she?

I heard footsteps, and I jumped up, before stumbling into my bedroom. I grabbed the first book I could find.

Tiffany, meanwhile, barged into my room, smirking like Elizabeth Banks. Come to think of it, she _does _look uncannily like a younger Elizabeth Banks. Whateva.

"Michael!" Tiffany screeched. "I _know _you heard me there. Put down that book, and get your ass over here."

I ignored her, and turned back to the magazine, despite the glaring fact that it was upside down. Oh, well. Suddenly, it was ripped out of my hands.

"Excuse me!" I exclaimed. "What was that for?"

"Your insolence," said Tiffany curtly, as she glanced at the magazine. "Well, well. What do we have here, baby Mikey? A porn magazine. I _so_ should show this to Mom."

"That's not mine," I yelled. "It belongs to Eric."

"Eric, Eric, Eric," chanted Tiffany. "Do I remember him? Yeah, he was that weaselly runt behind your back in your second grade yearbook photo. Oh, how _cute _you looked in oversized glasses, and two rabbitty buck teeth."

"Shut the fuck up, Tiffany," I growled.

"Using the 'fuck' word are we, Mikey?" she sneered, and promptly hurled the magazine out of the window. "Now get dressed, shit-face."

_-8-8-_

I stomped down towards the door, fuming like hell. Mom was on the sofa in the living room, nursing a terrible headache, while Tiffany and her pimple man, Robbie were waiting outside. When I reached the couple, I saw that Tiffany was sitting on a magnificent, navy-blue dirt-bike. How I envied her, the bitch. Meanwhile, Robbie was beside her, on a ratty, old street bicycle –which, no doubt, belonged to Dad; and he was smirking like he got a colony of ants up his ass. His bicycle, on the other hand, looked like it was gonna fall into a heap of rusted metal at any minute.

My bicycle was a sickly green, gifted to me by Dad last year, and it was sitting in the middle of the road. Tiffany had, without doubt, kept it there so that it would get run over. I hope it does. I'm really sick of the colour puke-green right now.

"Mom," I declared to the air. "I _am _not fucking going."

"Oh, Mike," chided Mom, from the living room. "Don't use bad words, dear. You have to go, honey."

"But-"

"Oh, don't worry," Tiffany twittered. "Michael's just a bit annoyed that he won't get to read his porn magazine now."

That was _not _my magazine, you pathological liar.

"What porn magazine?" squawked Mom, in a horrified voice.

"Don't you bother, Mom," hollered Tiffany. "I threw it away, and told Mikey not to be so naughty. Didn't I, Mikey-poo?"

"Shut the fuck up," I replied shortly.

"Sweet" was all she said, before I felt a sharp pinch on my butt.

"Ow!" I yelped, and turned around to see Tiffany smirking coldly. She gave me another pinch, this time on my cheek.

"Come on, runt," she barked.

_-8-8-_

The road loomed up in front of us, like some mirage. Tiffany was way ahead of us, pedalling like crazy. Robbie was far behind Tiffany and me, struggling to keep up with us on his tricycle. Poor dude. It looked like some race, not a biking trip.

"Move out of the way, numbskull!" yelled Robbie.

In reply, I flipped the finger at him. Ha –take that, you crazed cycle-maniac.

I felt something my cycle slow down, and my head swivelled around to see Robbie holding onto the seat of my bike, grinning sadistically. What the hell?

I pinched his hand till he let out a howl of pain, and promptly let go of my seat. I was about to let out a cheer, when I heard a loud hissing noise, and I looked down to see my bicycle veering dangerously off the road. In the middle of the hop-ride down the slope, I caught sight of Robbie roaring past me on his rickety bike as he tried to catch up with Tiffany. His bike was jumping up and down like a drunken horse, emitting puffs of smoke occasionally.

My bike, meanwhile, was punctured. I got out, and realized that the entire slope was full of pine needles, thanks to the pine trees around us. Robbie must purposefully made my bike veer off, and get pinged out by the needles. Quite the fox-headed dog, he is.

I went down on one knee, and surveyed the mess.

This certainly was gonna take a long time.

_-8-8-_

I pedalled as hard as I could, all the while, trying to keep my balance on the unsteady bicycle. At last, I managed to catch a glimpse of Tiffany and Robbie.

Did I mention that they were making out like rabbits under an unfortunate pine tree?

Shit.

Today is one of the worst-ever days.

Ever.

"Fuck!" I exclaimed, getting off my bike. "Fuck! Fuck!"

Tiffany let out a little squeal, and jumped off Robbie, who was looking a bit woozy.

"Mike?" she shrieked. "What are you doing here?"

"You brought me along," I sneered back at her, while trying to restrain the urge to walk up to Robbie, and socking him in the Johnson.

"Why did you guys leave me behind?" I fumed viciously.

"Did we?" said Tiffany, contemptuously. "Oh, Mikey, I am _soooo _sorry. Yeah, right."

Robbie just guffawed loudly. Son of a gun.

"Get your bike," snarled Tiffany, as she smacked my head hard. "We're going _now_."

_-8-8-_

"Mike!" Mom said. "Get up. It's dinnertime now."

"Five more minutes," I whispered.

"Come on, honey," Mom pleaded. "You have to eat."

My head felt ice-cold. I wondered why, and I reached up to feel my headache. My fingers found an ice-pack instead.

"What the hell!" I bellowed, jumping up. "What the hell!"

"Hush, Mike!" shushed Mom. "Robbie is studying upstairs."

Studying? Yeah, right. He's probably on Facebook with his weirdo friends.

"Mom," I yelled. "Tiffany put ice on my head!"

Mom looked concerned. "Of course, she did. You had a concussion after all."

"How the fucking hell did I get a fucking _concussion_?"

"Language, Michael! You crashed your bike into a tree, and hit your head pretty hard," said Mom, tears springing up in her eyes. "My goodness, if Robbie and Tiffie weren't there, we would never have found you."

"I didn't hit any tree!" I growled.

"See?" Tiffany said, from her place at the door. "I told you the concussion was pretty bad. He doesn't even remember it."

"What happened?"

"Well," Tiffany began in a bored voice. "Robbie and I were riding. You were lagging behind because _you_ told me that _you_ wanted to. Just then, we heard a crash and a scream. We stopped our bikes, and _you _were lying on the road, with your bike lying _upside down. _We ran over to you, and helped you up. I saw a big bump on _your_ head, and realized you had a concussion. Robbie was kind enough to carry your sorry ass on _his _bike." Tiffany smirked, and added, "And Dr. White is here, to see you."

Fuck.

_-8-8-_

"I didn't hit any tree," I protested, as Dr. White pressed around on my head, checking for any more signs.

"Of course you didn't," he said absently.

"I did _not_," I said loudly.

"That's nice to know," he replied in the same tone, and looked up from his clipboard. "Karen, there's nothing wrong I can find with Mike now, but I think it would be wise to take a dose of medicine now, and visit me after three days for another check-up."

Mom heaved a sigh of relief. "Thank you so much, Larry. If there's anything I could do for you…" Here, I zoned out.

Did I mention I'm gonna kick Eric's ass over Africa for leaving that porn magazine behind?

_-8-8-_


	11. Models in Training

**MIKE NEWTON, THE KING OF EMBARRASSMENT**

_I don't own anything. All copyrights to Stephenie Meyer ©_

**Name: **_Models in Training_

**Summary: **"There's a special in class today, children."

**Point of View: **Jessica Stanley

**Rating: **Profuse swearing from Mike

_-8-8- _

"_The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates."_

**-Dave Barry**

_-8-8-_

"So tell me," said Lauren, clutching her books like hell. "What's going on with Babyface?"

"He's called Mike," I said defensively. "Not Babyface."

"Puh-leaze," Lauren rolled her eyes. "Why would you care anyway? It's not like you have a crush on him...unless you do?"

"I do _not_!" I said, blushing red.

Lauren smirked like Cruella de Vil. Come to think of it; she _does _look like a younger, blond Cruella de Vil.

"Sure, you do."

"_No!_"

"Hey, guys," greeted a certain Mike Newton, from behind me. I turned around, and saw Mike wearing a fur hat.

"You should be sued for that, Babyface," I said, vaguely. "Wearing fur is horrible."

I heard Lauren guffaw, and realized my folly: I'd called Mike _'Babyface'_.

_Mon __dieu._

"Excuse me?" said Mike, turning the trademark Newton-purple. "What did you call me?"

"I wasn't calling you that," I fibbed. "I was calling...her."

Here, I waved my hand randomly at some blond chick with a plus-size figure. Now, guys –you do know that I have absolute _nothing _against plus-sized girls, okay? As a matter of fact, I have a plus-size figure. It was a coincidence that Katie Marshall happened to be standing where I'd waved my hand at. A very _unlucky _coincidence, by the way.

"You called Katie 'Babyface'?" exclaimed the stupidest boy I ever saw. "Shit. She's not gonna be happy to know that."

"And she's not happy right _now_," Katie Marshall snapped viciously, from behind Mike. "I thought I told you guys not to discuss my figure! You know how sensitive I'm about it. How could you, Mike?"

"What the fuck?" cried Mike. "I did nothing of the sort. It was Jessica who did it!"

And with that, the traitor pointed a stubby finger at me. You'd better start writing your epitaph now, Michael.

"Me?" I protested. "I wasn't calling you any name…Angela was."

Okay, okay. I know I should never have dragged Angela into this. But, desperate situations call for desperate measures.

"Angela?" yelled Katie. "What the hell?"

"She's there!" I pointed in the direction of Angela Weber, who had the misfortune to arrive in the hall, giggling like she knew something we didn't. Ben was holding her around the waist, and smirking like Edward Cullen.

Angela looked up, eyes wide with terror when Katie let out a war-cry, and stalked in her direction.

Sorry, Angela. I'll make up for it later. Perhaps an ice-lolly from _Sara's Ice Lollies_?

_-8-8-_

"Alright, children," said Mr. Mason, clapping his hands together. "I have a special assignment for you all today."

Are you serious? _Children_? Do we look like kids to you? Alright, Angela and Alice Cullen do –but not_ me_.

"Today," Mr. Mason almost sang. "We will be talking about role models, and your future career."

"Role models?" hissed Lauren. "Is the guy for real?"

"Sadly," I whispered back.

Lauren swore profusely.

"So, let's begin with Angela here," said Mr. Mason. "Angela, who's your role model?"

"Rosa Parks," said Angela, standing up. "She was the 'mother of the freedom movement'."

"That's a good choice," Mr. Mason nodded approvingly. "What do you want to be?"

"Well, there are many choices –a psychiatrist, a teacher or an environmentalist."

"Excellent choices," said Mr. Mason. "Sit down, Angela."

Angela sat down.

"Now, Mike!"

Mike stood up. "Shaq!"

"Sorry?" Mr. Mason said, confused.

Lauren giggled brazenly.

"Shaq!" declared Mike again. "Shaq's real name is Shaquille O'Neal. He's the top professional basketball player. Michael Jordan too!"

"This...'Shaq' and Michael Jordan are your role models?" said Mr. Mason in clear disapproval.

"Yeah," said Mike eagerly. "I wanna be a basketball player like them when I grow up."

"Sit down, Mike," said Mr. Mason, resignedly.

Mike plopped down, no doubt secretly letting out a bit of flatulence on the way. He's like that.

"Lauren?" asked Mr. Mason.

"Oh!" squealed Lauren as she stood up. "Yeah, Mr. Mason?"

I bet she's gonna make a living selling toilets.

"Who is your role model?" Mr. Mason asked, sullenly picking at his nails. Barely ten minutes, and he's already bored to death.

"Well," said Lauren, lifting up one finger. "My top role model is Gisele Bündchen...literally, Kate Moss, Milla Jovovich, and Sasha Pivovarova. Oh, and Jessica Stam!"

Five fingers up now. Let's pretend the last name doesn't share the first ten letters of my name too.

"I'm sorry?" Mr. Mason asked, horrified. "Who are all these people?"

"They're internationally famous supermodels, _duh_," sang Lauren. "I want to become a supermodel in New York, or Milan. And then, I'll model for Prada, Gucci, Dolce and Gabbana, and Chanel! And Vivienne Westwood too! And Vera Wang!"

Mr. Mason shook his head many times. "Sit down, sit down, sit down!"

"Now you, Jessica?"

I bounced up from my seat, and opened my mouth.

"I guess I'd like to be a fashion journalist," I babbled. "I wanna work for _Vogue _–the articles there are totally awesome."

"What the hell is with women and fashion?" grumbled Mr. Mason. "And would you like to tell us who your role model is, Jessica?"

"Well, um –I guess it'd be Anna Wintour."

"Hmph," said Mr. Mason. "Sit down, kid. Katie, it's your turn."

I sat down, as Katie waved her hands around excitedly and outlined her enthusiastic plans for her future.

I hate this class.

_-8-8-_

"Oh my god!" squealed Lauren, as she tottered towards me on precariously high heels. "Did you hear about Mike?"

"What now?" I moaned, clutching my head.

"Oh, quit behaving like a bitch," pouted Lauren.

"Are you calling me a bitch?" I exclaimed furiously, shoving books into my locker.

"Well, theoretically, yes."

"I can't believe you," I stated flatly. "You're weird."

"Ditto," said Lauren cheerily. "Anyway, news is that Mike tried to ask out our beloved, esteemed master –no, _mistress _- Isabella Swan."

"_What_?" My books clattered to the floor, including my diary.

"Yeah, it's all true," gossiped Lauren happily, utterly oblivious to my miserable face.

"Lauren?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut the hell up."

"Yo!" greeted Tyler Crowley, swaggering over to us, Eric Yorkie clamped uncomfortably to his shoulder by Tyler's huge, beefy hand. "What's up, girl?"

"Nothing's up, Tyler," I said sullenly. Tyler rolled his eyes, and turned to Lauren.

"Hey, babe," he said cheerily. "Cool dress, by the way."

"Shut the hell up," said Lauren, and stomped painfully towards Angela.

"Dude," exclaimed Tyler. "What's with the attitude?"

"I have utterly _no _idea," I said clearly. "She's always like that. You should know."

_-8-8-_


	12. Unfair Life

**Mike Newton's POV of the Cullen's and Bella Swan**

_**Disclaimer: - I do not own Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does. **_

* * *

**Name of chapter: - _Life Isn't Fair_  
**

**Rating: - K+**

**Summary: - Takes place in New Moon. Starts on Bella's birthday. Watch through Mike's eyes.  
**

**Author's Note: - I am so sorry for making you wait for a long time! Review please?PLEASE!!!  
**

* * *

**Mike Newton's point of view. (Takes place in the cafeteria)**

I watched with narrowed eyes as Bella chatted amiably with Alice Cullen at the Cullen's table. When she first met them and sat with them, the group was called "the Cullen's and Bella Swan". Now it was just "the Cullen's". To us, Bella was now an unofficial member of the Cullen family. It is possible they thought of her as a member of their family, but then, they don't exactly announce about everything going on in their family on a megaphone.

As I watched, Edward freaking Cullen leaned down and gave a light peck on Bella's lips. My cheeks burned with jealousy, and for the two-thousandth time, I wished I were Edward there, kissing Bella's lovely lips. Absent-mindedly, my hand raked through my hair, which was recently changed. I had changed my hairstyle from the usual gelled one to a more, hotter look. I called it the Edwardian Mike look. It was an imitation of Edward Cullen's windblown hair, and I thought Bella might go for me, and dump Cullen now and then. Then, I was wrong. Was it me, or did the Cullens (including Bella) laugh at my new hairstyle behind my back? Instead of Bella going for me, and dumping Cullen, she merely ignored me more and treated me with …pity?

I had watched the other members of the Cullen family to see how they would react to Bella sitting with them. Jasper was okay with it, it seemed. Emmett was so…so thrilled with the arrangement, like a child who just got the Christmas present he was waiting for so long. Alice was hyperactive as usual and very chatty today. She liked Bella, it was evident. It was highly unusual for the Cullens to start liking Bella, since they often turned their noses up at anyone out of their family. Rosalie Hale turned her nose up at Bella, as usual.

Someone nudged me in the arm.

"Ow!" I yelped turning to Jessica Stanley. She was glaring at Bella.

"What do you want, Jessica?" I complained.

"Why are you looking at _them _?" she snarled. "Why weren't you listening to me?"

I glowered at her. We had only gotten together 2 weeks ago, and she still was making it difficult for me. God, did Jessica have to be so _pushy _!?

* * *

Mr. O'Leary was explaining something about biology, but I really wasn't listening. Ugh, that old man sounded so much like a decrepit duck. He kept quacking on and on like one.

I shot a glance at the Bella-Edward couple behind me. These days, they were practically joined together at the hip. It was hard not to be jealous of them.

Bella caught my eye as I glanced at them. Since I didn't want her to think I was spying on them, I smiled. She smiled back and went back to whatever she was doing. I scowled.

She was so sweet, and ....I don't know, very likable? Probably. I wish Jessica was like her. All that that girl [Jess]did these days was to prattle on and on about some thing trivial or Jessica-ish. She was really boring to listen to.

I shot another peek at Bella. She was writing notes and smiling to herself. Beside her, Cullen glared at me. It's so creepy, like that guy has a mind-reading radar. Whenever I think of how hot Bella is, he glares at me. Creepy.

I wanted to give Bella a gift (because I know today is Bella's birthday), but then, Cullen would probably convince Bella that it was a bomb, and then throw it down the drain. Man, I really hate Cullen. I wish he'd just drive his stupid oh-so-shiny silver fancy Volvo off a cliff. Serves him right. And then if he died, I could comfort my weeping Bella, and then we'd be friends, and after a few weeks, she come to my house...we'd hang out together...watch movies at my house...and then BAM!. We'd start kissing..and then Bella and I would confess to our love for each other...and then we'd date for about three months...and then I'd take her to a restaurant at Port Angeles (that La Bella Italia restaurant would be a good idea...the restaurant suits Bella well..)and then after Bella's had dessert, I'd go down on one knee and take Bella's hand in mine and ask her...Then we'd be married on a lovely beach in Florida (it should be Florida, since Bella told me that she hated rainy places, and since Bella was raised there. So Florida should be perfect.) .....we'd honeymoon at a perfect Mexican hotel...and there Bella would push me on the silky bed...remove my shirt...

_THUCK!!!_

What? I looked around, and spotted a crumpled ball of paper lying on my desk. Confused, I opened the crumpled ball of paper and read:

** SHUT UP** _  
_

What did that mean? I wasn't talking at all. And who wrote this? The handwriting was written in bold, capital letters, and just was not academic like the teachers', not fancy like all the Cullen siblings' handwriting were, not curvy like Jessica and Lauren's were, not illegible like Bella's. So for the life of everyone, I didn't understand what it meant.

* * *

_**Edward Cullen POV**_

Mike Newton was being especially irritating today. Would one day pass by when he didn't think thoughts, especially perverted thoughts, about my Bella? His thoughts broke through the mental barrier I had so forcibly put in my head to block out his nasally sounding mental voice.

_We'll honeymoon at a perfect Mexican hotel...and there, Bella'll push me on the silky bed...and remove my shirt..and th-_

I couldn't take it. It took nearly all my strength not to hit Newton on that spot. I took a deep breath and another. I tore a piece of paper from my notebook (at lightning speed, so Bella didn't see me do it) and wrote two words "Shut Up" in bold capital letters and in a handwriting different from my usual one (so that he wouldn't suspect me or Bella). I balled it and hurled it at Newton at the speed of lightning. No one had seen me do anything. Good. I glanced at Bella. She was writing her notes calmly, unaware that her boyfriend had just thrown a ball of paper at another boy.

I didn't care what Newton thought of the two words printed on the paper. I just wanted him to stop thinking such thoughts about Bella. Just then, Newton's thoughts broke into my head, and almost made me laugh.

_What person throws a ball of paper with nothing except the words "Shut up" on it at me? What does this note mean? It's gotta be a secret note with secret handwriting...I read about them in Sherlock Holmes....Hey, maybe someone sent that note...could go home and check it out...really cool trick...maybe the letters S and U mean something? I think it could mean..._

I tuned him out, and his voice became a low hum in the background. The sight of Newton trying to puzzle out a non-existent secret letter was incredibly funny.

* * *

_**Mike Newton POV (after school)**_

I watched Cullen with jealousy. That man didn't even know he was so lucky to have a girl like Bella. This made me more jealous. How was it that Cullen got everything -good grades (I had overheard about this from the teachers' staffroom), a hot body (from what I've heard from the girls), good looks (I heard about this from the female population of Forks High), and last of all, a perfect girlfriend (I heard it from myself)?

Life wasn't even fair.

I sulked more, as Bella got into Cullen's stupid Volvo, along with Alice Cullen and Edward Cullen.

* * *

_**Edward Cullen POV  
**_

_....That man doesn't even know he is so lucky to have a girl like Bella...._

I stopped. Newton was being jealous of me, as rambled on and on about me getting everything,all the while getting more and more miserable.

_Life's not even fair. _Newton ended unhappily._  
_

"Life isn't fair, it's just fairer than death, that's all," I quoted William Goldman under my breath.

Alice looked up at me, confusion written on her face.

_Edward? What's with the "life isn't fair" thing? Is something wrong? Should I...? _She asked me anxiously in her mind.

I shook my head at her quickly.

"It's nothing," I mouthed at her as I got in the car.

"Well, let's go for the party!" Alice squealed behind me,all traces of worry gone from her mind. Beside me, Bella groaned audibly.I sighed.

No, life wasn't even fair.

* * *

**Hey, guys....I'm really sorry for holding you up for so long *ducks from tomato thrown at me*......I beg you, please forgive me!!!**

**More than 163 reviews = 1 more chapter**

**I'm getting more trouble writing the future chapters...so could you suggest ideas for me?? Also, I won't be writing pranks in the future chapters cuz New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn are slightly dark, cuz of the dangers looming ahead (eg:-Victoria, the Volturi etc)and the Cullens can't play pranks during such times.**

**So, I won't be writing pranks, (I'm really sorry!!!!!!I just can't find a suitable timeline to fit it in and I don't support alternate universes...)**

**Also....**

**NOTE:- BEWARE OF NEXT CHAPTER...IT IS THE SADDEST CHAPTER...(cuz Edward leaves Bella in that chapter)**

**In next chapter:- Edward leaves Bella, in Mike's POV. **

**Please suggest ideas for next chapter...**

**Yours, **

**BookFanatic1997  
**

P.S Anyone got/written a good Jace's POV of Mortal Instruments series fanfic????I'd like to read them!!!


	13. Isabella's Unhappiness I

**MIKE NEWTON, THE KING OF EMBARRASSMENT**

_All copyrights go to Stephenie Meyer ©_

**Name: **_Isabella's Unhappiness_

**Rating: **Large amount of swear words by Mike

**Summary: **When Isabella Swan mysteriously goes missing, Mike tries to find her.

**Timeline: **New Moon [Edward dumps Bella in the forest]

_-8-8-_

"A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the species of woman in whose company he finds himself electrified and enkindled, but for that one in whose company he may feel tenderly drowsy."

-George Jean Nathan

_-8-8-_

**Character Point of View: **Mike Newton

I sat on the sofa lazily, munching on a packet of Doritos. No –you misunderstand me. I'm eating the Doritos _inside _the packet, not the packet. Some pathetic baseball game was on the television, but I didn't give a darn. No, I didn't give a darn because I was practically asleep at the moment.

The phone rang.

My first impulse would have been to chuck my packet of Doritos at it, but right now…well, let's say, this was the last packet of Doritos I had now.

"Mike!" screeched Mom, from the kitchen. "Get the phone!"

I made no move to get up. Why not let Mom or Dad get the phone themselves?

The phone shrilled out again.

"Mike!" Mom roared. "Get. The. Phone."

What if the caller on the phone was Jessica, yapping about whatever trivial thing happened to her? Something's seriously wrong with her –I mean, come on. She called me at one in the morning last week. _One _in the flipping _morning_, before the sun even peeked out. Who on Earth is that crazy to call at that hour?

"For Pete's sake," howled Mom. "I can't take the phone, because my hands are in the dough! Do me a favor, and get the bloody phone!"

Whatever happened to the no-swearing-in-the-house rule?

Groaning, I dragged myself up, and grabbed the phone.

"Newton residence," I growled. "You'd best tell me what the fu-"

"John!" screamed Charlie Swan. "Where the hell are you?"

"Um…" I faltered. "I'm Mike actually."

"Mike," asked Charlie. "Is that you?"

"Yeah."

"Call your father, boy," commanded Charlie. "I need him now."

"Dad's not here," I said. "He's busy in his study."

"Fine –call your mom."

"Okay," I told, and then took a deep breath. "_Mom_!"

"Ow!" Charlie yelped on the other line. "What'd blazes did you have to scream into the phone for?"

"Sorry," I said apologetically. "I meant to call Mom."

"Well, call her," snarled Charlie. "And don't scream on the phone either. Your mother's not on the phone, boy!"

"Hey, Mom –Charlie's on the phone!" I hollered, taking care to keep the mouthpiece covered.

A few moments later, Mom scurried out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on the dishtowel.

"Honestly, Mike," she grouched. "Don't you even know how to call me properly? Frankly, I think-"

"Charlie's on the phone," I mouthed to her. She closed her mouth, and took the phone, eyeing me like I just killed someone.

"Hello, Chief Swan," she said in that voice she specially reserved for guests. "Karen Newton here."

The conversation took approximately five minutes, through which Mom hemmed and hawed each second.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Apparently," Mom began, looking disapproving, like I was responsible for whatever mess occurred. "Isabella Swan is missing. Chief Swan found a note of paper on the table, and he thinks that his daughter has run off with one of those Cullen kids –Edmund or Edwin, something like that. Personally, I thought that she was never one to elope."

"Please don't speak about Bella like that, Mom," I said softly. "I know she didn't elope, Mom."

Mom just shrugged, and went upstairs –kitchen work forgotten.

I wasted the rest of the hour by watching some stupid reality show on television –and brooding over what Bella found so attractive in Edward-fucking-Cullen. Was it the weird hair, which looked like it had been attacked by a demonic hair dryer? Was it his face? Hell, he didn't even have any stubble. Why, I've never so much seen a hair poking out of his chin, every time I see him.

Cullen is a weirdo.

Some minutes later, Mom came down the stairs, Dad trotting at her heels. Both of them were dressed for outdoors, and hey –was that a torch in Mom's hand?

"Hold on," I put my hand in front of them. "Mom, Dad –what's this all about?"

"Chief's putting together a search party," snapped Mom. "Move, Mike –we're late."

"What for?" I squawked.

"Isn't it obvious?" Mom said, raising her eyebrows.

"Bella," I said, hollowly.

_Oh, god. _


	14. Isabella's Unhappiness II

**MIKE NEWTON, THE KING OF EMBARRASSMENT**

_All copyrights go to Stephenie Meyer ©_

**Name: **_Isabella's Unhappiness II_

**Rating:** Tiny swearing by Mike

**Summary: **Mike goes on a failed search-party in the forest to find his lost "love".

**Author's note: **I managed to upload this chapter, so I guess I was lucky this time. Meanwhile, I've pruned away all the childish parts, so it's all good now.

_-8-8-_

**Character Point of View: **Mike Newton

"Bella?"

The word was out of my mouth before I knew it.

Mom and Dad exchanged a worried look.

"Charlie wants us to find her," Dad explained shortly. "You're free to come if you want to."

_-8-8-_

"Any sign of her?" asked Charlie, anxiously.

Mr. Sheldon shook his head. Charlie's face fell for a moment before he looked away quickly.

Meanwhile, a bunch of guys from La Push had offered to join the search –and I suspected that Charlie's friend, Billy Black had something to do with it. Billy Black didn't come, but his kid Jacob did. Jacob was a tall dude with long, stringy hair and a set of pearl-white teeth. He offered a shy, albeit nervous grin when Charlie introduced him to us in a vague manner.

Sam Uley was the leader of the gang. You could tell that just by looking at him, and the way his fellow gang members treated him. I'd met him over a year ago on the beach, and he didn't look so threatening then. Each member of his gang all looked identical in an odd sort of way. They had the same light copper skin, and closely cropped black hair, and the same gigantic height.

Charlie was outlining the routes each search group would take. It was kinda complicated for me, so I zoned out instead.

Mom tapped me on my shoulder, and asked whether I had my torch. I confirmed this by waving my torch at her. She glowered at my flamboyant reply, and hissed a furious warning about behaving in public.

Blech. Like I give a rat's fart about behavior. Why the fuck should I care, when Bella could be lost right now in the forest?

Charlie and Dad decided to co-lead our group, which consisted of me, Mom and Dr. Snow. Dr. Snow was a nervous looking man, with a ferrety face and watery-blue eyes. Jessica hated him.

We searched and searched the forest.

Sometime later, we tripped away from the tangle of trees that marked the entrance of the forest. Dad stank like hell, so as a result Mom was groaning on and on about how it would take _ages _to clean the stench out when the bleach was in such a short supply now. At least, that's what I think she said.

I swatted at a mosquito hovering near my ear. Jessica told me that when she was ten, she once swallowed a mosquito. Cool, ain't it?

Dr. Snow sniffed –like a ferret, if I may say so- and took out his handkerchief to wipe his glasses, while Charlie fiddled with the battery of his torch.

Mr. Sheldon and Charlie's deputy –I think he was called Mark- were already waiting with their groups at our starting point.

"Did you find -?" Charlie trailed off when he saw Deputy Mark shake his head somberly.

A minute later, Sam tramped from the forest, carrying a bundle of yellowish orange clothing. His gang followed behind him, all wearing perfectly mastered poker faces. When Sam came closer, I saw that he wasn't carrying a yellow bundle of cloth…it was Bella.

Bella did not look well. Her skin was pale –pale to the point of vampirism- and her teeth was chattering, while her hands clung to Sam's neck like a lifeline.

"_Bella!_"

The inhuman cry came from Charlie, who dropped his shotgun and sprinted towards the shivering mass in Sam's arms. When he tried to tug her out of Sam's arms, she wouldn't let go. Sam's face was grim as he unlocked her stiff hands, and handed her to her near-hysterical father. Charlie stifled a grunt as he felt the brunt of Bella's weight on his arms.

I moved closer, and that was when I heard her barely audible sobs. It reminded me of Cullen somehow.

Speaking of Cullen… where was he? Wasn't he supposed to be at her side, as always? He'd gone with her on the walk to the forest, hadn't he?

"Mom, where's Edward?" I asked, trying not to attract attention. "Wasn't he supposed to be with Bella this evening?"

Mom's eyes snapped towards mine. "Edward-?"

"Yeah, Edward," I said impatiently. "Edward Cullen."

Mom let out a shocked gasp, and whispered something in Dad's ear. Dad looked distressed and passed the whisper on to Dr. Snow who in turn passed on the question. Soon, everyone but Charlie and Sam's gang knew about Edward Cullen's absence.

It was Dad who decided to make the move. He tapped Charlie on the shoulder awkwardly, and whispered in his ear about Edward. Charlie's eyes widened as the grisly truth set in, and he told Dad that he would deal with Edward Cullen's disappearance later. Dad nodded grimly, and herded Mom and I back to the car.

"Wait –where are we going?" I protested as Mom put her seatbelt on. "Hang on –we're going home, aren't we?"

Mom twisted around in her seat, so that she was facing me. "Well, what did you expect, Mike? We can't intrude on the Swans' privacy all night."

"But I didn't even get to see Bella!"

"Mike, quit behaving like a spoiled baby," snapped Mom. "Bella is not some animal in the zoo you can gawp at all the time. She's in a very bad condition right now."

"What happened to her?" I asked curiously. "And where was Cullen?"

Mom and Dad exchanged that stupid look again. "Should we tell him -?"

Dad nodded stiffly, so Mom sighed and turned to me.

"Isn't it obvious?" she said softly. "Edward Cullen left her."

_-8-8-_


	15. Phone Calls

**MIKE NEWTON, THE KING OF EMBARRASSMENT**

_Copyrights go to Stephenie Meyer ©_

**Name: **_Phone Calls_

**Summary: **Mike attempts to contact Bella, a week after Edward left her.

**Status: **Edited

_-8-8-_

Depression is not sobbing and crying and giving vent, it is plain and simple reduction of feeling...People who keep stiff upper lips find that it's damn hard to smile."

-Judith Guest.

_-8-8-_

**Character Point of View: **Mike Newton

_Beep-beep. Beep-beep._

No reply.

I sighed, and dialled the number again.

_Beep-beep. Beep-beep._

Nah –still nuthin'.

I sighed in frustration, and slammed the receiver down. Why wouldn't she pick the fucking phone? I was trying to be her goddamn friend.

I'd been calling Bella countless times this week. Most of the time, Charlie had picked the phone, and told me to quit calling them. Once he'd taken pity on me, and told me in a kindly tone how Bella was doing.

_Listen here, boy –I'm sick of you and your blasted phone calls, so this will be the last time I will ever speak to you this month. Got it, boy? And, no, Bella isn't recovering yet, kid! There, goodbye. _

Or maybe not such a kindly tone after all.

"How is she?"

I whirled around to find Mom standing in the doorway, with her arms crossed across her chest.

"No one answered the phone." I told her.

"Oh, honey," Mom exhaled as she moved towards me and gave me a tight hug. "Maybe you should leave the poor dear alone, Mike. She won't be able to get better if you keep haranguing her all the time."

"Oh" was all I said.

"Meanwhile," continued Mom. "I hear that Jenna's coming over this week, with her daughter, Jessica. I think it will do you some good to quit ...worrying over Bella, and get to know Jessica better."

I think she meant: "Mike, just forget Bella, and go out with Jessica! She likes you, and maybe you do!"

"What?" I exclaimed. "Jessica's a blabbermouth!"

"Blabbermouth?"

"Yeah, blabbermouth," I said, waving my hands about. "If I say, "Hey, Jess –I'm going over to the Swans' house", she'll somehow twist it into a ridiculous concoction, and spread a rumour around school that I apparently went over to Bella's house, and made out with her behind Cullen's back!"

Mom laughed. "Oh, Mike –don't be so one-sided and prejudiced. Just spend the day with Jess, okay? Maybe you'll find she's not so bad after all. It's not like I'm asking you to kiss her, honey."

"Yech," I said, flatly. "I'd rather sleep in a bed overfilling with cockroaches than spend the day with Jessica whatever-her-middle-name-is Stanley."

"Jessica's middle name is Scarlett," said Mom cheerfully. "By the way, get that bed of cockroaches ready, won't you?"

_-8-8-_


	16. Cafeteria Secrets

**MIKE NEWTON, THE KING OF EMBARRASSMENT**

_All copyrights go to Stephenie Meyer ©...and I don't own _The Simpsons _either!_

_-8-8-_

**Name:**_Cafeteria Secrets_

**Status: **Edited

**Summary:**Ever since the controversial departure of the Cullens, Mike Newton has been on the lookout for a certain girl. But during a harmless cafeteria lunch with Lauren, Eric, Angela, Ben and Jessica –certain secrets are revealed.

_-8-8-_

**Character: **Mike Newton

I sat at the table, wondering how the heck my life got so pathetic in such a short stretch of time. I'll give you one word: Cullen. And another word: Lauren. Christ, how on earth did Lauren get so gung-ho about this whole crappy affair?

Everyone was seated at our table. Wait –not everyone as in the whole of the school. I mean everyone as in Eric, Ben, Angela, Lauren and Jessica. Tyler was absent today, having come down with the flu.

"Did you know that her father's going to send _her _to a shrink?" gossiped Lauren, studying her perfectly manicured nails. "Oh my god, I would _so _not be friends with her."

I didn't need a dictionary to know who 'her' was.

"Yeah!" Jessica nodded vigorously, her curls bouncing everywhere by the aforementioned nod. "She's, like, the most pathetic person I've ever seen, except for Homer Simpson from _The Simpsons_."

"Homer Simpson?" piped up Eric, defensively. "What's wrong with Homer?"

Jessica rolled her eyes. "Come on, Eric. Don't be dumb –I mean, even you know that Homer looks weird with his weirdo bug eyes."

"This is about Homer's bug eyes?" Lauren asked her eyes wide. "God, you guys are totally stupid. We're fighting over a fictional character, Jessica."

"Homer's not fictional," whined Eric. "He still lives in Springfield."

"Oh, yeah?" snapped Lauren. "Snap out of it, dumbass. Everyone knows that Homer doesn't exist. Tell me, Eric –how do you know that Homer still lives in Springfield?"

"I saw it on his website," mumbled Eric. "He has a blog too."

Lauren let out a guffaw, and shook her head at Eric. "You really are stupid, Yorkie." Jessica nodded again. "No wonder Bella didn't go to prom with you," Lauren added cuttingly. Jessica's eyes went wide in shock, and Angela stifled a horrified gasp.

"Don't be like that, Lauren," said Angela, reprovingly. She turned to Eric. "Eric, you know Lauren didn't mean it like that."

Lauren rolled her eyes in exasperation. "Come on, _Angela_ –quit being a Virgin Mary. Even he knows it."

Several pairs of eyes turned in Eric's direction. He bowed his head, and shrugged.

"I don't know," he said finally. Lauren rolled her eyes again in disgust.

"Anyway," she said, fishing out a metal nail file from her _Hello Kitty _bag. "I heard some more news. Bella's father is shipping her off to her mom's place in Summerville, Florida or something like that."

"It's Jacksonville," I said sullenly. "Not Summerville."

Lauren snorted. "Like I care."

"Then you're stupid," I snapped back.

"Oh, I know!" Lauren said suddenly, tears forming in her eyes. "Everyone tells that to me, even behind my back. My mom, my dad, and-and everyone!"

She stopped filing her nails, and shoved the nail file back in the bag. She stood up, and glared at our group.

"Goodbye, everyone," she declared, tears running down her cheeks. "I hope y'all have a bad day."

After Lauren stormed off, Jessica looked at us uncomfortably.

"Um...guys?" she began, licking her lips. My eyes followed her tongue as they ran over her pink lips.

"Mike?"

I jumped out of my weird trance. "Yeah, um, yeah."

"What?" Jessica said, raising her eyebrows.

"You're right," I babbled. "You're totally right."

"Right about _what_?" said Jessica, impatiently. "I didn't say anything yet."

"Oh."

I felt my face growing hot. "Um...could you continue?"

Jessica smirked at me, and said, "Well, there's something...off with Lauren, you know?"

"Yeah," said Angela, slowly. She frowned slightly. "I overheard Lauren on the phone. It was nothing, really...but I was curious."

"Go on," prodded Ben. "What happened?"

"I-I know I shouldn't have listened," whispered Angela. "I mean, I'm not one to eavesdrop on others. But I was in the wrong place at the time, and she just happened to be there, you know? And then, out of nowhere, she starts talking, and I'm standing there, and I-I can't walk away, and she doesn't know I'm there."

She sniffed, and rubbed her eyes.

"You can tell if you want," offered Ben, kindly.

"No, it's okay," said Angela, biting her lip. "I want to tell anyway, because I don't want to hold it in. Anyway, I was standing in the door to girls' locker room, and it's empty, except for Lauren. And then I'm about to walk into the room, when she takes out her phone, and calls someone. At first, she was whispering, so I didn't hear anything. So when I was about to decide to leave, she starts screaming into the phone, and basically yelling all sorts of names into the phone."

I could practically hear the wheels turning in Jessica's head as she spoke. "So Lauren was yelling at someone? Who was it?"

"I don't know," replied Angela. "I was just in the doorway, and-and then it happened. I'm so sorry."

"Well, it could have been some asshole friend," I suggested. "She does have a lot of those."

"Or she could be bipolar," added Eric. "Lauren sure acts it sometimes."

"Maybe she's on drugs," hinted Ben.

"Hey, I may not know Lauren like the back of my hand," defended Jessica. "But I _do _know her well enough that she won't stoop so low so as to use drugs. She's just not like that. Oh, she may bitch on and on about how yucky your shoes are, or _hell_, even call you a 'slut' to your face –but she'd never use drugs."

"This is pointless," I said. "That problem is _her _business, and not ours. And besides, what's she ever done for us to earn our respect and friendship? Besides being a total stink, I mean?"

"She was our best-friend since first-grade," pointed out Jessica, softly. "And she used to help us all the time."

"People change all the time," announced Eric. "And Lauren's no exception."

"Still," said Jessica, looking worried. "I think something's not right with Lauren."

"Do whatever you want," I said, unconcerned. "But I still think she's a total pain-in-the-ass."

"Mike," warned Jessica, looking fragile. "Please."

I shrugged in a non-committal manner.

"Alright, guys," pronounced Jessica. "I've reached a decision."

She took a deep breath. "I'm going to find out what's up with Lauren. I have a feeling it's something really bad."

_-8-8-_


	17. Blind Eyes

**MIKE NEWTON, THE KING OF EMBARRASSMENT**

_All copyrights go to Stephenie Meyer ©_

_-8-8-_

**Name:**_Blind Eyes_

**Summary:**Bella Swan has been disconnected from the world ever since Edward left her. Mike tries to do something about it...and comes away unsuccessful.

_-8-8-_

**Character: **Mike Newton

I sat anxiously in the seat beside Bella. As I waited, I noticed that there were four odd shaped dents under the table. Huh? How did that happen?

Just then, Bella shuffled in, her eyes all but dead to the world. I bit my lip. How the hell did this happen?

"Hey, Bella!" I greeted cheerily. "How are you?"

She didn't reply as she arranged her books on the table. I tried again.

"Uh –Jess and the gang are going out this evening," I said, my confidence oozing out by the second like a deflated balloon. "Wanna join? We're going to La Push."

Bella shook her head.

"Look," I said, hesitantly. "Cullen was a total jerk, dumping you like that."

To my horror, tears welled up in her eyes. She sniffed, and thinking quickly, I handed her a couple of tissues. She took them without a word and dabbed at the salty drops on her cheeks.

"Edward isn't a jerk," she said.

This made me pissed. Why did she think he wasn't an asshole for throwing her away like that? Something's seriously wrong with her.

"Why?" I asked, belligerently.

"He left because..." she trailed off. "It was my fault."

"What do you mean?" I asked again, confused. "How can it be your fault?"

She shook her head, and refused to say anymore. I spent the rest of Biology ruminating over what her strange words meant.

Needless to say, I didn't get any good results.


	18. A Date With the Gossip Queen

**MIKE NEWTON'S POV OF THE CULLENS AND BELLA SWAN.**

**DISCLAIMER: Nope. Still don't own Twilight. **

**Name: **_A Date With The Gossip Queen_

**Rating: **K+

**Summary: **Mike has a date with Jessica.

**Author's note: **I know most of you didn't like the previous chapters, and trust me, I _am _trying to hurry up on to the Cullens' return...plz review? Most of you want to see Mike being pranked, yes? Well, in the Post-Breaking Dawn chapters, I promise you, there will be pranks, with a touch of the La Push wolf-pack and Nessie!

* * *

_Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere. _

_**-**_**Mae West**

* * *

The cars zoomed around, all blurring into a colorful mass. I was waiting here for Jessica.

I had invited her to that restaurant in Port Angeles, what was it?

_Bella Italy_?

No, not that._ La _something...oh, yes!

_La Bella Italia_. The name reminded me of Bella...

"Hey, Mike!" Jessica's over-eager voice sounded in my head. Jeez, she was _so _loud. I'd be lucky if I didn't go deaf within 2 hours.

Resisting the urge to point out that she was half-an-hour late, I smiled feebly. "Hey, Jess."

We walked into the restaurant and quickly chose a booth. Jessica picked up the menu and scanned through it.

You see, I've decided to leave Bella alone. I don't know why. Why should I pine away for her when she won't even look at me? So then, the next day I decided to ask Jessica out on a date.

_I was waiting outside the classroom. The bell had rung, and everyone was streaming then Jessica, stalked out of the classroom. She looked really pretty..._

_"Yo, Jess!" I greeted her. She looked at me. _

_"Mike." And then she turned to go._

_I stopped her, and smiled quickly. "Um..Jess, I was wondering if you would like to come with me to Port Angeles? We could eat at that restaurant you were talking about."_

_Jessica smiled. "Like a date?"_

_"Yeah. So you'll come?" I asked._

_"Of course! How about four'o clock?" She said, smiling eagerly. _

_"Sure." _

And so here I am.

"Mike, do you want mushroom ravioli or not?" Jessica asked now.

"Uh...sure," I said. Jessica smiled, and told the waitress what we needed. I didn't even know the waitress was there.

We sat in awkward silence.

"So, um...where do you want to go to after we eat?" I asked.

Jessica's eyes brightened. "Maybe we could go to see that new movie..what was it called? The Amityville something... oh yes! _The Amityville Horror_. It's about this family that moves to a haunted house. It's really spooky! Lauren and Tyler saw it, and Tyler told me that Lauren totally fainted when Jodie DeFeo came on screen!"

I didn't know what she was talking about, so I zoned out.

I really wished that idiot Cullen was permanently erased from Bella's memory. And then we could have had a good life... but oh no, the Fates have to mess with my life till they resemble the burnt spaghetti strands that my mom found somewhere in the kitchen.

"Mike, are you listening or not?" Jessica snapped.

I snapped back to Earth. "Um...yes. You were talking about that TV show on Thursday, right?"

Jessica glowered at me. "_No. _As a matter of fact, I was talking about Bella!"

Oh great. Here we go again. It's always "Bella always was such a *" or "I never even liked her!" or some crap like that. Is Jessica a robot or what?

I said nothing. I know I should've apologized to her and said that she was my world or something like that, but something held me back.

Jessica's glower turned into a murderous scowl. "So you were thinking of _her_. So. So."

Seriously? She sounds so much like a parrot. I wanted to dump her there, but Mom's words echoed in my head.

_"...you shouldn't tell a girl that you love her, and then the next moment, tell her that you don't like her anymore, especially when she has become very much in love with you. That's cruel..."_

Damn. It was a dead end now.

At the moment, the waitress approached us with our food and I relaxed. Nothing more soothing than hot, delicious food. Yum.

Still glaring at me, Jessica dug into her food. I looked down. The waitress' name was Amber ( I saw it on the name tag. Duh.) and she smiled at me flirtatiously.

Jessica glared at her and Amber took that as a sign to leave us in peace.

We ate our food in silence. This really wasn't going well.

Jessica had gobbled up her food, and was now watching me like a hawk. How rude.

"So, Lauren told me that her dad got a job in Seattle! She wanted to move to Seattle that moment itself, but her mom told that she had to finish her studies first! How horrible is that, huh?" Jessica gossiped. Had she forgotten her rage at me? Amazing.

Oh goodness me. She's already gossiping. Her mouth is like a ...I don't know. Something that can't keep shut.

I felt sleepy, and I wanted to continue eating my delicious food. But Jess'd probably stab me with the knife and fork if I so much closed an eye for a second.

"...and then her mom said "Lauren, if you don't complete your education, you can end up as a housemaid!"" Jessica babbled.

Uh oh. My eyes are closing now. I pinched myself under the table. Oww.

"Um...Jess, have you finished?" I asked politely. Jess smiled.

I knew she had already finished eating, but I thought it might atleast bottle up some chatter and let my ears heal for a few minutes.

"I'm done. You?" She asked, batting her eyelashes at me. Ew.

"What -oh, yeah. I'm done." I said.

* * *

_Jessica approached me, bluish-purple veins visible under her facial skin. She smiled at me. It wasn't one of those girly smiles she often gave me, but it was a cruel smile. The smile of approaching death. I staggered back. Her normally blue eyes were a cold black color. My eyes widened. _

_Behind her, Bella lay dead on the floor, her eyes blank. Mom...Dad...Tiffany...Tyler...Austin...Angela...Ben...they all lay dead on the forest ground, their blank eyes staring sky-ward. I stifled a horrified scream. _

_Jessica raised the bloodied axe that I hadn't realized she was holding. The axe swung forward, and my blood-curdling scream echoed in the forest ground. _

"Mike! MIKE! Wake up, you idiot!" Someone was shaking me.

My eyes opened, and I breathed in relief. So it was just a dream. The theatre interior seemed like relief to me now.

Jessica's face hovered over me. "Mike? Are you okay?"

I screamed so loudly, that people in front of me turned around at stare.

I stopped, breathing heavily. My eyes were fixed on Jessica, waiting for the bluish veins to show themselves...for her blue eyes to turn black...

Stop, Mike! Stop thinking like a lunatic.

"The movie's over," Jessica said, glowering at me. "You were sleeping most of the time."

Oh! So the dream was just a _dream. _Jessica wasn't gonna turn into a Jodie DeFeo copy. No demons were gonna pull her down into Hell and leave her teddy bear behind on Earth (I don't know if Jess actually owns a teddy).

The people were still staring at me. I stared back pointedly, and the hint worked. They turned back, grumbling about "movie-disturbers" and "idiot boys".

Everyone was leaving the room. Jessica was still beside me, scowling at me.

I got up slowly, when I saw something metallic-red under my seat. Oh no! It was the bloodied axe! I knew Jess was gonna kill me!

**"AAAEEIII!"** I screamed so loudly, it would've put a banshee to shame. Jessica slapped me.

"Shut the hell up, Mike!" She hissed in my ear. "You're embarassing me in public!"

I realized that the metallic-red thing was actually _Jessica's coat _which had fallen under my seat during the movie. She had picked it up now and it was slung across her arm. And there was me, thinking it was an _axe. _Stupid me.

Oh no. I was such a ...such a _girlie._ Ugh.

People were staring at me again. Ugh. Damn.

Resisting the urge to stick my tongue out at them, I slouched forward.

When we were out of the theatre, Jess slapped me again on my cheek.

I held my cheek, surprised and hurt. "What was that for, Jessica?"

"That was for _that_!" she hissed at me.

And then, guess what?

She kissed me.

It wasn't a long smooch.

It wasn't a peck on the kiss either.

It was just a kiss on the lips, which lasted for like, five seconds.

"And that is because I love you." Jess whispered.

I love you too, Jess, I thought.

* * *

**Questions and Answers:-**

**Q1) **_**How did you feel about this chapter?**_

_A: It was very exhausting, and yet, exciting to write. _

**Q2) **_**When will the next chapter be posted?**_

_A: I'm guessing somewhere during next week. _

**Q3) **_**Why the delay in posting chapters?**_

_A: Studies. And studies. And then surprise tests, which I hate, as a matter of fact. _

**Q4) **_**Some people hate these type of chapters. They want to see Mike getting embarrassed do you feel about it?**_

_A: Well, I also want to see Newton get embarrassed. But I wanted to see how Mike was like during the 4 pages left blank by Stephenie. Hence, I wrote it myself. But I promise it won't last long. Heck, I think the next chapter is gonna be of the Cullens' return! YAY! But I could change my mind :(_

_Also, Mike _does _get embarassed in this chapter...[ Hint: the metallic-red bag-as-an-axe thing]_

**Q5)**_**Is this the end of the Mike Gets Pranked saga?**_

_A: No! Of course not! As a matter of fact, I'm planning Lauren, Mike & Jessica to get pranked in the Post-Breaking Dawn chapters. You'll have to be patient, I'm afraid. Renesmee, the La Push wolf pack will also be present...with a little help from Charlie and Carlisle & Esme! ;-) _

_But that is in the not-too-far future. _

**Q6) **_**These chapters are so damn boring. Please write interesting chapters!**_

_A: I'm sorry that they are boring. But if I hurry up with them, they soon start becoming like homework to me. Hence, the long wait. And besides, I really can't wait to write the Post-Breaking Dawn chapters. They're gonna be interesting, I bet. _

**Q7) **_**We sent you loads of interesting ideas for pranking Mike. Why haven't you used them yet?**_

_A: I didn't forget them. They're still in my mind :) _

_Also, they are going to be used in the Post BD chapters. So, please don't hesitate to send me more ideas!_

_A huge thank you to all those who sent me the amazing idea-pranks! THANK YOU!_

**Q8) **_**Who is your editor?**_

_A: I don't have an editor. I edit the chapters myself. _

**Q9) **_**What would you like to tell your reviewers now?**_

_A: I would like to thank them immensely for staying with the chapters and reviewing all through these months...and also, to hold on for the next chapters! :)_

**Q10)**_**Is this chapter the last chapter of the MNPOVotC&BS [Mike Newton's POV of the Cullens and Bella Swan series]?**_

_A: No! NO WAY! I'm gonna write more than 25 chapters, I think. _

**NOTE BY AUTHOR: THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE COMING SOON! PLEASE REVIEW! THANKS FOR THE 201 REVIEWS ! THEY WERE ****AMAZING****! **

**MORE THAN 205 REVIEWS = 1 MORE CHAPTER ;-)**

**BY, **

_**BookFanatic1997**_

_**P.S Check out my Alice story on my profile. It's called "Things Never Change." Thanks for listening to me now!**_

**_I'm sorry if this story wasn't what you expected. _**


	19. Return of the White Washed

**MIKE NEWTON POV OF THE CULLENS AND BELLA SWAN**

**_Disclaimer: I don't own twilight. SM does._**

* * *

**Name**: _The Return of the Cullens'_

**Rating**: (Does it even matter?It's such a waste of time!) K+

**Summary**: The most awaited chapter of all. Edward and Alice return to Forks with Esme, Carlisle, Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper! Watch through Mike's POV!

**Timeline**: New Moon

**Author's note**: Here's the chapter you guys have been pestering me for! :) Hope it's okay... Also, I have decided to put pranks in the next chapter...

* * *

_**CHARACTER POINT OF VIEW: **_Mike Newton

_**SETTING: **_Cafeteria

_**TIME: **_Some time in the morning.

I was sitting at the table, with Lauren, Jess, Angela, Ben, Tyler, Austin...just the usual guys.

"Did you hear that Bella got shipped off to a hospital in L.A?" Lauren was saying. "I bet she finally snapped."

"Someone told me that Bella ran away. Wonder what made her run away?" Jessica asked.

"I don't know. But I still think Bella got admitted to a psychic hospital in L.A," Lauren shrugged. Her fish-like eyes flickered to me for a moment, and then back.

"I wish Cullen never came here," I complained.

Angela and Ben glared at me. Sure, easy for them, since they were close to Bella and _Edward._

Hah. What a ridiculous name.

_Edward_? Sounds like the name of some silly grandpa. Pah.

I heard the cafeteria door open behind me, and I ignored it. It's probably Katie Marshall and Eric. They've been dating for _weeks_.

In front of me, Jessica, Lauren, Tyler, Angela and Ben gasped -Jessica and Lauren in horror, and fury; Tyler in amazement; Angela and Ben in joy and happiness. What a weird combination.

"Guys?" I asked. "Did you see a zombie?"

I winced slightly at the last word. Maybe the person who came through the cafeteria door _was _a zombie...a Bella-look-alike zombie...maybe that Indian guy dumped her...

That thought cheered me up a bit. Yay! Another chance for me to get Bella.

Lauren, Tyler, Ang, Ben, and Jessica shook their heads mutely. Irritated, I turned around to the see the new-comers.

What I saw next, almost made me faint.

Someone was walking between Cullen and his hot sister-Alice. They were striding across with the graces of different animals -Cullen, with the grace of some dangerous predator, and Alice with the grace of a gazelle, or a ...something-very-graceful-and-dangerous-at-the-same-time animal. Whatever. The girl between them was really pretty. She looked a lot like Bella.

But still...Cullen came. He came back. No. Way.

My next thought was : **NO!**

This wasn't happening again. My third chance to get Bella was lost. Noooooo...

Speaking of Bella...where was she?

I scanned the room for here, and found her in front of me. Oh. I realized she was the girl between Cullen and his sister. Damn.

"Hey, Bella," I said listlessly, trying to keep the jealousy out of my voice. It didn't work, because I saw Bella's eyebrows pucker for a sec. And then, Cullen was beside her, his stupid arm around _her _waist.

Alice moved to stand beside her. Jeez. It was like they were bodyguards of Bella. I felt jealous again, and I swear Cullen's stupid grin _widened. _

Everyone was still staring at them. Bella looked uncomfortable, but Cullen and Alice absorbed it like it was oxygen for them. Pah.

Her voice ringing like bells, Alice asked Angela rather than Lauren,: "Can we join in?"

Angela, still thunderstruck, nodded mutely. Alice smiled happily, and pulled out a chair beside Angela. Cullen and Bella also did the same, and made themselves comfortable. I glared at Cullen, visualizing ripping his head off and burning it. And I _swear _Cullen laughed to himself. It's like he can read minds or something...no! that's totally impossible.

I gave him a last glower before digging in my salad. Mmm...it tasted delicious. Yum.

I heard Alice say something about Mrs. Cullen hating L.A and wanting to come back. Whatever. I was in Food Heaven with my salad.

"So...I'm going to class now," Lauren said. "Anyone coming with me?" Her and her fish-nose looked down at me. I scowled at her. What was her problem? Jessica, Tyler and Austin were already behind her. Pah.

"Um...sure," I hesitated. I remembered Cullen was here, and I decided to leave immediately to avoid strangling him.

Cullen started laughing under his breath. I swear that guy is uber-mad. M-A-D.

His laughter turned into slightly hysterical chuckles. Crazy.

Lauren smiled at me, and turned around, nose already hammered into the air with an imaginary nail. Damn. I wished I could spend just _one _minute with Bella and then convince her to date me and that I was better than that white-washed Cullen. I was nearly at the door, when my mind launched into the fantasies of my and Bella's honeymoon. Yum.

Oh. Cullen's watching me like I'm his favorite cheeseburger now. Oh, wait he probably hates cheeseburger...oh, forget it.

But, still, I wanted to get my Bella back. Watch out, Cullen. The great Mike Newton is on his way! And with that, I stalked out of the cafeteria behind the She-Bitch, also known as Lauren Mallory.

* * *

I know it's not that good... but still, review?

I wanted to hurry up with this chapter so that I could continue on with the pranks in next chapters...

More than 210 reviews = 1 more chapter (prank)

Hint for next chapter: Water-guns.


	20. Pranking Again

**MIKE NEWTON'S POV OF THE CULLENS AND BELLA SWAN**

_**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN TWILIGHT. STEPHENIE DOES. **_

* * *

**Chapter: **_Back to Planning Pranks_

**Rating: **K

**Summary: **The Cullens plan on how to prank Mike. :)

**Author's Note: **Please review!

**Credits to: **A huge thank you to _vampsrulewolvesdont _for suggesting the Edward-ranting-about-Mike idea! I didn't even think about this idea until he/she suggested it! Thank you, _vampsrulewolvesdont_!

* * *

_The beginning is the most important part of the work. _

Plato,Greek philosopher[BC 427- BC 347]

**

* * *

**

Character:

Alice Cullen POV

**Setting: **Cullen living room

**Time: **Evening; 3:30PM

**Day: **3 days after Chapter 21

I was checking the catalogue for clothes for Rosalie's new wardrobe when Edward strode in, looking as mad as Rosalie on a bad-hair-day. Yes, I have actually seen Rosalie on a bad hair day, and trust me, you don't want to be in the same house when Rosalie has a bad hair day.

At the moment, I got a vision that showed Edward yelling at Emmett to shut up, and then Emmett retorting back and then Edward pushing him on Esme's new masterpiece. Uh-oh. This wouldn't be good.

_Edward? _I said mentally. Edward didn't respond, but I knew he had heard me. _I think you had better not yell at Emmett. You both are gonna end up wrecking Esme's new table. _

Esme looked up from her magazines, and said: "Hello, Edward. Something seems to be bothering you." Duh. _Something _was indeed bothering our little Eddie, but as according to one of my visions, he wouldn't tell us, until we pestered him hard and high.

"Edward?" I asked. "Care to share your problems with us?"

Edward simply sat down at his piano, and began to play angrily and loudly. Ugh.

I showed him a vision that he really hated, and he froze.

"Ed-waaaard!" I begged.

He glowered at me, and I smirked.

_Oh, fine-ee..._I thought at him. _I just had a super coo-ol vision, and I'm not sharing it with you. _I purposefully showed him the vision I had gotten this morning. The vision, regarding a certain Mike Newton lasted for a fraction of a second before I shoved it out of my mind.

_Oops! _I said, intentionally making my mental voice sound as though I was annoyed at myself for showing Edward an important vision. _I should never have showed that..._

Edward looked up. "What was that, Alice? What was the vision?"

I stuck out my tongue at him. "Not until you tell us about your bad day."

Edward sighed, and glared at me. _You've nailed me _, his eyes seemed to say.I could hear Rosalie shifting around in the garage, and knew she was listening too. In fact, Jasper and Emmett had paused in their game of chess to listen, and Esme looked up from her magazines to listen too. Carlisle was at the hospital so he wasn't here.

"Fine!" He said angrily. "Today I was waiting for Bella at Newton's Outfitters, and then I heard the thoughts of that vile...Newton. The hell with him! As if he hasn't already made my day go bad!"

I smiled smugly. My vision that I had showed him, was already becoming clearer at the moment. Yay! Thank you, Edward!

Edward was still ranting. "...and then Newton walked to her and asked her out again! How I wish I could just _strangle _him..." his rants faded away into mumbles.

I smiled at him. "I have an idea." And with that, I showed him my entire vision.

Edward stopped mid-rant. "Show me that again." He was looking excited.

I replayed my vision, my grin becoming wider. "So have you made up your mind?"

I already knew the answer. _Yes. _

I clapped my hands. "Okay, everyone listen!"

Rosalie snorted in the garage. Emmett and Jasper smirked at each other. Edward didn't say anything. Esme looked interested.

"We're going to do something very exciting tomorrow!" I squealed.

Emmett snickered to himself and muttered: "Over-emotional pixie." Jasper punched him in the shoulder mockingly. Emmett yelled something back at him, but I didn't care what it was.

"Lemme guess, tomorrow is Alice Cullen and Jasper Whitlock Day?" Emmett joked.

I narrowed my eyes at him. Emmett had gotten the message and he decided to shut up. I smiled smugly. Satisfied, I continued: "Okay, so tomorrow, we're going to prank Mike Newton-"

My words were drowned out by Emmett's elated roar.

"BRAVO! BRAVO-OH-BRAVO! I'VE BEEN WAITIN' FOR THIS MOMENT SO LONGGGG-AARGH!" Emmett stopped, when Rosalie punched him really hard on his other arm. Rosalie had flitted into the room without him knowing, and that was something.

"I think I'm getting sick of the word 'bravo', " Edward muttered.

"I agree with you," I told him before continuing my previous words. "We're gonna prank Newton. It could be our last chance, and Bella's too." Edward's face darkened at the mention of Bella's upcoming vampirization or vampire-transformation.

Emmett leaned forward eagerly. Jasper winced slightly at the onslaw of emotions coming from everyone. I felt sorry for him.

"You-Emmett, Jasper, Edward, me, and Rosalie (yes, Rosalie, you also have to join) and Bella are part of the game," I said. I mouthed 'sorry' at Esme, but since she was an adult and not attending school...but maybe she and Carlisle _could _help...hmmm...

At the moment, I was assaulted with a large number of visions. I gripped the piano edge with my fingers to steady myself, and heard the piano material crack. Oops.

"You're paying for the repair," Edward told me darkly.

When I finally got on track with the visions, I opened my eyes. Plan-A was ready.

"Emmett, I need you to go to the store," I told the buff guy. "Ask for water-guns..." I rattled off the list of things we would need for the prank. Emmett was already at the door, ready with credit-card. Way to go, big brother.

"...and don't forget to pay!" I yelled after him, as he exited the house. We heard the sound of one of the Cullen cars zooming out of the garage.

Emmett had thought it very funny to act as if he forgotten his wallet/credit card at the store last time, and I did NOT have time to listen to the cashier's angry complaints again.

Now all that was left was Edward, Rosalie, Jasper, Bella and me.

* * *

**Sorry for the cliff-hanger! I just couldn't resist!**

**Thank you, to every one for your reviews! I love them!**

**So sorry if this chapter wasn't what you expected...**

**but I promise, next chapter will have the Cullens pranking Mike! I kind of forgot to mention this chapter in last chapter's ending note...:(**

**More than 219 reviews [total] = 1 more chapter.**

**Since I got lot of reviews within a few days, I thought I'd present this chapter as a gift :)**

**Yours,**

**BookFanatic1997**


	21. Water Gunning It Down

**MIKE NEWTON'S POV OF THE CULLENS AND BELLA SWAN**

_**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight. **_

**Name:- **_Gunning It Down _

**Rating:- ** K

**Warning: Could result in detention or expulsion if tried in real life. **

**Summary: **Alice, Edward and Bella prank Mike and **Lauren** with water-guns. Yeah, I said _Lauren_. It was kind of a last-minute decision. But she will only come in next chapter.

**Author's Note: **Review? Please? With a pretty please and a cherry on top?

**Timeline: **Between New Moon and Eclipse.

* * *

**Character POV:- **_Bella Swan_

**Time:- **Morning

**Setting:- **Edward's Volvo

"Will anyone ever explain this to me?" I moaned as Alice handed a water-gun to Edward. He told me to hold it, and I took it.

"Patience, Bella," Alice said calmly. "You'll see in no time."

"I hope this doesn't have anything to do with Mike Newton," I said, a bit suspicious.

Beside me, Edward looked slightly nervous. Alice glanced at him. Oho.

"It _does _have to do with Mike, doesn't it?" I said, horrified. That would explain why Edward was often disappearing to the Cullen house.

To _plan_.

"Doesn't she _ever _have a sense of humor?" Alice asked Edward, a look of hopelessness on her face.

I scowled at her. "I'm objecting to this because-"

Alice cut me off. "Oh, yes, I know why. But after all this mess with Victoria, the Volturi and everything that happened the last six months, we thought that we should have some _fun_." Her amber eyes looked at me, daring me to object again.

Stupid psychic pixie fashion-loving girl vampire. Hmph.

"What's my role in this?" I asked cautiously.

"Patience, Bella," Alice sang.

"Ple-ee-ase..." I begged Edward.

Alice hit him on the head from her seat behind me. "Don't you dare, Edward Anthony Cullen!"

Edward sighed, and looked at me apologically. I humphed and turned to the window.

I knew it would be useless to object against Alice Cullen, so I subsided into silence, all the while listening to Alice prattle on and on about whatever this prank was about.

* * *

**Character POV:-** _Alice Cullen_

**Time:-** Morning

**Setting:- **Forks High School parking lot

We got out of Edward's Volvo. I heard Jessica Stanley gossiping to that self-centered fake Lauren Mallory.

I noticed Bella still had the water-gun in her hand. Mine was safely hidden in my bag. I hurried over to Bella as fast as I could at human pace.

"Bella!" I hissed her ear. "Hide the water-gun!"

Bella blinked as if she had just remember it was there, and quickly handed Edward the gun back.

"It's time," I told Edward. He nodded, and put his arm around Bella. They looked so cute, I wanted to take a picture and frame it before hanging it in the Cullen living room. But Bella'd probably protest against it.

I was about to walk forward with lover-boy and his girlfriend, when I got a vision.

_Mike Newton sitting in the class...Edward and Bella snickering among themselves -it was obvious that they were enjoying themselves..._

_._I smiled to myself, and skipped forward. This was going to be a really lovely day.

* * *

**Character POV: **_Edward Cullen_

**Time:** Sometime later

**Setting: **Classroom

I sat beside Bella, in our usual seat. I glanced at Bella, and stopped. She was so beautiful, that it rivaled that of Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of beauty.

I couldn't tear my eyes off her. She turned her eyes to me and when she caught me staring at her, she blushed the most beautiful crimson. I was stunned.

_EDDWAAAAAARD! _

The mental voice of a very annoying pixie vampire pulled me out of my worship of Bella. _Edward, stop drooling over Bella, and get to work! _

Amazing how she can boss us around. I'm sure if it was 1863 and the Civil War was still going on, Jasper wouldn't hesitate to make Alice his commander.

_EDWARD! _Alice's angry voice sounded again in my head. _I swear if you don't start NOW, I'll tell Bella about...!_

She left the sentence incomplete, but I knew what she meant. I cringed visibly. Alice must've seen my reaction for her angry yells turned into guilty apologizations.

I sighed. I took out my gun surreptitiously. That vile Newton was sitting in front of us, so it was a piece of cake.

Alice did the countdown in her head. _Three. Two. One. Now! _

Mr. O'Leary, the teacher called out Mike for something.

Newton got up, and I quickly aimed the water-gun at his head, and pressed. The water sailed in a perfect arc and hit Newton's over-gelled head.

His hand reached up and touched the spot where the water dripped on his head. It was soaking wet.

_Huh? How'd my head get so wet? I don't remember taking a shower now..._His thoughts were confused and unsuspecting.

He quickly rubbed off the water on his head. I quickly aimed the water-gun at his neck, and pressed.

_Eurgh...what the hell is that?_ _I hope Tyler didn't chuck another water-ball at me...nah, he may be a dunce, but he wouldn't stupid enough to try it out in class... _Newton's thoughts were full of surprise.

Mr. O'Leary was asking Newton about some question that Newton got wrong.

"...and I want you to submit the correction before lunchtime," O'Leary was saying to Newton.

Newton wasn't paying attention, since he was still pondering over the wetness at the back of his head. _Hey...did O'Leary say something? I think it was about the correction..._

"Um...you or me should submit the correction?" Newton asked nervously. His pen was pointed to the teacher in his state of confusion.

And at **that **moment, I aimed the water-gun at O'Leary's mouth, not far from where Newton's chewed-up pen was pointing at.

Bella, Alice and I were sitting near the front, so the water had no problem reaching its target.

O'Leary swallowed in surprise. _Did something enter my mouth? I hope it wasn't a bug again, it was hard enough last time that happened..._

"I meant-" O'Leary said, just when I targetted his eyes with the water-gun.

The water hit his eyes squarely, and the teacher jerked back in surprise.

"!" His loud, annoyed exclaimation of surprise was enough to startle the entire class.

"Um...what?" Newton stammered.

I shot a quick look at Bella, just to make sure. She was frowning in confusion.

"What's happening?" She mouthed to me.

I opened my mouth to say, but Alice hurled a thought at me.

_Not now!_

I sighed, and closed my mouth.

"Later, I promise," I mouthed back.

Bella's eyes fell on the water-gun hidden under my desk, and her eyes grew the size of saucers.

She heaved an annoyed sigh, and shook her head at Alice.

Meanwhile, Newton was currently wondering what had made O'Leary so mad.

O'Leary decided to forget about the weird water incident. I shot another line of water at him, this time at his huge nose.

Water squirted over his nose, and O'Leary sneezed.

Newton's pen was still pointed at O'Leary, so the angry teacher pounced on it. Literally.

_I have had enough! First my mouth, then my eyes, then my nose! Aaargh! _

O'Leary then started examining the grubby pen he had snatched from Newton's hand over and over again.

_This pen must be some sort of device with a water storage...I know it's there...it should be there...Where can the water be stored! I can't find it...bad enough when Newton did those stupid stunts last year...farting in class, and an exceptionally loud one! Now, where can the water be kept? Perhaps the refilll...possible...the stunts the children do these days! Punks, the whole lot of 'em...lot better children in my days...atleast I didn't do stupid stunts like taking bath in mango juice in the cafeteria..._

I had to stifle a snicker. Boy, Emmett would certainly have fun with O'Leary.

Bella poked my arm.

"What on Earth is happening!" She hissed. "First you, then Alice!"

I looked behind at Alice. She was clutching her stomach, and giggling madly to herself. She was already getting odd looks from the other children. Unfortunately, I couldn't escape the irritating thoughts.

_That girl, Alicia or whatever her name is, she sure is a nut!_

_Ugh...why did the Cullens' have to come here! We were happier without them before! Parading around like kings and queens...Pah! _

_What the hell does Alice see in that bone-head Jasper Hale anyway? I'm better for her! _

I shut the obnoxious thoughts away, and focused on the teacher and Newton.

* * *

**Character POV: **_Bella Swan_

**Time: **Continuing off from where Edward's POV stopped.

**Setting: **Classroom

It was chaos around me. Technically.

The students were gossiping among themselves. Edward was paying attention to Mr. O'Leary and Mike's thoughts. Alice was laughing to herself. If it were possible, she would be crying now with mirth.

Mr. O'Leary was yelling at Mike about the pen.

Honestly, I had no idea what the problem was about a pen. It was just a pen, for Pete's sake!

Just then, I remembered what I had seen on Edward's lap.

A water-gun.

Oh! I pieced everything together.

Alice babbling about class in the Volvo. Water-guns in both of their bags. Edward, when he thought I wasn't looking, targeting Mr. O'Leary and Mike with the water gun.

Oh. _Oh. _

I ripped out a piece of paper and furiously scribbled on it.

[**Bold **- Bella; _Italic _- Edward; _**Bold Italic **_-Alice]

**You're involved in this, aren't you?**

_Sorry, love. But Alice made me do it. _

_**Hey, I remember VERY well that you LIKED the idea! Don't lie, or you'll regret it!**_

_Dangerous, isn't she?_

**Whatever. But how come you didn't tell me?**

_We wanted it to be a surprise for you. Like a present. _

**Do I need to remind you that I hate presents?**

_**Oh, of course. It's a present that money wasn't spent on, so you can't pull the money card. Ta-da!**_

**What is happening now? **

_Well, Mr. O'Leary-_

_**Guys, in one second Mr. O'Leary will find out that you've been passing notes in class. So unless you want your secret notes being read out aloud in class, you can put it away. Now. Oh, and there will be a little show involving Jessica now!**_

I crumpled the paper and shoved it in my jeans pocket.

Mr. O'Leary had stopped yelling at Mike about throwing water at him. He was now pacing the class, breathing heavily like a rhinoceros. And then he stopped at Jessica's desk, and he snatched something from between Jessica's hands. Looks like I wasn't the only one passing notes in class. Hm.

"Miss Stanley, what is the meaning of this?" He sounded mad.

Jessica was a seat away from me, so I could see she was shaking. She whispered something to him.

"Would you please repeat that?" Mr. O'Leary asked coldly.

"Uh...uh...um,I-I was t-telling Lauren about ..." Jessica's voice lowered dramatically, so I couldn't hear what she said next.

"What's she saying?" I whispered to Edward. He cringed.

"You don't want to know," he whispered back.

I frowned. "That bad?"

"You have no idea," he muttered to me.

"Oh."

Mr. O'Leary watched Jessica for a moment.

"Bella, don't listen," Edward whispered to me, but it was too late.

"Since Miss Stanley cannot say it, I will however say it," Mr. O'Leary announced and florished open the piece of paper. He then began to read.

_"Lauren, don't you think Edward is sooo hawt?_

_Yes, I do know that he is. But how could he fall for that pig Bella? She's a total fail._

_We can still win him over. This time, no mistakes. _

_How about going over to the Cullen house? That way we could show him. _

_Oh, and we could embarrass Bella! That'd show her alright for taking my Edward away. _

_You mean, mine?_

_No, Edward is mine. Besides, you can have either Jasper or Emmett. _

_But they're dating Alice and Rosalie. _

_They won't. Not after we're done with them..."_

I shrank into my seat. Was it possible Lauren and Jessica could be so ...cruel? I didn't want to hear anymore.

Behind me, I heard Alice give out a low angry hiss. Either because Lauren had told Jessica to pick Jasper or Emmett, or because their hurtful words had hurt me. I didn't know. I didn't care.

I'd thought that Lauren and Jessica had decided to back off, maybe Edward and I would actually have some peace. I guess I was wrong.

Edward's hand moved to the hold my hand.

"Don't believe the lies," Edward whispered. "I still love you."

"I know," I whispered back.

* * *

**Character POV: **_Alice Cullen _

**Time: **After the class, in afternoon [lunch-time]

**Setting: **Cafeteria

I sat at my seat, fuming silently. I couldn't believe this. How dare that girl Jessica mess with my visions! Thanks to her, my entire day was ruined. If she hadn't made that super-quick decision to write to that stupid girl Lauren, we wouldn't be sitting at this table looking like miserable people.

Bella was unhappy now, but she put up a strong front. I didn't need Jazz to know that she was feeling unwanted again. Jeez, when would she ever see that Edward was perfect for her and she was perfect for him? She should have seen him in Rio! Without her, he was practically dead. And vice versa.

"So what should we do?" Bella asked.

Edward put his hand on Bella's hand. "Love, you don't have to-"

"Hold up!" I held up my hand. An onslaw of visions were shoving themselves at me. All of them contained several posibilities. And the one final vision presented it to me.

It was crystal clear, so it was set in the future, no doubt.

"Well, I'm certainly not backing down," I declared. "I say we get them back!"

"Me too," Edward said.

Bella hesitated. "I'm in."

I clapped my hands. "Great!"

I showed Edward my visions, and he smiled. Bella waited patiently, till both of us were finished.

"Bella, we're gonna prank Lauren and Jessica!" I squealed excitedly.

* * *

Hey, guys! I know that I haven't updated early, it's only because of my stressful schedule! Oh, and this chapter was really hard to work with too.

Please review?

More than 228 reviews = 1 more chapter.

NOTE: THIS IS **NOT **THE LAST CHAPTER. MORE ARE COMING.

Thank you to my reviewers for reviewing!


	22. Pranking Lauren Mallory

**MIKE NEWTON'S POV OF THE CULLENS AND BELLA SWAN**

_**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight. **_

**Name:- **_Pranking Lauren Mallory_

**Rating:- ** K

**Warning: Could result in detention or expulsion if tried in real life. **

**Summary: **Alice, Edward and Bella prank Mike and **Lauren** with water-guns. Yeah, I said _Lauren_. It was kind of a last-minute decision.

**Author's Note: **Review? Please? With a pretty please and a cherry on top?

**Timeline: **Between New Moon and Eclipse.

* * *

**Character POV: **_Bella Swan_

**Time: **Next-day

**Settings: **Swan residence

I sat at the coffee table in the kitchen, my dog-eared copy of _Wuthering Heights _in front of me. Charlie was at the station. Edward was going to be late today, since he and Alice were going over a few things involving the prank.

I was reading my copy of _Wuthering Heights_. Edward was intrigued by the fact that I had read it over and over since my first time in seventh grade. I'd always found Catherine and Heathcliff fascinating, but he didn't understand why.

There was a gentle knock at the door, and I almost overturned my cup of coffee in my haste to reach the door. Looks like my clumsiness is back. Ugh.

I opened the door breathlessly, and heaved a sigh of relief and contentment at the sight of my Edward standing in front of me.

He smiled at me, and I couldn't help but smile back.

"Good morning, Bella," he greeted me. "Did you sleep well?"

There was an hint of humor in his tone.

"Oh- I slept very well," I played along. Two could play at this game.

He smiled again, and I was in bliss. His happiness was my happiness.

"Hey, Bella!" A chirpy voice came from behind Edward, and Alice's small inky head peeked around him, her elfin features alight with delight.

"Alice?" I asked. "What are you doing here so early?"

"Planning, duh!" She said as a matter-of-factly. "We're to prank Lauren, remember?"

"Oh."

She swept past me into the kitchen.

Edward rolled his eyes, and pulled me gently into the house, shutting the door behind him.

When we entered the kitchen, Alice had already made herself comfortable in her seat. I sat down opposite her, and Edward beside me.

"Since Edward wouldn't unstick himself from you last night," Alice told me, her eyes narrowing slightly at him. "I have to repeat our plans again."

She sighed dramatically and continued. "But since you're Bella, my best-friend, I guess this wait doesn't go to waste."

"Alice, Charlie hasn't ungrounded me yet," I said. "I don't want to end up with a sentence of two more weeks of being grounded because I stepped out of the house to prank Lauren Mallory."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Bella. Who do you think I am? Did you honestly think I would come unprepared?"

"Sorry, Alice. Go on."

"Geez-Bella, you worry too much," Alice complained. "We're pranking Lauren in school, not outside. Charlie can't follow you into class and put you on 24-hour supervision."

I winced at the mental image. I would _die _of embarrassment if Charlie ever did that. "Alice, promise me, don't ever mention that to Charlie."

Alice giggled, and winked at Edward as some secret passed between them.

And then she turned to me. "Okay, so here's what we'll do..."

* * *

**Character point of view: **_Alice Cullen_

**Time: **Sometime later

**Setting: **Outside classroom, in Forks High School

I had come early to school, so that we could carry out the prank without being caught. Nobody was around this early. Luck for me.

I squatted down, and took out the tiny device. It was so tiny that it couldn't be spotted, unless you stared hard at it.

I removed the protective casing off the device and stuck it under the desk of Lauren Mallory.

I saw many gross things under the desk when I had to stick the device under the desk. Trust me, you definitely don't want to see them unless you want to barf wherever you're sitting. I shuddered, glad that I didn't have any human food in my stomach.

At the moment, a bright, clear-as-day vision popped up and I smiled. This prank was going smoothly like the texture of brand-new heels! Yay!

I got up, picked up my bag and slipped out of the room. Edward and Bella were waiting for me there.

"How'd it go?" Bella asked me, trying not to smile.

"Perfect!" I chirped. I tried not to think about the other part of the prank -Lauren's textbook. Edward looked at me oddly when I started reciting the verses of _Barbie Girl_ by Aqua.

Edward, Bella and I walked to the parking lot where most of the Forks High students would hang out before class started, and I didn't want to raise suspicion among them because Lauren Mallory had been embarrassed in Spanish, and Alice Cullen was seen inside of the school early morning before class.

The bell rang after fifteen minutes, and the Forks High students herded together like a cattle of cows.

When we were walking to Spanish, I couldn't help but grin at the upcoming drama. Oh, this was _so _fun. If we didn't have to constantly NOT attract attention to ourselves, I would definitely do this more often. Emmett would agree with me.

"Are you sure you didn't see yourself blowing up because you grinned too much?" Bella teased me. I rolled my eyes.

Edward smiled when Bella wasn't looking. It was obvious that he was glad that our friendship was renewed.

Mrs. Goff was already there, but she wasn't bothered by the fact that we were late. I guess it's because Edward and I knew more Spanish than she did.

We sat into our seats, and I looked at Lauren Mallory, sitting diagonally from me. She didn't look suspicious, and I was grateful for that.

Just then, I had another onslaw of visions -most of them were trivial things, like Mrs. Goff deciding to go shopping in the evening, Tyler Crowley deciding to ask out Susie Summers, Katie Marshall deciding to break up with Austin Fairbanks and go out with Eric Yorkie et cetera. Boring.

I blinked and tried to focus on the current situation.

Mrs. Goff was babbling about something in Spanish, but I wasn't listening. Ugh, when would Lauren Mallory do it! This was a total killer class.

* * *

**Character Point of View: **_Edward Cullen_

**Time: **Continuing off from where Alice's POV stopped

**Setting: **Spanish classroom

The class was getting boring. Couldn't Mrs. Goff just stop yammering about Spanish verbs and pronouns? From the thoughts I was getting from others, it was obvious that most of the students (except for Bella, Alice and I) were half-asleep.

_I wonder whether my hair is okay? _The nasal-sounding thoughts of Lauren Mallory (the girl who hated Bella, Alice and Rosalie) pierced the barrier I had set up in my head. _Damn, why can't Goff just get on with it and give us the test? Oh my, that blouse is totally screwed-up ugly!_

I looked at Lauren, and saw that she was leaning in to whisper to her partner, Jessica Stanley.

"Can you believe Goff is wearing that super-ugly blouse? It looks like its from the 1970s!" She whispered to Jessica.

Unfortunately for her, her tiny whisper became magnified three times and it echoed around the room.

Mrs. Goff looked hurt and annoyed. "Lauren Mallory! What is the meaning of this!"

"I-I'm so sorry, Mrs. Goff! I didn't mean it!"The latter looked mortified. _Ugh, I must have spoken too loud! How totally em-bah-raz-ing! _

Fifteen minutes passed before Lauren struck again.

"Jess, can you believe that I saw Tyler licking his nose! That's totally ew!" She whispered to the curly-haired gossiper beside her.

Again, the whisper tranformed into a loud shout. Man, Emmett _would _love this. Too bad I didn't have a video camera with me now.

I heard Tyler's thoughts. _Oh, man -I knew I should have shut the bathroom door! Great, she'll be spreading it through the school. And before nighttime, the entire town will know. Grreee-at!_

Beside me, Bella was snickering into her hands. The sight of her in utter mirth and delight was bliss to me.

Mrs. Goff was glaring at the red-faced Lauren and Jessica. "Now-"

"Ugh, I really hate Mrs. Goff," Lauren muttered to Jessica. "Damn, my ponytail's too tight! I spent, like, half-an-hour on it!"

"Ms Mallory, when you've finished telling Ms Stanley about your hair and your hate for me, can we at least continue this class?" Mrs. Goff's angry shriek reached the two girls. _What is wrong with this class! This is a loony-bin!_

Lauren looked like a deer caught in the headlights as she tried to stammer out her explanation. _How come my voice is so loud? I don't remember raising it! Ugh, I'm going nuts!_

Mrs. Goff lectured Lauren about talking in the class. Meanwhile, I was curious to hear what the other children were thinking. So I let down the mind-barriers, and the chaotic thoughts surged forward.

_Jeez, Lauren really has to practice lowering her voice!..._

_Are Mallory and Stanley back in second grade! They were so loud, like a pair of overtalkative parakeets!..._

_Ugh, my head hurts...hope Senora Goff lets us off...last time it didn't go well enough..._

_Hmm...maybe Lauren and Jess are doing it on purpose...to waste time?...Woah, that's such a great idea! Maybe Mark and I could try it on Mr. Banner..._

_What do Lauren and Jessica think they are -a pair of sopranos? Man, they __**really **__are lunatics._

_...stinks like brussel sprouts! Doesn't Mike ever take a shower? Or has he ever heard of one?_

_I hope Joshua and Isaac don't create trouble at home..._

_Pink. Pink. That's what I want for my new room. Bright, bubble-gum pink. Like Nymphadora Tonks' hair. _

_Which guy should I choose -Austin or Nick? Austin's kinda cute, but Nick has more brains..._

_Oh my god, I can't wait to tell Katie and Marci about Lauren talking in class. This is priceless!_

_What will the Gossip Duo do next? Hippie-dance on Mrs. Goff's head? Snog Mr. Greene in a storage room? Ew... and Lauren, that's definitely GROSS! _

_No way I'm missing this! I wonder how Lauren's voice is so loud...perhaps a case of taorhtapin? Dad said they can cause your throat to get problems..._

I pulled up the barriers, and the thoughts dimmed slightly. I glanced at Bella, and found out that her eyes were fixed on me. Just then, a beautiful crimson grew across her cheeks. She was blushing. An extermely adorable blush.

My hand traced the outline of her cheeks. She was mine. The thought filled me with joy and happiness. She was mine, I thought.

_Ugh, I'm feeling really sleepy,_ Lauren thought moodily. _This Spanish class totally sucks. _

She unsuccessfully stifled an huge yawn. The sound of the yawn echoed in the room, and it was one entire moment, before the whole class exploded in laughter.

"That was one helluva of a yawn!" Tyler Crowley hooted before succumbing to another bout of laughter.

_Hey, Edward! _Jasper's mental voice called out to me cheerily. I started in surprise and looked around. And I saw it through Jasper's eyes -the huge tree near the Spanish classroom. I looked out the window beside me, and there Jasper was, grinning like the Cheshire cat, on one of the branches of the tree closest to the classroom.

"Impressive." I muttered, so lowly that no human ears picked up what I said.

_Thanks, bro, _Jasper thought. _Alice planned this. _

Oh, so she did it, huh? That would explain why she kept chanting the words of every single song ever played by Aqua, and then after she was done with all songs, translating them into Chinese. I was beginning to wonder if it was possible for vampires to become insane too.

"Where's Emmett?" I asked Jasper in the same low voice. Bella glanced at me curiously.

I jerked my head at the window. She looked there, and her eyes widened in surprise.

"Alice?" She mouthed at me. I nodded, and a grudging look of respect for her best-friend appeared on her beautiful face.

_Emmett's out hunting, _Jasper told me mentally after Bella and I stopped conversing silently. _Rosalie and Esme went with him. About time too, since he's been cranky this week. Rosalie was ready to whack him over the head if he dared to yell at the TV again just because one of the humans was stupid enough to trip over another human in the arena. _

I shook my head. Honestly. I looked over my shoulder, to where Alice was sitting behind us.

She gave me a grin that displayed all of her pearly-white teeth.

_How do you like it, huh? _She asked me in her thoughts.

I made a decision to tell her that I liked the prank very much, and she got the vision.

_Thank you, Edward, _she thought. _But now, let Jasper do his work._

She had obviously sent a signal to her husband through emotions, because Jasper focused his power on Lauren Mallory.

"Now, class -please open your textbooks," Mrs. Goff commanded. "Turn to page seventy-three."

Everyone did as she ordered us to, including Lauren Mallory.

And then Lauren sneezed, but the sneeze was three times louder. So loud, the girl in front of Lauren jumped in fright.

And then she sneezed over and over, till the count was over seven.

Most of the class found it hilarious and were laughing. The only people who weren't laughing were Lauren and the teacher, Mrs. Goff who apparently didn't find it hilarious.

"Ms Mallory, are you done?" Mrs. Goff asked, annoyed. "Or do we have to wait for more?"

"I-I can't stop!" Lauren wailed, sneezing repeatedly. "A-a-choo!"

I made up my mind to ask Alice at lunchtime, how she managed to make Lauren sneeze.

_Here, _Alice thought. And then I was seeing her memories. Alice opening Lauren Mallory's locker. Taking out her Spanish textbook. Sprinkling the fine sneezing powder into the pages that Mrs. Goff would be teaching today. Asking Jasper to manipulate Lauren's feelings, especially when she sneezed [agitated feeling] and when she yawned [sleepy feeling].

And then, I snapped back into reality.

_Don't worry, _Alice reassured me. _The sneezing effect wears off after twenty minutes. _

"May I-_achoo!_-be ex-_achoo!_-cused?" Lauren asked while sneezing. "Need to-_achoo!_-go to- _achoo!_-nurse's office."

Mrs. Goff sniffed delicately, and gave her permission. She couldn't be less pleased that her least favorite student had to leave her class.

Twenty minutes later, Lauren was back, red-faced.

_How did the sneezing stop so suddenly! It's not possible! _Her thoughts were enraged.

Mrs. Goff's pleasure at having the girl leave her class, disappeared.

_How...what...oh no, not one of those horrible pranks!_Her thoughts were also enraged, but I got the wrong idea. What if Goff knew that Alice was behind all of this?

_Calm down, Edward, _Alice assured me in her thoughts. _It's not what you think. _

"Lauren Mallory! Are you trying to trick me!" Goff yelled at the blond girl.

Bella's mouth twitched as she tried to hide a smile.

"No, I wasn't!" Lauren replied boldly. This made Goff angrier. She yelled at Lauren in Spanish for 'pranking' her. After being humiliated thoroughly by the mad Spanish teacher, she was told to go to her seat.

Lauren didn't look at Tyler or Jessica when she sank into her seat.

It was nearly ten minutes, after Jasper struck again. Lauren began to cry as the misery Jasper made her feel, overtook her.

"Ms Mallory?" Mrs. Goff was bewildered. _Why is the girl crying now? Was I too hard on her?_

"No...no..." Lauren wailed as tears streamed down her nose and cheeks. Her wails got magnified by the tiny device under her desk, and it sounded more like screaming.

The thoughts of other children were a bit funny.

_What the hell? Is she crazy now?_

_Man, she does look a bit silly! Tears and red nose don't look nice together. _

_I wonder if those weird mood swings are due to that time women have during each month...I'd known it was a bad time, but really this much? Wow, it must be terrible, if you start crying in Spanish class!_

_Damn it, why won't Mallory just stop crying like a baby? She looks horrid and she also sounds bad too! _

And then, Lauren's tears stopped suddenly when Jasper withdrew his power from her.

"Finished?" Mrs. Goff asked coldly. "Or is there more?"

Embarrassed, Lauren shook her head. And then she sniffed. Only problem was, her sniffs got magnified, and it sounded more like a dying vacuum cleaner pulling in empty air.

"Now, with NO interruptions from you Ms Mallory, please read the seventh chapter in your textbook." Mrs. Goff placed her most menacing look on Lauren.

When the bell rang, everyone took their things and the moment they were out the classroom door, they started gossiping excitedly about the Lauren Mallory incident as they would later call it.

When Bella, Alice and I were reaching the door, I heard a few thoughts from the weary Spanish teacher.

_I think I'll just take the rest of the day off. This class is the worst class I have ever taught. The only perfect students in this class are Edward and Alice Cullen. _

Oh, the irony. How wrong she was!

"Oh, just in case you need to know," Alice stated casually after sometime. "Jasper videotaped the entire incident, so Emmett can see what happened after all."

* * *

**Author's Note: **_The word 'taorhtapin' was invented by me. Now, anyone who can guess what word 'taorhtapin' was formed from? Eg: Primrose = soremirp i.e the word is jumbled into another word. _

Review PLEASE!

240 reviews = 1 more chapter.

Thank you to everyone who reviewed!

_**Hint for next chapter = Jessica Stanley and mooses :) **_

P.S I hope the pranks in this chapter aren't cruel.


	23. Jessica and the Moose I

**MIKE NEWTON, THE KING OF EMBARRASSMENT**

_**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight. **_

**Name:- **Jessica and the Moose Part-I

**Rating:- ** K

**Warning: Could result in detention or expulsion if tried in real life. **

**Summary: **The Cullens prank Jessica. Part-I.

**Timeline: **Between New Moon and Eclipse.

**Author's Note: **Read on! And then, review please. Please.

* * *

**Character Point Of View: **_Rosalie Hale _

**Time: **The next day; early-morning [6:00 AM]

**Setting: **Cullen dining room [A.K.A Cullen conference room]

I sat stiffly at the dining table. Why did I have to waste time like this? Right now, I could be installing a new engine in Emmett's Jeep or re-painting my nails. I don't think the sapphire-blue nail polish goes well with my silvery-grey dress. Clashes too much, I think.

"Babe, just give it a try," Emmett pleaded.

I made the mistake of looking into his eyes. It probably wouldn't hurt to listen to what Alice and Jasper wanted to say...

I heard Carlisle and Esme stroll into the room. I blinked, and dragged my eyes away from Emmett's hypnotic ones. Note to self -never ever look into Emmett's eyes unless it's nighttime.

"Are Alice and Jasper here yet?" Esme asked me.

"Nah." I shook my head. It was totally like Alice to keep the suspense. Make us wait, then let us practically combust with suspense and anticipation. And then strut in, smiling like the Cheshire cat. Sure, I like the pixie, but she can be a little trying at times.

"Edward?" Carlisle asked.

Even though we all knew the answer, Emmett replied: "At Bella's."

Ugh, I really wish he wouldn't say the human's name. It was so...irritating. I know, I know -I should be making an effort to like her. But it's really hard for me, since she _wants _to become one of the eternally damned. When it's a decade later, she'll realize the side effects of being a vampire. Frozen forever at eighteen? Sure, a woman's dreamiest dream. But frozen enough that you can't even have babies? Not a woman's dream. Frozen enough that you can't even savor the sight of your unborn newborn grandchildren? No, not a woman's dream. I could spend all afternoon listing the disadvantages of being a vampire. The unbearable thirst. The inability to go out in sunlight. The sight of your skin sparkling like something unhuman. Yeah, I certainly could go on.

The sound of Alice's light footsteps and Jasper's trumping footsteps jerked me out of my reverie. At last. Seriously, how much time did it take for them to run at vampire speed from Edward's girlfriend's house to our house?

"Where's Edward?" Jasper asked, when he and Alice were seated.

"He's..." Alice stared off into space. She was in a vision. And then she grimaced. "Doing some _business _with Bella. Ugh."

"Oh." Carlisle, Esme and Jasper looked embarrassed. Only Emmett was laughing.

"Jeez, Emmett," I complained. "Why can't you just stop laughing at every thing the pathetic human does? It's stupid and unnecessary."

"Babe, don't you get it?" He asked me, chuckling hysterically. "Our little hundred-and-five-year old virgin Eddie is finally getting some!"

Alice snorted. "Emmett, don't be silly. You know, Edward would never ever do anything like that. And besides, what I saw this morning was only a little drip of what we do at night."

"Whatever!" Emmett said, snickering. "But still, it's hilarious."

"I don't see the joke anyway." I said coldly. Edward was only putting his human in _more _danger by this! It would take just one mistake, _just one mistake_, and -bang! The human's dead, and we're all doomed back to Alaska. Yeah, definitely not good.

"Hey, Jazz and I came here to tell you about our plans," Alice snapped, her bubbly personality gone. "We didn't come to bicker and quarrel like wolves."

There was an uncomfortable silence in the room. Alice's mention of the wolves had done it.

Ever since we came back to Forks, the problem of the werewolf pack from La Push still loomed over the horizon. Nearly two weeks after we came back, Edward came home looking like Emmett wrecked his beloved Aston Martin again. In simpler words, he looked _mad. _And then he'd told us about the visit by Bella's puppy friend -what was his name? Jarvis? Jacob? Yeah, that one. Anyway, the pup called Jacob 'warned' Bella and Edward about the treaty conditions [that is, if we dared to make Bella into a vampire the pack would attack, et cetera] which simply didn't do anything, but make us even more uneasier. Oh, and the other two threats -the Volturi and that stupid woman, Victoria- still hung over our heads.

"So...uhm...what are your plans?" Esme attempted to break the silence. It worked, in a still-uneasy way.

"Oh, I have so much to tell you!" Alice squealed -her bubbly personality was back.

"I'm sure you do." I muttered boredly. Seriously, I was dying [Hey, that's only a figure of speech!] of boredom in this forsaken town.

Jasper glared at me. I ignored it.

"Okay, so Carlisle, Jasper, Emmett, Edward, and I are going to take part in this prank," Alice started. "Rosalie, I saw in a vision that you wouldn't come anyway, and Esme has to go to Seattle at the time to buy a new sofa because Emmett and Jasper destroyed it after their last wrestling match. Bella'll be the captivated audience."

I snorted [Yeah, I _wasn't _going to come anyway, what with Bella being there 'n' all] and I saw Esme sigh in relief. She was glad not to be part of these pranks. I guess it's because she loves the humans, and hates to see them get hurt or frightened. Whatever.

"Hurry up, pixie!" Emmett complained. "I want to hear the main part! Man, you _really _are evil, just as Jasper said!"

Jasper looked mortified. "Alice, I swear I didn't-"

Alice mock-glared at him. "Oh, I'm so _hurt_! Jasper Whitlock Hale, did you actually call me 'evil'?"

"No, no, no-" Jasper said, panicking. Obviously, he was afraid of the omnipresent Alice Cullen's wrath.

Alice picked a fashion magazine of mine that had just come from Tokyo, Japan today itself. She balled the Japanese magazine into a roll and hit both Jasper and Emmett directly on the heads with it. Ugh, I hoped the magazine wasn't damaged -I didn't even get to read it yet!

"Ow!" Emmett pretended to be hurt. "Man, there's gonna be a whopper of a bruise tomorrow!"

"Dude." Jasper shook his head. "That's so unoriginal. You used those words in 1978 and 1999."

"Stop it!" Alice looked angry. And then she softened. "Okay -Carlisle, Jessica will come today to the hospital with an injured wrist. It'll need six stitches anyway. You should..."

* * *

**Character Point of View: **_Jessica Stanley_

**Time: **Afternoon, same day

**Setting: **Forks General Hospital*

Scowling, I waited in the corridor outside the doctor's room.

How could I have been so utterly careless with the knife?

It wasn't my fault the pumpkin I was cutting was hard as rock, and because of that, my knife slipped off the cursed pumpkin's ultra-hard hide, and right on my wrist. I'd had to deal with a hysterical mother who completely thought I'd just stabbed my heart with the knife instead of my wrist, a dysfunctional car, a screaming cat called Cat, a totally crazy neighbor, and about five phone calls from Lauren about whoever dumped her this time. And right now, I was stuck in a deserted hospital corridor, waiting outside the room of some nutty doctor. The doctor probably had slicked-back hair like Dracula, a poker-stick of a moustache and ridiculous, pig-like eyes.

A crabby-looking nurse came out, holding a file. Finally. I thought it would be the year 2034 before the nurse called me in.

"Jessica Stanley," she called out. Here, here-the girl who loves to backstab her friends, and gossip about what numbskull did what numbskulled thing in this stupid water-cage of a town, and who hopes that both Edward Cullen and Mike Newton would marry her though she preferred Edward Cullen. "Dr. Cullen will be seeing you shortly."

Wait -wha...

Did I hear that right?

Dr. Cullen. As in Carlisle Cullen, the adopted daddy of the perfect Cullen family that strutted about like peacocks and chucked away millions of money like they were mere peanuts? As in Carlisle Cullen, the most efficient doctor in the entire of North America, the doctor that most hospitals would sacrifice for?

"Well?" Mrs. Crabby Nurse asked me. "Are you coming in?"

"Uhm...yeah, I'm coming!" I replied nervously. What if my hair wasn't good enough? What if Dr. Cullen thought I looked like a turkey-pig hybrid wearing clothes and a wig? Ugh, that would be totally embarrassing.

I scrabbled on the spot, searching frantically for my purse. Damn, where was it? And then I spotted my purse right in the middle of where I'd been sitting a minute ago.

Mortified, I looked around for any witnesses. An old guy with a single hair dangling on his huge forehead was watching me with beady eyes. When my eyes met his, he let out a ginormous guffaw.

I could guess what he was thinking though. _'What is that curly haired girl doing? Sitting on her own purse? Oh my, she really is a cracked nut.'_

I flushed bright Vermilion-red and grabbed my crumpled purse. Embarrassing...embarrassing!

Mrs Crabby Nurse sighed in relief, probably because she was grateful that she didn't have to lug about my ass because I turned out to be mentally retarded.

The crabby-looking nurse led me to the Room of Could-Be Embarrassment. I sat down on the stretcher in the middle of the room.

"Dr. Cullen will be with you shortly." She stated and exited the room.

A second passed before Dr. Cullen appeared.

The moment I locked my eyes onto his face, I think a part of me died of bliss.

His perfectly angled face...the golden locks of hair swept back in a totally hot hairstyle...golden eyes smouldering like warm flames [what is with the Cullens' and their weird eyes?]...his lovely lips..

Oh, do me a favour. Forget that I ever said anything about the doctor having slicked-back hair, a pokerstick of a moustache and pig eyes. Forget it all.

"Ms. Stanley?" Dr. Cullen spoke to me, jerking me out of my reverie. His voice was like music to me. His ice-cold hands were holding my injured hand. Why are the Cullens' hands so _cold_? Do they live in refrigerators or what?

"Uhm, yes?" I said in a not-very musical voice. Damn, all Cullen women were so _lucky! _It wasn't fair at all. They got the beauty, money, and even hot guys. That was like tipping the balance of equality in my eyes.

"You'll need stitches." He stated.

"Uh, um, okay..." I could only stutter.

He took out a shiny, sharp needle.

"Ick." I gulped.

I'll share a secret with you- I hate needles. I guess that's the only thing that I have that is almost common with that klutz Bella Swan. Shh, don't tell her. The only way I managed not to bolt from the Biology room that day we were doing blood-typing, was because I kept thinking of how Edward Cullen and I would look like on our wedding-day. And we all know that there is a 0% chance that it'll ever happen.

"Hmm, you hate needles, am I correct?" Dr. Cullen said thoughtfully. Looks like my secret wasn't as discreet as I hoped. Well, atleast it was the super-hot doctor who knew, not Lauren. "Well, here's a way to forget your fears."

Anything you say...anything you say...anything you say...

"Think of something happy." He told me.

Huh?

Before I could say anything, Dr. Cullen's phone rang.

He took out the phone and answered the phone call.

"Who...oh, it's you, Alice," Dr. Cullen said into the phone. "Huh? What happened?"

Alice? What was Alice doing on the phone? Oh right, she was _his _adopted daughter. I felt jealous. _She _could get anything. Clothes, money, looks, a hot guy, everything.

"What do you mean a rabid moose escaped? Alice, are you _sure_?" Dr. Cullen's voice turned panicked. "How could the officials have been so careless?"

Huh? A _moose _escaped. Oh God, Oh God! I hate moose! They look like brown demons with their horrid devil antlers and ugly brown coats! Ugh!

Alice had obviously said something because Dr. Cullen snorted.

"Right," He said sarcastically. "I had no idea that...uh, a moose could escape because it had the ability to run at high speed and the ability to push things out of its way!"

My ears perked up. What was happening?

"Oh. That's really horrible news," Dr. Cullen spoke to the phone. He stopped. And then he spoke again. "What if Esme finds that the moose has escaped to our backyard?"

A moment passed as Dr. Cullen nodded to whatever Alice was telling him. He looked serious.

I didn't understand what was happening. What was the problem about the moose? Ugh, this was totally confusing!

"Well, thank you, Alice for telling me this," he said sincerely. "Tell Emmett, Rosalie, Edward, Bella, Jasper and Esme to be careful. I'll come home after sometime. Right now, I have a patient."

And with that he shut off his phone and put it back in his pocket.

"What happened there?" I asked curiously.

Dr. Cullen sighed wearily.

"A rabid moose escaped from the national park," he said worriedly. "It is...well...it's kind of larger than other moose. And right now, it's on the loose in Forks. I hope it won't attack anybody again."

I noticed he said the word 'again'.

"Who got attacked?" I asked. I hope it's Bella...but Dr. Cullen told Alice to tell Bella to be careful...so that probably meant Bella was safe at Chief Swan's house.

"Oh, a forest official." Dr. Cullen said.

"Oh." I hoped the moose wouldn't come in our house.

Dr. Cullen stitched my wrist up, and he let me go. I thanked him politely, and went out of the hospital.

_I really hope the moose doesn't come near me_, I thought as I slid into my stupid, dysfunctional car.

* * *

**Character Point of View: **_Carlisle Cullen_

**Time: **Same time [It's Carlisle's POV of the time when it was Jessica's POV, i.e Carlisle's POV of the hospital scene]

**Setting: **Forks General Hospital

I strolled into my office, passing Nurse Walker on the way. She batted her eyelashes at me and shot a flirtateous smile at me. When would people ever see that I was _already _married to the most beautiful woman in the world?. Even though an estimate of 90 years had passed, I still couldn't help but admire my Esme's beauty. I felt worthy whenever she smiled at me.

Jessica Stanley was sitting on the stretcher in the middle of the room. I smelt dried blood in the air. Alice had told me that the Stanley girl would come to me with a cut wrist, and that I would have to put my acting skills to use.

I saw her staring at me and I sighed. My beauty was a tool used by my kind. My kind would lure the unsuspecting humans away and then when they were alone, kill them.

I picked her wrist and checked the damage. It was indeed cut up and from what I could smell, by a knife, though the cut wasn't too deep. But still, it would need stitches.

"Ms. Stanley?" I asked her politely. Her eyes were glazed over, like she was physically present but mentally very far away.

"Uhm, yes?" She stuttered. Her heartbeat skipped unsteadily. I hoped she wouldn't faint.

I told her she would need stitches.

"Uh, um, okay..." She was still staring at me.

When I took out the needle, her heartbeat increased. Hmm. So she was afraid of needles, was she?

"Ick." She gulped in fright.

"Hmm...you hate needles, am I correct?" I asked her though I knew the answer already. Better be safe rather than sorry. "Well, here's a way to forget your fears."

Jessica's eyes glazed over again. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

"Think of something happy." I told her. It always worked.

And then Alice decided to start the prank by calling me through her cellphone. The point was to arouse Jessica's curiousity enough to make her ask what the problem was.

"Who...oh, it's you, Alice." I said.

"Excellent acting, Carlisle! Keep it up, Jessica is listening." Alice said.

"Huh? What happened?" I asked.

"Now, ask about the 'rabid moose'." Alice prompted me.

"What do you mean a rabid moose escaped? Alice, are you _sure_?" I added panic to my voice. "How could the officials have been so careless?"

"You're right, the officials were careless," Emmett's booming voice reached the phone. "They let two bears, a mountain lion, six elks and a cougar escape unnoticed." He was referring to our rather lengthy hunt last week.

I heard somebody slap him.

In front of me, Jessica's heartbeat sped up.

Emmett's bear-like laugh floated through the phone. Of course he would find it funny that I was the one to convey the 'terrible' news.

"Wow, you're scaring Jessica! Don't overdo it though. I saw her faint in one of my visions." Alice warned me. I decided not to add the horrified gasp in my next line.

"Woah, _Carlisle _is scaring a human? Jasper, we should celebrate!" Emmett's excited voice boomed again, and I heard him say "Dude! I was joking!" when I somebody slapped him again.

"Well? Whatcha think?" Emmett asked me. I wondered where Alice had gone.

"Right.I had no idea that..." I balked. I had almost said the wrong words! "Uh, a moose could escape because it had the ability to run at high speed and the ability to push things out of its way!" Sounds like a moose I know. I'll give you a hint -he's Rosalie's husband.

"Oh, Carlisle -Esme says she can't come for the hunt tonight," Alice said, back from wherever she had disappeared to. "She says she'll come tomorrow though."

"Oh. That's really horrible news," I said. Wrong words, wrong words! Why did Alice keep distracting me? Mental face-to-palm. I backpedalled. "What if Esme finds that the moose has escaped to our backyard?"

"Gree-at, Carlisle," Alice said sarcastically. "You're confusing Jessica! You should act like you totally understand what I'm 'telling' you about the 'rabid moose', okay? And then, Jessica will ask you what happened. Just say it plain and plain -a 'rabid moose' escaped from the national park. It's on the loose. Very dangerous. Very scary-ish. It can murder you with a jab of its antlers. Okay?"

"Mhm." I nodded, trying my best to look 'understanding'.

"Okay, now convey the news!" Alice's voice sang.

"Well, thank you, Alice for telling me this," I told her gratefully. And I added another sentence for good measure. "Tell Emmett, Rosalie, Edward, Bella, Jasper and Esme to be careful. I'll come home after sometime. Right now, I have a patient."

"Good luck!" Alice muttered before she ended the call. I shut my phone and put it into my pocket.

"What happened there?" Jessica asked.

I sighed, adding a 'weary' tone to it for another good measure.

"A rabid moose escaped from the national park," I said in my best 'worried' voice. "It is...well...it's kind of larger than other moose. And right now, it's on the loose in Forks. I hope it won't attack anybody again." I emphasized the word 'again'.

Jessica noticed my emphasization. "Who got attacked?"

"Oh, a forest official." I fibbed.

"Oh."

After I finished stitching up her wound, she thanked me and left the hospital. I heard her drive out in her car.

_Thank goodness this is over, _I thought.

* * *

**A/N: Please do review. Please? **

_**ANSWER TO 'TAORHTAPIN': **_Throat pain!

Congratulations to those who got the answer correct!

I divided Chapter 25 into 2 parts because it was too long. Chapter 25 Part II will come after sometime.


	24. Jessica and the Moose II

**MIKE NEWTON, THE KING OF EMBARRASSMENT**

_**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight.**_

**Name: -** Jessica and the Moose Part-II

**Rating: - **K

**Summary: -** Why is Jessica so scared of moose lurking in her backyard? And why are the Cullens, of all the people found in her backyard?

**Timeline: -** Between New Moon and Eclipse.

_**Many thanks to **__liesygirl __**for pointing out the flaws in my fanfic! Your help is appreciated!**_

_**

* * *

**_

**Character Point of View: **_ Jessica Stanley_

**Time: **Continuing off from last chapter

**Setting: **Stanley residence

I parked my car in the garage and got out. Mom was standing at the door, waiting for me. Her eyes were rimmed with red –evidence that she'd been crying again. Geez, she was so paranoid. It was just a damn cut. Not a bloody vivisection!

"Oh, Jess!" Mom let out a wail and surged forward to hug me. "How are you? Did the doctor help? What did they do?"

"Whoa, whoa, mom. Calm down...calm down." I tried to reassure her as she babbled on about crying and worrying blah blah blah.

"Uh, mom...I have some bad news." I told her nervously. What if she got the wrong idea?

"What's it, hon?" She said, sniffing.

"I-I...well...I..." I stuttered. How could I explain this to her without looking like some stupid five year old in a seventeen year old girl's body?

Mom looked suspicious, before the realization sank in for her.

"You're not pregnant, are you!"She exploded, taking me by surprise.

"_What! _No, it's nothing of that sort!" I protested indignantly.

She calmed down, but still looked a bit suspicious. See? What did I tell you about my mom over-reacting over the simplest things?

"I meant I heard some bad news at the hospital." I said slowly, hoping she would understand.

She nodded, and prompted me forward.

"Uh...you know him, right?" I jabbered. "Anyway he told me that he heard that a rabid moose escaped from the park, and that it was on the loose, and it is very dangerous and it is rabid."

Mom frowned. "I didn't hear that correctly."

I sighed. "Dr. Cullen told me that he heard some rumor that a rabid moose escaped from the park."

Mom snorted.

"Mom, don't you believe me?" I asked desperately.

"Well..." She hesitated. And then I knew the answer. She didn't believe me. I resisted the urge to cry.

Why were parents so unsupportive these days? Didn't they ever listen or believe us anymore? Why couldn't they stop with their 'jobs'-if you call sitting at a desk all 12 hours a 'job'- and just take their children out to a beach, where they could have some _quality _time?

It wasn't fair.

"Sweetie, I...that story sounds very plausible, but...uh, it could be a prank." She said nervously, fingering her rhinestone necklace.

"Mo-om," I moaned, drawing out the word 'Mom'. "Please do believe me. _Dr. Cullen _told me. Why would your crush lie to your daughter?"

Mom's face turned bright red. The question was clear on her face: _How did you know about my secret crush?_

"I don't have a crush on him." She said flatly.

Yeah, right –and I'm Angelina Jolie.

"Whatever," I said impatiently. I didn't care if she was in love with Mickey Mouse or Edward Scissorhands. I really needed her to believe me. "Come on. Please do believe me. What if the moose came into my bedroom at night, and murdered me in my sleep?"

Ok, ok –I know it was mean of me to use those words, but she _had _to believe me.

"Well, I'm making dinner." She said, abruptly changing the subject. Real clever of her. Now, I'll have to spend all night shaking in fright.

"Well?" Mom barked irritably. "Are you helping me or not?"

"Maybe!" I yelled back before going upstairs. My cell phone was in my hand and I was dialing Lauren now.

After a few rings, Lauren answered the phone.

"Hello?" Her harsh voice grated my ears.

"Lauren, it's me." I said, hoping she wouldn't ditch me and replace me with that new girl Katie.

"Jessica! I called you, like, fifteen times!" She hollered. "What the hell happened? Did you go and murder yourself or what?"

Oh, you have no idea how close I was to doing that.

"I cut myself up," I stated flatly. "So I had to go to the hospital. And guess what?"

"What?" She asked sullenly.

"I met Dr. Cullen!" I shrieked.

"_Dr. Cullen? _As in Carlisle Cullen?" Lauren's voice grew higher, the way it did whenever she was emotional.

"Yes! And guess what? He was the doctor who stitched up my hand!"

"Oh." Jealousy layered Lauren's voice.

"And know what?" I said, adding suspense. "He told me a few things!"

"What did he say?" pestered Lauren.

"He heard that a rabid moose escaped from the park." I said, trying to keep the fear out of my voice. "It's dangerous."

"Ha!" Lauren's obnoxious snort burst through the receiver. I winced.

"_That_'s what he said?" She said rudely. "Oh, _please_!"

Seriously, why did everyone scoff at the news? For Pete's sake, it was a _moose_! Very dangerous animal!

Imagine a red-eyed, foaming-at-the-mouth, razor-sharp toothed, wormy-brown monster with gigantic blood-colored forks jammed on its head. And then imagine it barreling at you with its giant forks aiming for your chest. Now, can you snort at _that_?

"Jessica!" My mom yelled from downstairs. "Dinner's ready!"

"Uh...Mom's calling me." I muttered into the phone. "Bye."

"Wait! I heard-" Lauren's voice was cut off suddenly when I ended the call.

A few hours later, I was sleeping on my warm bed.

_Tap, tap!_

My eyes flew wide open. What was that? No...It couldn't be...

_Tap, tap!_

It sounded like a moose's antlers tapping against my window...

Oh, I wish I had let Dad put bars over my window!

Wait, did I say that? Ew. Bars over the window are so...three-year old-ish. And besides if anyone at school ever knew, they would laugh themselves dead. I wouldn't get any boyfriends. Lauren would snub me in front of others...

"_Grrrrr-grrr!"_came the moose's angry growl.

I screamed.

* * *

Author's Note: Ok, ok, I know the chapter wasn't as good as I [and maybe you] expected...

But I have a huge case of writer's block [for my fanfics], am working on like, 4 novels [won't tell you what they are], studying for my exams [which happen to be in 2 days] blah blah blah. I won't bore you with my pathetic excuses. But, I wanted to update this incomplete chapter so that you wouldn't think I totally ditched this story. This story as a matter of fact, is **_NOT _**on hold or anything like that. I am still trying with Chapter 25 Part III. I just don't have inspiration...yet. :(

10 more reviews = 1 more chapter. [Please...I know it is kind of hypocritical of me to ask for reviews like this, and this chapter is not as good...but still, please?]

P.S I don't have any fear of moose or anything like that. I just didn't know what to make Jessica scared of, and I randomly chose moose, just to make the process quicker.


	25. Jessica and the Moose III

**MIKE NEWTON, THE KING OF EMBARRASSMENT**

_**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight.**_

_**

* * *

**_

**Name: -** Jessica and the Moose Part-III

**Rating: -**K

**Summary: -** Why is Jessica so scared of moose lurking in her backyard?

**Timeline: -** Between New Moon and Eclipse.

**A/N: - **Please, I am so sorry for not updating early! It's that I got some low marks for my exams…well, you get the idea. Review, please? I hope this chapter is good.

* * *

**Character Point of View: **_Emmett Cullen_

**Time: **Night-time

There was a small storm tonight. There would be no rain, just lightning and thunder. I was standing outside the Stanley girl's house. Jasper and Alice, Edward and Bella were there too. Edward, being the overprotective vampire here, insisted that Bella wear some extra clothes to protect herself from the god-knows-what in the skies.

Damn. I really wish Rose was here...

"This is so stupid," Edward muttered. "Why are we even here?"

_I told you to wait and not jump to conclusions, Eddie,_ I thought irritably. _With your pompousness and pretty-boy behavior, you're ruining the mood here. It's the time for pranking, not lecturing! _

I heard him growl behind me, and I smirked. It was good to see that he was getting annoyed by my words –a sign that the Edward B.C [the nickname I had given to the Edward before Bella came into his life] was still wriggling in there.

Alice pranced forward; her elfin features alight like the lampposts of London in 1857.

"Emmett, did you bring the costume?" asked Alice, though she knew the outcome already.

"Of course, I did!" I said indignantly. What did she think I was? And since when did I ever forget to bring anything?

"1997," Edward muttered. "You purposely forgot to bring Jasper's pants when they had a...problem... in the storage room."

Damn. Him and his thought-stealing tricks. Alice and Jasper glared at Edward for bringing up that touchy subject.

"I don't steal thoughts, Emmett!" Edward hissed. "They come into my head, whether I like it or not!"

Finally! Someone was on my side! Even if they were just 'thoughts'.

"Well, they should!" I said. "Someone" _or some thoughts_ "need to torment you, since you're already doing that to us."

"Boys!" reprimanded Alice, sounding oddly like Esme. "We came here to prank Jessica, not squabble over trifle things like thoughts! Emmett, behave!"

Bella and Jasper snickered.

Alice signalled at me to put on the moose costume. I grumbled and put on the coarse thing. It was so hot and uncomfortable.

"Again, why am I always the guinea pig in your pranks?" I grouched as Alice fiddled about with the radio buttons.

"Because you are the only person suitable for the role," snapped Alice.

"I'm suitable for being the animal?" I asked indignantly. "What happened to the sound and light effects?"

"No offense, Emmett," said Alice. "But you act kind of like an animal sometimes. And besides, Edward is the sound and light effect man." She smirked at Edward behind me.

"I really don't think this is such a good idea," whispered Bella. "What if we get caught?"

"Way to ruin the mood here, Bella!" said Alice sourly. "I checked. Jessica won't even suspect us."

Bella sighed, just when Alice shoved me towards the tree near Jessica's window. I growled at Alice like a moose before climbing the tree. My moose-y head wobbled a bit, and I put up a hand to steady it. I was careful not to make a sound as I perched myself on the nearest branch to the window. Alice gave me a thumb up before hopping on the branch below me.

"Now, Emmett!" whispered Alice.

* * *

**Character Point of View: **_Jessica Stanley_

**Setting: **_Her bedroom_

**Time: **_Continuing off from previous chapter._

My scream echoed in the room and died down like a radio with poor reception. I swallowed again. Maybe the freak moose was just a figment of my imagination…

But if it _was _real, then it would have gone straight for Bella Swan's house! She was a total _danger magnet_. Heh. That would leave Gorgey Edward Cullen open for me! The thought cheered me up slightly, but my fantasizing was brought to an end when the ugly moose reared its head just when a flash of lightning appeared.

Eeek.

It made me feel like the victim in a horror movie, except in place of the insane killer, an "I-just-ran-away-from-the-park-and-wanna-gut-you-now" moose was now stalking me. Just flipping great.

I shifted nervously. It probably was just a shadow of that ugly, pathetic tree outside my house…God knows how many times I had begged Dad to cut down it.

Maybe I could open the window and see if it was just the silly old tree. I got out of the bed, and kicked my slippers that were lying in the way. I then stepped towards the window when the moose let out an almighty roar, and brandished its antlers at the window.

I let out another blood curdling scream and stepped back, ultimately tripping over the slippers that I had previously kicked. I was a flailing mass of limbs and hair, trying to regain my balance when I realized that I had just pulled a Bella Swan stunt. Oh, if Lauren knew about this, she'd totally snub me!

Banishing all thoughts of that slut Bella, I got up again and the moose roared again.

"Mmmpff…" The horrified sound was coming from my mouth. My eyes felt like they were gonna pop out. I made a beeline for the door. As soon as the doorknob was in reach, I snatched it and with a _lot _of difficulty, managed to open it.

My thundering footsteps echoed in the house, and my heart couldn't stop beating like crazy. I managed to make it to Mom's room on time, and before the moose decided to pay a little visit into my mom's yuppie style house, I slipped into her room. After bolting it shut, I darted vis-à-vis Mom's bedside.

"Mom," I whispered, sweat beads trickling down my face. "Mom, come on here, wake up."

Mom just snorted in her sleep and tossed over. Oh, really great. I tried to remember anything that might be of interest to my very picky, opera-loving, slightly eccentric mom.

"Um…rhinestones," I said, frantically trying to wake her up. "Elvis Presley. Carlisle Cullen. Brad Pitt. Paris. The Palais Garnier. Soap operas. Cats. Marilyn Monroe. Gods, Mom-just-freaking-wake-up!"

Oh, great. She just slapped my hand away and called me a "snotty nosed prick". But she was probably calling someone [there is a very possible chance of that someone being 'Elvis Presley'] that in whatever crazy dream she was currently having. I know some people who tend to talk out aloud in their sleep and accidentally say some dirty names while at it.

God, help me out here.

"Mother!" I practically shrieked in her ear. "W-"

I trailed off as a very huge, gargantuan, massive, gigantic, horrific-sized shadow resembling that of a horse-sized moose appeared on the wall opposite the window. I just stood there, quivering in nothing but my pajamas.

"AAAIIEEEEEEE!" My scream burst out of my mouth in a huge expel of air.

"AARGH!" Someone else parroted my babyish scream. "What in the name of _collant_ is going on here?"

I blinked and realized that the "someone" who had parroted my screams was Mom. Oh, hell... I had screamed _in her ear_!

Mom shot out of her bed like her butt was on fire, all the while clutching her ear. She swore loudly in both French and English. Oh. I didn't know she was part-French. But then, I never even knew she had a secret crush on Dr. Cullen since then.

"Jessica!" screeched Mom, still clinging onto her ear like a lifeline. Ooh. Poor ear, I bet it was thinking how mean its owner was to it now. Wait, did I really think that? The moose drama must be getting to me then!

As I was thinking these slightly crazy thoughts, Mom was admonishing me about screaming in her ear, especially when she was in the deep satin covers of sleep.

"…and how dare you wake me up in the night!" yelled Mom, her ear rapidly turning blue under her iron-grip. "Jessica Stanley, I have had enough of your crackpot tales!"

Crackpot tales? Excuse me?

"Mom!" I said. "I saw a moose! The same rabid moose I told you of today!"

"Rabid moose?" Mom laughed so hard, that I thought that she would probably rupture a spleen or something. "Oh please, Jessica!"

"Mom, I'm not lying!" I wailed. "I swear on my mascara, I am not lying!"

"There. Are. No. Such. Things. As. Rabid. Moose," growled Mom. "And frankly, I am _sick _of you and your little fantasizing imagination games. I thought you were above that by now. Go to sleep."

I looked back at the wall where I had seen the shadow on. It was still there, except it was moving its head about in a threatening manner. Uh-oh.

"M-mom…" I whimpered, eyes still fixed on the wall. "It-it is still there. The moose, I mean."

Mom looked at me, disbelieving. Then she looked at the wall where the phantom moose shadow was. I didn't dare to look out the window, for fear of encountering an actual moose thirsting for blood.

"Jessica!" My mother's furious voice crackled in the air, like a whip. "I _cannot _believe you! You should stop reading those pathetic excuses of books upstairs –they are obviously the main reason of your hallucinating! You are now grounded for a week. And, I _will not _tolerate any more of your little drama shows. Off to bed, now!"

Hallucinating? And since when did my books ever have horror mooses in them? All my books are in the romance section, but I don't think I'm gonna tell Mom this. I prefer her not to think of me as some …addict.

I glanced at the wall, but _the shadow was not there. _It was as if I had just imagined it all. No way. Nooooooooooooooo.

I opened my mouth to protest, but when a flash of lightning appeared again, I shut up. I had already suffered cartloads and shiploads of embarrassment and humiliation all in half an hour. Yippee. I just broke Mike Newton's [that male bigoted fart pig hybrid you see everyday slobbering over Bella Swan] own record. Hah, I bet Lauren would _so _get a kick out of this.

I peeked at the wall again, but it looked as if the moose had retired for its midnight siesta. It probably found some poor passerby and decided to gobble it up. I just hope it is Rosalie Hale or Alice Cullen or that foul girl Bella. I heard a growl outside, and the shivers returned to me. What if the moose was lying underneath the window, waiting for me to be alone so that it could kill me?

Nevertheless, after many tears and arguing with Mom, I ended up in my cold bed with a can of garlic and pepper spray, and a few onions that Mom had so kindly let me grab from the kitchen so that I could defend myself, should the moose dare to show up.

* * *

_**Time: **_The next day

_**Settings: **_In Jessica's car

I clutched the wheel, my heart hammering like crazy. Just then, a dog that looked like it had been hit with a baseball bat in the face ran right into the middle of the road. I screamed, and pressed on the brakes so hard, my stomach practically jumped out of my mouth. Eck, eck.

I looked through the windshield for the Mr. Stupid Mutt, but he was nowhere. I was starting to panic. My head was beginning to throb painfully. Sighing, I got out, trying to ignore the uncomfortable feeling of the too small and ugly polka dot dress (courtesy of Mom) I was wearing under my coat. I looked under the car, for any mangled remains that could earn me a cell in the Prison for Girls Who Murdered Their Neighbors' Pups, or whatever the animal prison is called.

Something brown leapt out at me from under my car, taking me by surprise entirely. I let out a strangled scream (my voice was a bit down after all that screaming practice last night) and staggered back, fighting with the demon with slobber. When I managed to remove the demon, I realized it was that pathetic mutt from the City of Stupid Dogs Who Have No Brains And Cross Roads And Scare Poor Girls.

"You again?" I asked, scowling. The pug (yes, it was the dog with the squashed face) merely growled at me. It glared at me, and bared its teeth a little.

"Ginger!" a harsh wailing reached my eyes. "Oh, my poppet, where are you?"

I turned around, and spotted Mrs. Next Door hobbling towards me, using her spindly stick (that looked as it could snap at any moment) as a support. Upon seeing the pug in my hands, Mrs. Next Door's eyes popped out from behind their thick glasses.

"Oh, Ginger!" shrieked Mrs. Next Door, waving the stick at me like a whip. Really, do I look like a ginger? My hair is brown (that does _not _in any way, resemble Bella Swan's dull hair, thank you very much) and my eyes are blue!

"Erm…sorry?" I asked. The pug in my hands began to yap madly. Oh, it looks like it hates Mrs. Next Door.

"Ginger, my poppet!" screeched Mrs. Next Door, stopping in front of me. She held out her hands, and the pug in my hands leapt into them.

Oho! So _that _was Ginger, huh? The pug?

"Bad girl!" shouted Mrs. Next Door suddenly at me. "Bad, bad, bad girl! You stole my Ginger!"

"What?" I asked, dumbfounded. "I swear I didn't steal your pug! Honest!"

Unfortunately, Mrs. Next Door must have misheard me, for she began to scream at me.

"How dare you! My Ginger is not a pig! You called my poppet a-a "pig"! You stole my poppet! I'll have you at the police station!"

Before she decided to use me as hitting practice, I leapt into my car, and drove off.

* * *

_**Settings: **_Forks High School parking lot

When I reached the school parking lot, I was breathing heavily.

Needless to say, I had spent the entire night, cowering under my quilt and pillow, waiting for the cruel antlers of an insane moose to jab me at any moment.

In other words, that night wasn't a good night. In fact, it was the _worst _of all the worst nights I had ever had. Including that night when all my hair fell off overnight because the shampoo I had used that day turned out to be some lethal chemical acids, and I had to wear a sweaty wig as a result.

I had both good and bad things happen to me that night and this morning. The good was –the moose didn't make a surprise appearance (hopefully it had gone away then). The bad was –I woke up very late in the morning, had a bad hair day (which as a result, I now look like a porcupine), suffered the Look from Mom, spilled milk all over my hair and body because I was too sleepy to pay attention and I ended up in a ugly dress of Mom's because my milk had thoroughly drenched my blouse and skirt.

Oh, and the facts that I nearly ran over Mrs. Next Door's ugly pug Ginger with my car, and had been yelled at by barmy old Mrs. Next Door, did _not _help me.

I got out of the car really slowly and carefully (I will _not _use the word 'gingerly' because it reminds me too much of Mrs. Next Door, and I prefer to have that memory long forgotten).

I spotted Tyler and Mike at the latter's really crappy SUV. I ducked behind my car, hoping they hadn't seen me, but I was too late.

"Yo, there, Jess!" hollered Tyler, waving at me. Mike didn't meet my eye, probably because I had broken up with him last week, and had decided to go with Mark Newman then.

Since I was too late in hiding from them, I decided the best approach for me: talking to them. I got up and marched nonchalantly, trying to ignore the looks from Alice and Edward Cullen. My curiosity got the better of me, and I peeked at them from the corner of my eyes. I regretted that act instantly; because Alice Cullen was staring at my polka dot dress with a look of disgust and revulsion. Bella and Edward looked oddly smug, though I had utterly no idea why.

I looked away quickly, and walked faster. When Mike and Tyler caught sight of my ugly dress, their eyes bugged out.

"What the hell happened to you, Jessica?" exclaimed Tyler, staring at me with horror. Mike was now studiously reading his Biology textbook, even though it was upside down.

"I…uhm…had an accident," I said shiftily. Practically everyone was staring at me. Eck. A girl whose name I never bothered to know began to whisper to her friend who I recognized as Really Stupid Marcie. Some people kept giggling and pointing at me with their fingers. I glared at them till they had enough manners to look away.

Unfortunately, Tyler and Mike took it in the wrong way as only perverted guys can do so.

"Oh! So you had a …accident…on the way…in the car?" asked Tyler, looking disgusted. "Where'd you get the dress from? Your grandma?"

I glared at him. "No…"

"It's that time of the month, right?" asked Tyler eagerly. "I-"

"Well, I'm going now," interrupted Mike, who was now red like a tomato. "See ya later, Tyler…Jessica." He nodded at me before leaving. Oh really brilliant, Michael Newton.

I resisted the urge to flip the bird at Tyler, and settled for making a dirty face at him.

As I turned around, I saw more people laughing at me. I clenched my teeth. _Pigheads_, I thought. _They would pay for it. _

Sometime later, on the way to class, I spotted Alice, Edward and Bella staring at me with a hint of pity. Just then, Edward shook his head and said something to his little girlfriend.

I scowled at them and turned away. I would still have to find a way to get Edward to be my boyfriend…someday. I would see to that.

* * *

_**Character Point of View: **__Bella Swan_

_**Settings: **_Forks High School

_**Time: **_Continuing from Jessica's POV

Alice and Edward were talking about whatever trouble Emmett had gotten into this time with Rosalie, when they suddenly stiffened. Then, both of them started snickering loudly.

"Jessica looks like she needs a tampon," commented Alice airily. "Sorely."

Even though I had a hint of why she would need one, I asked: "Why?"

Edward shook his head, and whispered to me: "I don't think you want to know."

But Alice turned to stare at me, golden eyes and all.

"Well, isn't it totally obvious? Jessica's entire backside is red. That's why everyone was staring at her in the parking lot."

* * *

A/N: Sorry, for the surprising ending, it just came to me. Review please?

More than 272 reviews = 1 more chapter

Thank you for reviewing my previous chapter!

I'll try to update when I'm ready. This chapter took lot of work for me.

P.S I posted this in a hurry so I'm sorry if there are any typos here!


	26. Unsuspecting Friends

**MIKE NEWTON, THE KING OF EMBARRASSMENT**

_**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight.**_

**Name: - **_Bonus Chapter #1: Tyler's POV _

**Rating: - **K

**Summary: - **A little bonus chapter for all. What was Tyler thinking when Jessica talked to him in the previous chapter?

**Timeline: - **Between New Moon and Eclipse.

**A/N: - **Please, I am so sorry for not updating early! I have a load of reasons for this: a) My Muse isn't responding b)My life is so busy, I don't even have anytime to write anything at home c)Tests and assignments are distributed in school like peanuts...etc.

Also, since I currently don't have enough inspiration for the next chapter...this chapter was posted to satisfy some of your thirst...I hope it's good.

* * *

**BONUS CHAPTER 1#: TYLER CROWLEY's POV **

My day was great so far. I woke up at the right time, ate my cereal when they were just right, and came to school at the appropriate time. I was really jazzed up. It looked as if today would be my day. Yeah!

I got out of my new car [my parents had had to buy me a new one this summer] and spotted Mike at his rather gaudy SUV. Really, why couldn't that dude at least use a fraction of his saving to give his car a freaking paint job? The poor car was probably crying and swearing at him in his mind.

I put on my million watt smile and waved at Mike. He took this as a hint to come over.

"Hey, Tyler," greeted Mike. "How are you?"

"I'm fine," I replied snazzily. "You?"

"Meh." Mike shrugged.

Just then, I saw Edward Cullen, his hot sister Alice and Bella Swan get out of his Volvo. Damn, that car looked so cool...and so droolworthy. Heck, it looked as if it had just driven off an edition of _Car Weekly_. I felt stupid, standing next to the Cullen cars. And insignificant. Like that worm currently squished under my shoe soles.

"Cool, isn't it?" said Mike, as he stared at the Volvo admiringly. "I wish I had one like that. It's not fair that Cullen gets everything."

I shrugged, not bothering to reply. Just then, Alice Cullen let out a peal of laughter. Her brother smirked at her, like it was some private joke. Bella just looked at them and rolled their eyes.

A _rumpety-rumpety-rum-rum _sound blared out, and I twisted my head to see who it was. I practically peed my pants when I saw who it was.

It was Jessica Stanley. In her white car, with the _rumpety-rumpety-rum-rum _horn. That was the sound I'd heard before. I noticed Jessica glaring at someone and quickly turned around. I'd rather not get burnt by her glare today, thank you very much.

Jessica opened her door and got out. Again, I practically peed in my pants. I could have burst with laughter. Seriously. What on Earth was Jess doing in a grandma polka dot dress? Judging from the look on her face, it looked as if she didn't like it either.

She looked up and saw me gawking at her, and ducked like she was trying to dodge a bullet. I realized she was hiding from me. Oh, really?

"Yo there, Jess!" I yelled. I waved at her. Mike looked at me, with a "_What-the-hell-are-you-doing?_" look. What? Don't look at me, Newton. It's not my fault you got dumped by her.

Well...I didn't mean to tell her that Mike was talking with Bella that day...but still, it wasn't my fault. Nah, not my fault.

Mike looked away from me, and whipped out his Biology textbook, and opened it, and started reading. I realized the book was upside-down. Genius, that Mike. He really needs some lessons, doesn't he?

Jessica bit her lip, and straightened out of her hiding pose. I noticed the the polka dot dress under her coat looked too small...and showed a huge amount of chest cleavage. Yum.

Jessica glanced at the Cullens who were staring at her. And then she looked away as if she didn't want to be caught staring.

She walked faster towards us. When the wind blew in our direction, her dress whipped around...and I caught sight of red. Red on her blue-and-white polka dress!

Oh.

_Oh._

My eyes were probably hanging out of my eye sockets now.

"What the hell happened to you, Jessica?" The words were coming out of my mouth like vomit.

"I…uhm…had an accident," muttered Jess nervously. She glared at Marcie Stone, who was giggling with Suzie Wells. Marcie clammed up when she saw Jess glaring at her.

Wait...an accident?

"Oh! So you had a …accident…on the way…in the car?" I asked, feeling sick. And then, I added an insult for good measure. "Where'd you get the dress from? Your grandma?"

"No..." Jessica said icily.

And then it sank in.

_Oh holy mother of God!_

"It's that time of the month, right?" I babbled like a noob. "I-"

Just then, Mike stomped on my foot.

"Well, I'm going now," interrupted Mike, his face utterly red like a beetroot. "See ya later, Tyler…Jessica." He hesitated if he wanted to say something else, but closed his mouth. He merely gave Jessica a cold nod before leaving. Jessica gave him a murderous look.

And then she turned around to meet my eyes. She looked like she wanted to do something, like punch my lights out or something like that. Instead, she made an evil face at me, and walked away.

What did I do?

Just then, I spotted her blood-red backside wiggling away as she walked to class. It wouldn't hurt her not to know...

And with that, I smiled before going to my own class.

* * *

More than 280 reviews = a lovely new chapter explaning how Lauren got her freakishly short hair! Yep, you heard me!

_**Next chapter: **__Lauren gets a new hairstyle...and how she got it. It's in Lauren's POV. _


	27. Chopper Hair

**MIKE NEWTON THE KING OF EMBARRASSMENT**

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Stephenie Meyer owns 'em all.**_

**Name: **_Chopper Hair _

**Rating: **K

**Summary: **How did Lauren get her new short hairstyle mentioned in _New Moon_? I'm just putting Stephenie Meyer's explanation [on her website, at _New Moon _FAQ] of how Lauren got her hair, into words...

**Timeline: **Between _Twilight_ and _New Moon_

* * *

**BONUS CHAPTER 2: Lauren Mallory**

I picked out one of the lipsticks from the array. I was shopping at a mall in Port Angeles, for something to make me look good on Monday. Practically the whole school knew how badly I wanted to be a model. I noticed a big burly guy in a suit, wearing black-tinted glasses, stood somewhere far from me. I wondered whether he was a model scout.

The color of the lipstick I had picked looked quite nice, and I wondered how much it would cost.

"Hey...um...could you help me here?" I called out to the nearest saleswoman. She turned around with a look of irritation and walked over to me.

"What would you like?" she asked sullenly, chewing on her bubblegum.

"How much does this cost?" I asked her, brandishing the shell-pink lipstick under her nose.

She looked at me with distaste. "It'll cost you twenty-four dollars."

"Oh-"

"Miss, you wouldn't happen to be interested in pursuing a career in modeling?" the burly guy in the suit and glasses asked me in a French accent.

I nearly dropped the lipstick in shock. This was what I was waiting for my whole life! A chance at modeling!

"Y-y-yes..." I stuttered. Oh great, Lauren, what a totally amazing first impression! Don't stand there like a slob!

I straightened myself to my fullest height, and flipped my corn silk hair back in a graceful manner. I puckered my lips a bit to emphasize their sexy aura, and I tried to make my eyes look gorgey.

"Of course, I'm interested," I said smoothly, ignoring the now-amused saleswoman chewing on her bubblegum vigorously.

The agent with the accent smiled creepily. "You are lovely, _mademoiselle_. Perhaps you would tell me what your name is?"

I smiled sweetly and held out my hand. "I'm Lauren Mallory."

"You are a _charmant mademoiselle_, Miss Mallory," complimented the guy in the suit as he shook my hand. "My name is Gérard Jacques."

I giggled. "Oh, thank you!"

"Would you like to model a few shots for our agency?" asked Gérard Jacques. "You are pretty enough for that."

It took me my whole will to not scream in joy on that moment. This was exactly what I wanted!

"Of course," I said, feigning disinterest, though my hammering heartbeat said otherwise. "I would love to do that."

Just then, Monsieur Jacques glanced at my hair, with an odd look.

"I do not think that hair is good for your face," Gérard said slowly. "I think maybe, you should try a new hairstyle. Perhaps a pixie cut would look good on your face?"

I would do anything to appear on a gigantic billboard in New York, even if it meant chopping away all my lovely locks.

"Alright," I said. "I'll go to the salon and get a new hairstyle first thing tomorrow morning."

Gérard shook his head. "No...Maybe you should make it unique...something of your own making."

"Okay," I agreed. "When are the tryouts?"

"We will notify you when the dates have been set," said Gérard as he checked his expensive wristwatch. "But am afraid I will have to go now. _Bonsoir_."

"_B-bonsoir_," I murmured back, as if in a trance.

* * *

**Time: Nighttime; at Lauren Mallory's house...**

I was ready to scream. In an angry way, not the exhilarating way I felt when I talked with the model scout today.

I was in my bathroom at home, and it was nighttime. My scissors were in my hand and the mirror showed a frustrated girl with tear-tracks on her cheeks.

All my lovely hair lay on the cold tiles of the floor, in broken clumps. I had sheared them off in an attempt to get a new "unique" hairstyle, just like Gérard had suggested.

The result was alarming.

My hair resembled a yellow dandelion perched on my head.

"Lauren!" Mom hollered through the door. "The phone's ringing!"

"Who's on the phone?" I shouted back, not willing to show my hair in its current state to Mom.

I heard Mom speaking on the other line, and just when I was beginning to worry, Mom spoke through the door: "It's Jessica. She wants to talk to you about some concert."

"Tell her I'll talk with her later!" I replied, frantically snipping away at the stray locks on my head.

Mom started speaking to the phone this time, and I hoped sincerely that she had gone away this time.

When I was finished, I took a step back and appraised the sight in the mirror. My hair looked stylish now, free of the uneven locks of gold-yellow. Even though I accidentally overestimated the amount of hair at the back of my head and cut too much hair off to the extent of baldness, I looked hot.

The agents wouldn't be able to resist me, I thought with a smirk.

"Mom, did you get any phone calls this morning?" I asked as I sat down on the chair in the kitchen.

"Yeah," she replied, serving breakfast.

"Who was it from?" I asked, eagerly leaning forward.

My career begins today!

"Oh, it was Jessica," said Mom vaguely, brushing back a strand of hair. "She wanted to tell you something about Mike and Tyler getting caught by Chief Swan at night. And apparently, they were in their birthday suits." Mom tutted disapprovingly and continued serving breakfast as I sat, simmering in disappointment. Why hadn't the agency called?

Jessica could wait. Now all I wanted was the agency to call. Now.

* * *

More than 284 reviews = 1 more chapter.

Note: This chapter was written in a hurry during 10:30pm, so I apologize if there are typos or any characters being OOC or any confusion...

_**Next chapter: **_What happened when Mike and Tyler got caught by Chief Swan/Charlie at night? And why were they in their birthday suits? What started that?


	28. Dares of Embarrassment

**MIKE NEWTON THE KING OF EMBARRASSMENT**

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Stephenie Meyer owns them all.**_

**Name:**___Dares of Embarrassment_

**Rating: **K

**Summary: **Exactly what happened when Mike and Tyler were caught by Chief Swan running on the road? And why were they in their birthday suits?

**Timeline: **Between _Twilight_ and_ New Moon_

* * *

**BONUS CHAPTER 3: **Mike Newton

"I propose we do something," announced Tyler majestically, as he tilted back on his chair. Eric groaned and put his head in his hands. I sighed. Tyler's ideas were never good, let me tell you that. They usually ended up in us getting arrested, or worse, caught in our most embarrassing moments.

"I'm not gonna do it," Eric said with an air of finality.

"You don't even know what it is going to be," smirked Tyler.

"Actually," I piped up. "I _think_ I do have an idea of what it is."

Tyler stuck out his tongue at me in a childish manner. "Fine, spoilbaby. Go and run home to your mommy and daddy."

I glared at him.

Tyler leaned forward. "How about a game of truth and dare?"

"_Truth or Dare_?" Eric asked, horrorstuck. "No way. That game is for girls!"

Tyler shook his head. "Nah, not _that _type of Truth or Dare. There's no truth."

"What do you mean?" I asked, confused.

"What I mean is," Tyler grinned evilly. "There will be no Truth or Dare. It is Dare or Dare!"

"Oh, no, no, no..." Eric moaned, and put his head in his hands again. "I will _not_ play that stupid game again."

"I'm in," I said bravely.

Eric looked up in panic. Tyler grinned like a maniac.

"Alright," said Tyler. "First dare is: Go to Chief Swan's house and give him a big, wet, sloppy, smoochy kiss. Right on his lips. Second dare: Run around in your nuddy pants. Outside, on the roads."

I paled. Both dares did not sound good. No...

"I choose the second," I said miserably, as I covered my face.

"Now you, Eric," Tyler said, all business-like. "First dare: Run around in your nuddy pants outside with Mike. Second dare: Dress up as a female prostitute tomorrow at school."

Eric's eyes widened to the point of them falling out. Actually, he did look kinda creepy...ugh...

"First dare," Eric said weakly. He turned green, and hugged his arms. "I'll choose the damn first dare."

Tyler laughed. "Excellent!"

Just then something occured to me.

"Hey!" I asked suddenly. "Why aren't _you_ in this stupid game?"

Tyler's grin faltered. "Of course, I'm in this game, Newton! I plan the dares, of course." He looked at me like I was mentally-incompetent. Eric shook my head at me, silently pleading with me to shut my mouth.

* * *

"Miserable old imp," I muttered as I stripped down. Eric was red in the face beside me.

"I can't believe I was stupid enough to make friends with _you_," Eric said in disgust.

"Me?" I exclaimed in shock. "Me? Me? What the hell did I do?"

Eric glowered at me. "You dragged me into this mess."

"I most definitely did not!"

"Did so!"

"Never!"

"Yeah, did so!"

"I certainly didnot!"

"Jeez, stop it," complained Tyler, sticking his fingers in his ears. "You're giving me a migraine!"

I turned bright red and covered my privates. I really couldn't wait till this crazy dare was _over_.

"Well? Go ahead!" Tyler said impatiently. I wished I could just knock him out there.

"Go and jump into the nearest swamp," Eric snarled. "I hate you, Crowley."

Tyler merely smiled cheerily. "That's the spirit, Yorkie. Now, shoo." Tyler waved his hand impatiently.

Eric glared at him murderously. "You..."

"Dude, just get it over with," I said, irritated. I was getting cold all over and I wanted to get home as soon as I could, and forget all about this.

Just then, Eric's black looks changed completely. He smiled evilly. "Crowley..."

Tyler blinked lazily. "Ya, Yorkie? You're wasting tiiiime."

"Hey, Crowley," said Eric in the same evil voice. "Wanna know something?"

By now, even I was curious. I leaned in closer.

Eric moved closer to Tyler and whispered something in his ear. Tyler's eyes widened and he turned pale.

"How-how...how d-did you know?" whispered Tyler. "Nobody knew...no...nobody..."

Eric grinned. "I have my sources, Crowley."

"Please...please!" Tyler whimpered. "I'll do anything. Just don't tell anyone! Please! It's blackmail!"

"You'll do anything?" Eric said, smiling widely. "Anything? _Anything?"_

Tyler nodded meekly. "Anything. I'll do your homework. I'll be your personal servant."

Eric shook his head. "Nah, not that." He winked at me. Suddenly, I realized what he meant. Yeah! This was _awesome_.

"Alright then, Crowley," Eric said coolly. "How about we swap places in this dare? You'll do the running, I'll be the guy making the dares, okay?"

Tyler turned even paler. "Um..."

"Excellent!" Eric said briskly. "Now, remove your clothes. _Now_."

Tyler mumbled something and started unbuttoning his shirt.

Eric started walking towards the house, and I turned to follow him but he held out a hand and stopped me.

"Hey!" he exclaimed. "Where do _you _think you're going, Newton?"

"Coming with you, of course," I said impatiently. I was freezing, dammit! I had to get in the house or else I was gonna turn into a skinny snowman!

Eric grinned widely. "I think you misunderstood me, Mike."

And it was then, that did I realize what that dumb fool meant. No...this wasn't right..no effing way..

"What the hell, Yorkie?" I bellowed. "_What the hell?_"

Eric nodded mock-sympathetically. "Yup, yuppie-yup. I'm so sorry to tell you this, Mr. Newton, but our schedule is already fixed. You're scheduled to go birthday-suit-hopping with Mr. Crowley in the countryside now. It's unchangeable."

"Hey, I can hear you here," protested Tyler sullenly.

"How dare you!" I trailed off lamely. "How could you?"

Eric smiled politely. "I think it's time the race started. Three, two, one, go. Boo. Now, go." He shoved at me, almost sending me flying into the icy snow. Crazy old idiot.

I heard someone running and I turned around. I saw Tyler racing up the road like a horse who's drunk way too much. I got up quickly and followed suit. I _had _to finish this insane dare quickly. I needed my warm bed at home.

"Crowley!" I hollered as I struggled to keep up. "Crowley, wait up, you loon!"

"Who's there?" someone shouted. "I repeat, who's there? I warn you, I'm armed! Hands up where I can see them!"

Uh oh.

I knew that voice.

Chief Swan. It belonged to Charlie Swan, Bella Swan's father and the ultimate police chief. Oh, this was a total "O-M-G" moment for me. Give me a moment to scream out 'sodding hell' in my head.

_Sodding hell!_

There. It's done.

The police chief approached us cautiously as if _we _were one of those rabid moose that had abducted Jessica in her bedroom [or so as she claimed] and caused her to land in a vat of trouble with her mom.

Charlie flashed his flashlight at me, momentarily blinding me. I lifted my hands to shield my eyes from the glare of the light. Just then, the light fell on my body.

Oh...

_No!_

I practically fainted there on the spot. I heard Tyler giggling like a girl beside me, and I moved my hands back to my bottom region so that my ...privates were well-covered.

"What is the meaning of this, Crowley, Newton?" roared Chief Swan. "Running around in the middle of the night and without clothes too! You'll have to be extremely lucky if I don't haul you idiots up to the police station and offer you a permanent cell!"

"I..." Tyler trailed off. "We...we were just carrying out a dare."

Great. That's so great, Crowley. Tattle about everything to the Chief, will ya? Well, go ahead. I'm freezing here in case you didn't notice.

"A dare?" Chief Swan swelled up like a frog. "This-this...is all for a dare?"

Tyled nodded meekly.

Chief Swan looked like he was gonna spontaneously combust at any moment. "Go home. Now. Now, before I decide to take you to the police station!"

We didn't hesitate.

Tyler and I ran like the wind, and we only stopped when Tyler's home came into view.

"Jesus!" Tyler wheezed as he tried to catch his breath. "That was close!"

"It was," I agreed. Just then Tyler turned pale. He stared at behind me.

"He isn't doing this!" whimpered Tyler. "He isn't! I swear, I'll murder that fool!"

Who?

I turned around. And there, grinning like a Hallowe'en pumpkin, was Eric Yorkie, waving at us. He was fully dressed, but I wasn't interested in that fact.

No, I was interested in the fact that _he _was holding a video camera in his hands. And guess what? It was _recording._ The blinking red light proved that fact to be true.

Oh...no...no...no...Mom'll strangle me...

"Hey, guys!" said Eric cheerfully. "This is _so _going on YouTube! What do you guys think?"

* * *

More than 299 views = 1 more chapter

**_Note to those who all reviewed for the last few chapters:_ I would like to say "thank you" to you all! You've been amazing, and one of the reasons why I've been writing these difficult chapters. Hopefully I haven't offended you in any of these chapters...and I do know that there are heaps of blackmail [hint: Tyler and Eric] in this chapter...Also, I have no idea of what Eric told Tyler to make him swap places, so it's up to your imagination. **

**F.A.Q:**

**Q1) _Did somebody set up Lauren in the previous chapter? Or was it an actual model agency? _[Question by **Megan () **]**

A: I'm afraid you'll have to wait for the next chapter. You'll find out the answer soon!

**Q2) _Doesn't it seem like the Cullens are bullying Mike and Jessica too much?_**

A: I do know that the Cullens and Bella seem OOC in most of the chapters, and I'm still trying to improve on my writing. I'll try to stop making the Cullens seem like bullies, but I can't promise anything. And besides, Jessica's a mean girl and she deserves being bullied a bit. I don't know about Mike though.

**Q3) _Do you have something against moose?_**

A: No, I don't. I couldn't think of some phobia suitable for Jessica, so I chose randomly and hence, moose came first. And I don't have some fear of moose, by the way.

**Q4) _How many chapters are going to be there in this fanfiction?_**

A: I plan to have about forty or more. I'm considering writing a sequel.

**Q5) _What will the future chapters be about?_**

A: Well, we've finished the _Pre-Twilight _chapters, _Twilight _chapters, _New Moon _chapters, some _Eclipse _chapters, haven't we? A few more _Eclipse _chapters are coming up, and I'll probably add some _Post-Eclipse _chapters. And after them, the _Breaking Dawn _chapters will come. And after those, _Post-Breaking Dawn _chapters. Cheers.

In the upcoming _Eclipse _chapters, they will mostly center around Mike and Jessica [and maybe Lauren, Angela and Ben too] during the last days before graduation. Heck, **maybe** I'll add their point of views of the graduation!

In the _Post-Eclipse _chapters, I'll be writing about Lauren, Jessica, Mike and maybe a few other characters' point of views when they get Edward and Bella's wedding invitations. I'm sure they'll be very interesting to write.

In the _Breaking Dawn _chapters, they will most center around Mike, Jessica, Angela, Ben, Charlie and maybe a few other characters when they get snippets of news about what is going on at the Cullen house. Feel free to ask me if you have any questions about this.

In the _Post-Breaking Dawn _chapters, it'll be about Mike, Jessica, Angela and Ben. Maybe Lauren too. Oh, and there **will **be loads of pranks! Yeah!

There will also be the bonus chapters, like this one.

**Q6) _We've sent you, like, millions of ideas for pranking Mike, Jess and Lauren! Why haven't you even used them?_**

A: Oh, please don't think like that! I've been saving them up for the _Post-Breaking Dawn _chapters actually. I'm really grateful to you guys for sharing your ideas! And I can guarantee, there will be a lot of pranks in the _Post-Breaking Dawn _chapters!

**Q7) _Why aren't you replying to our reviews? _**

A: I never have enough time. But before going to school, I check the mail and see your reviews. And let me tell you this: they are amazing! Your encouraging is wonderful, and it's helped me write this fanfic! Thank you, again!

**Q8) _Why aren't you updating regularly? _**

A: Like I said, I never have enough time. Also, I have to write other stories too. But I'll try to update quickly.

**Q9) _We've noticed in the early chapters that Mike sounds kind of like a little girl. Why is this so?_**

A: That's because I was still new to the amazing Twilight Saga, and to this cool website too. I was young at that time too [only twelve years old! Shocking!]. I apologize if you were offended by Mike's girlish dialogue.

**Q10) _Why are you writing this 'interview'?_**

A: I wanted to answer some of your doubts, so therefore I set this up. I hope it answers some of your questions/doubts

* * *

Feel free to ask me questions or send me funny pranking ideas! :D

My fingers hurt from typing all day, so I'm gonna stop for now.

**xoxo, Pistis Sophia** [formerly_ BookFanatic1997_]


	29. Scout in the Italian Suit

**MIKE NEWTON THE KING OF EMBARRASSMENT**

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Stephenie Meyer owns 'em all.**_

**Name:**_The Scout in the Italian Suit_

**Rating: **K

**Summary: **Who was behind the model agency-Lauren thing?

**Timeline: **Between _Twilight _and _New Moon_

_

* * *

_

**BONUS CHAPTER 4: Emmett Cullen **

"Now say it again," commanded Rosalie.

"_Charmant. Mademoiselle_," I said obediently. Rosalie had wanted this oppurtunity to pay back Lauren for all those lustful looks she had shot in my way, and the malicious looks directed at Rosalie. In fact, Rosalie detested Lauren deeply, like she was some foul insect who happened to have the misfortune of having landed in Rosalie's bowl of Froot Loops.

Not that Rose has ever eaten Froot Loops.

Rosalie smiled approvingly, and patted me on the shoulder . She leaned in and place a light kiss on my lips. I leaned in for more, but she pulled away, smirking. I sighed internally.

"Okay, guys!" piped up Alice, clapping her hands to get our attention. "Let's go."

I took a last look in the mirror. I was wearing an expensive Italian suit, complete with cool glasses to hide my golden eyes. Alice had picked out everything for this totally awesome prank, and I must say, it all looked pretty much cool.

"Ready to go?" asked Rose, looking at me through her otherworldly-beautiful eyes.

I smiled. "Ready as ever."

The shop smelled like girly things -lipsticks, nail polish and shampoos et cetera. It was kinda odd, I had to admit.

I walked in, ignoring the lustful look directed at me from the cashier. I looked around and spotted the Mallory girl standing where the lipsticks were located at. The saleslady near her looked bored outta her mind, and she kept shooting suspicious looks at Lauren like she was gonna shoplift the place.

I then strutted over to where she was standing, and placed myself somewhere near her. I heard Rosalie swear profusely somewhere.

Lauren was so immersed in the lipsticks, she didn't pay much attention to me. But she did sneak glances at me occasionally. I wondered what she suspected I was.

"Hey," hollered Lauren at the saleslady nearby. "Um...could you help me here?"

The saleslady turned around and looked irritated, as if girls like Lauren called for her everyday.

"What would you like?" said the saleslady sulkily. She didn't stop chewing on her chewing gum.

"How much does this cost?" Lauren questioned her, shoving lipstick at the poor woman.

She glared at Lauren in disgust. "It'll cost you twenty-four dollars."

"Oh-" Lauren was interrupted when I decided to butt in, and start the prank.

"Miss, you wouldn't happen to be interested in pursuing a career in modeling?" I said in my best French accent.

Lauren gasped. "Y-y-yes..."

As if she was electrocuted, she stood still and swung her hair back really violently. I wouldn't be surprised if her hair fell off at the end of the day. I also noticed that she was pushing her lips out, like she wanted me to give her a smooch. Mega-gross. Oh, and why the heck did she look cross-eyed?

Oh, man.

"Of course, I'm interested," she said. I heard the saleslady giggle to herself, and the amused light in her eyes showed her opinion of Lauren clearly.

I smiled and said in my French accent, "You are lovely,_mademoiselle_. Perhaps you would tell me what your name is?"

"I'm Lauren Mallory," Lauren said as she held out her hand and smiled in a silly manner. Come to think of it, she looked kinda like a anorexic clown. Heh, that's an hilarious scenario!

"You are a _charmant mademoiselle_, Miss Mallory," I replied as I shook her hand. "My name is Gérard Jacques."

Again, Alice was the one who had come up with the name. Having seen the Pink Panther movies and a few Gerard Butler movies as well, she'd strung together the names Jacques Clouseau and Gerard Butler, and then wham! You get Gérard Jacques, with a little French twist.

Lauren giggled girlishly. "Oh, thank you!"

"Would you like to model a few shots for our agency?" I asked her politely in my accent. "You are pretty enough for that."

"Of course,"Lauren said, looking bored. Her heartbeat said the opposite. "I would love to do that."

I remembered her hair. Man, Rosalie would love this. I'm sure she would!

"I do not think that hair is good for your face," I emphasized. "I think maybe, you should try a new hairstyle. Perhaps a pixie cut would look good on your face?"

Lauren fell into my trap, like a fly caught in a spider's net.

"Alright," she agreed. "I'll go to the salon and get a new hairstyle first thing tomorrow morning."

Oh, no, not _that _way.

I shook my head and said, "No...Maybe you should make it unique...something of your own making."

Lauren nodded her head. "Okay. When are the tryouts?"

"We will notify you when the dates have been set," I told her, and purposefully pulled back my sleeve to show the magnificent wristwatch on my wrist. I heard the saleslady gasp in shock. "But am afraid I will have to go now. Bonsoir."

"_B-bonsoir_," Lauren stuttered, staring dreamily off into space.

Oh, man -she had _utterly _no idea what would happen. She'd spend, like, two years waiting for a call that would probably never come. Oh, and my hint had gone unnoticed.

I mean, I didn't give her a business card and she "forgot" to give me her number. Who wouldn't notice that, huh? Man, maybe she was as stupid Rosalie and Alice made her out to be. Maybe.

* * *

More than 230 reviews = 1 more chapter

**Next chapter: **I'm not sure what's its gonna be about, so you'll have to tell me what you want, I guess.

Thank you for reviewing!


	30. Party Animals Part I

**MIKE NEWTON, THE KING OF EMBARRASSMENT**

**Name of chapter: **_Party Animals I_

**Rating: **K

**Timeline: **_Eclipse [*spoiler* Graduation party scene]_

**Summary: **Mike Newton has, many a time, wondered how the Cullen mansion would look like. One particular day, his curious wish is granted. Unfortunately, certain things come with _huge _consequences. Consequences are there especially if it's to a Mike Newton, who has been known to the population of Forks High, as the King of Embarrassment or the 'Harbinger of Humiliation'.

**Author's Note: **I'm sorry for not updating. This chapter is a random idea, whipped up in an attempt to defeat my writer's block. Hopefully, it works.

**Character Point of View: **_Mike Newton _

**Settings: **Cullen driveway

I parked the crappy SUV in the Cullens driveway, and took out the keys. I realized nobody had gotten out at all. I turned around in my seat, and gave them my best Mike Newton Evil Glare. Everyone gulped slightly when they saw it.

"Well, what are you waiting for!" I roared at them. "Get out!"

Lee unlocked the door, and hopped out without any hesitation. Austin followed, and so did Eric and Tyler. Samantha flipped the bird at me (in other words, she showed me the finger), and got out. I glowered at her.

"This ride sucked big time," commented Lauren nastily as she exited. Her almost-hairless head scraped against the frame of the door, and I smirked. Connor, her lapdog, followed her wordlessly. What a loser.

I got out in a totally macho way. You should have seen it. Unfortunately, my head banged against the doorframe, and I groaned in pain. Ow, ow, ow, and ow. I'd have a whopper of a bruise tomorrow, I was sure. I hopped no one had seen my embarrassing display.

"Hey, man!" said Tyler when I reached him at the door. "What took you so long, dude? Did Lauren stick her bubblegum on your seat again?"

I gave him my best Evil look. "_No_."

Instead of getting scared and pissing his pants, Tyler merely looked at me with concern. "Dude, you okay? You're looking kinda weird there, ya know, like you got hit with a pan in the face and had a dog poop in your face after that."

"Thanks for the detailed description of my face, Crowley," I snarled out. "I never realized you could be so creative."

Tyler wrinkled his nose. "O-kay. Don't get your panties in a twist."

"I don't wear panties, you little-"

I was interrupted as the door opened, and Alice's face peeked out. A face-splitting grin was on her face as she greeted us cheerily and invited us in.

Jessica was the first to go in. I was sure her eyes were bugging out from curiosity now.

"Nice to know that you don't wear panties," sneered Lauren as she strutted past me. Connor shrugged sympathetically at me as he walked behind her. I shook my head and followed him.


	31. Author's Note: Editing Process Still On

**NOTE TO READERS**

Hey, everyone. Yeah –I know, I know. I haven't updated a chapter in, like, _ages_. That's entirely my fault, since I was [and still am] occupied with editing this fan-fiction, since it looked so ridiculous before. I've managed to finish roughly fifteen chapters, and as soon as I have finished this arduous job, I plan on writing a new chapter! So don't lose hope 'cause this story is still in the works, and yeah, I'm still alive. ;)

So, hence –if you truly love this story…hang on.

**~~~Cheers, Pistis Sophia~~~**

**Check out my profile for updates! **


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